Jiyo life full (Funny Ideas/view point)

*Don’t always take it literally

Zig Ziglar

My trusty dictionary tells me that the word ‘literal’ means ‘according to the letter; primitive, real, not figurative or metaphorical, as the literal meaning of a phrase.’

As a cub reporter, Mark Twain was told never to state as fact anything that he could not personally verify. Because he was the person he was, he decided to take those instructions literally and he wrote about a social event in this manner: “A woman, giving the name of Mrs. James Jones, who is reported to be one of the society leaders of the city, is said to have given what purported to be a party yesterday to a number of alleged ladies. The hostess claims to be the wife of a reputed attorney.”

I remember getting my regular eye examination from my friend and ophthalmologist, Dr. Nathan Lipton, who had quite a unique sense of humour. As we moved through the various stages of the examination, he told me to cover my left eye, which I did. A few seconds later he said, “Now, cover your right eye,” and I proceeded to cover my right eye without removing my left hand from my left eye. Needless to say, that’s not exactly what Dr. Lipton had in mind, but we both broke out laughing.

The truth is, many times when someone tells us something they expect us to use a little common sense in listening to and hearing what they say. Have a little fun as you go through life. Take some things to be literally true and act accordingly; the chuckle you get out of it will brighten your day and help someone else feel happier, too. Act on my suggestion and I will see you at the top!

*First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

‘In honour of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ’It’s a candle’, he said.

‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ’They’re bells.’

Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolize?’

The paddy replied, ‘These are Carols.’

And So the Christmas Season

Begins……

Registry on the first day back at school in Birmingham UK
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:-

“Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?” “Here.”
“Achmed El Kabul?” “Here.”
“Fatima Al Hayek? " “Here.”
“Ali Abdul Olmi?” “Here.”
“Mohammed Bin Kadir?” “Here.”
“Ali Son Al Len” – Silence in the classroom.
“Ali Son Al Len” – Continued silence as everyone looked around the room.
The teacher repeated the call.
A girl stood up and said, "Sorry teacher. I think that’s me. It’s pronounced Alison Allen.

Life with no regrets!

It was their anniversary, and Amrita was waiting for her husband Rajiv to show up.
Things had changed since their marriage; the once cute, couldn’t-live-without-each-other couple had turned bitter.
Fighting over every little thing, both didn’t like the way things had changed.
Amrita was waiting to see if Rajiv remembered it was their anniversary!

Just as the doorbell rang she ran to find her husband wet and smiling with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
The two started reliving the old days.
Making up for fights, there was then plan for champagne, light music.
And rain outside! It was perfect.
But the moment paused when the phone in the bedroom rang.
Amrita went to pick it up and it was a man.

“Hello ma’am I’m calling from the police station. Is this Mr Rajiv Mehra’s number?”

“Yes it is!”

“I’m sorry ma’am; but there was an accident and a man died. We got this number from his purse; we need you to come and identify his body.”

Amrita’s heart sank. WHAT the!!!!

“But my husband is here with me?”

“Sorry ma’am, but the incident took place at 2 pm, when he was boarding the train.”

Amrita was about to lose her senses. How could this happen?!
She knew these types of things she heard about the soul of the person coming to meet a loved one before it leaves!
She ran into the other room.
He was not there. It was true! He had left her for good!! Oh God she would have died for another chance to mend every little fight before!
She rolled on the floor in pain. She lost her chance! Forever!

Suddenly there was a noise from the bathroom, the door opened and Rajiv came out and said…..
“Darling, I forgot to tell you my purse was stolen today”

Life might not give you a second chance.
So never waste a moment when you can still make up for your wrongs!!!

It’s nearly end of the year so let’s start making amends.

To spouse

To parents

To siblings

To friends

And many more.

No one is promised tomorrow.

*Have a wonderful

Life with no regrets!*

I Believe…
That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

Her father’s last act was to write a letter to her mother. She had the last sentence tattooed in his handwriting.

see the fusion of Punjabi and x’mas

kayar hain wo log jo pyar nahi karte
yaro
hausla chahiye barbad hone ka liye

PIZZA always confuses !!

It comes in Square box
When you open its Round
When you start eating its Triangle.

Life is also like Pizza
Looks something
Appears something and
Tastes something

So enjoy your Life as Hot and Happening as PIZZA