Joke of the day

Dangerous Dosti: Main ghar late aaya tho Dad ne pucha: “Where were you?” Maine kaha: “Friend ke ghar tha.”
Dad ne mere hi saamne mere 10 friends ko call kiya.
4 ne kaha: “Haan Uncle, Yahin par tha.”
2 ne kaha: “Abhi just nikla hai.”
3 ne kaha: “Yahin hai Uncle, Padh raha hai, Phone du kya?”
1 ne tho had hi kar di, kaha: “Haan Papa bolo kya hua”…!!! =))
(Abb bolo HAR EK friend zaroori hota hai!!) =))=))

Maths professor to students: Open the window let the airforce come in

Friend is Asian paints jo “DUNIYA BADAL DE”
Girlfriend is everest masala jo"TEAST ME BEST"
Wife is mosqito coil jo “KONE KONE SE DHUND K MAARE”

Who BEST????….

most common chat on facebook…(WHICH AT TYMS I TOO FOLLOW!!!!!)

boy:hey
(aftr few secnd boy thinks kamini reply to degi hi nhi)

… girl:hey hi
(aa gaya kamina)

boy:hows u?
(chudail ko kya hoga bhala)

girl:m fine
(puch to aise rha he jese hospital me admid hu)

boy:bf hai?
(kamini sb ko add krti he kitno ko fasa k rkha hoga)..:P :XD

Gal: kyu btau?
(kamina shuru ho gya line marne)….. ;)

advocate, ca our dr mara gaya

upar gaya

1. Bhagvane advocate ko bola 10 salki saja apne bahut bura kam kiya he

2. Dr ko bola apne bhi advocate jese kam kiya he apko bhi 10 sal

3. Ca ko bola apne bhi advocate jese kam kiya he apko 7 salki saja

Dr or Advocatene bola bhagwan why ?
Bhagwan CA ne 3 sal CA ke niche kam kiya tha ho gaya 10 sal

rekha wrote:

advocate, ca our dr mara gaya

upar gaya

1. Bhagvane advocate ko bola 10 salki saja apne bahut bura kam kiya he

2. Dr ko bola apne bhi advocate jese kam kiya he apko bhi 10 sal

3. Ca ko bola apne bhi advocate jese kam kiya he apko 7 salki saja

Dr or Advocatene bola bhagwan why ?
Bhagwan CA ne 3 sal CA ke niche kam kiya tha ho gaya 10 sal

sorry but cud not make out even a single word out of it..!!!

New ad in front of sbi in 2015
Petrol Loans Available Here!

SINGH wrote:

rekha wrote:

advocate, ca our dr mara gaya

upar gaya

1. Bhagvane advocate ko bola 10 salki saja apne bahut bura kam kiya he

2. Dr ko bola apne bhi advocate jese kam kiya he apko bhi 10 sal

3. Ca ko bola apne bhi advocate jese kam kiya he apko 7 salki saja

Dr or Advocatene bola bhagwan why ?
Bhagwan CA ne 3 sal CA ke niche kam kiya tha ho gaya 10 sal

sorry but cud not make out even a single word out of it..!!!

yeh koe CA student hi samjha kasta hai

Father told to son get up early will creat wealth in your life

Son apne panwale. Paperwale dudhwaleko dekha hai !!!!!!!!

BigAdda and BagItToday delivered correct product in feasible time

[CONTENT REMOVED]

majestic wrote:

BigAdda and BagItToday delivered correct product in feasible time

Good 1 n original

Ek pati aur patnike bich jagda huva

pati : ab jada mat bol mere anderka janvar jag jayga

patni : jagne do me mouse (chuva) se darti nahi hu !!!!!!!!

dudu wrote:

majestic wrote:

BigAdda and BagItToday delivered correct product in feasible time

Good 1 n original

Dhadkne ruk gayi meri to ye sunkar…….:-o

jab light chali gayi aur Kaam wali boli…..

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Watt tha PHAK iz theez

[CONTENT REMOVED]

BIG BIG BIG LOLz

Boss to Secretary: for a week we’ll go abroad

She calls hr husband: for a week I & boss r going abroad

Husband calls Girlfriend: Wife gng,lets enjoy
…
Girlfriend calls her student: for a week u r free

Little boy calls his grandpa: I’m free.

Grandpa (boss) calls Secretary: Tour cancelled. I’m with my grandson this week.

Secatary calls her husband: Tour cancelled

Husband calls Girlfriend: Wife is not gng.

Girlfriend calls her student: This week ur class would be as usual.
.
Boy calls grandpa: Sorry I’ve to attend my class.
.
Grandpa calls Secretary: We r gng abroad.

To be continued: Please start reading again on the top…………………..

Teacher 2 Santa – what is pie by 4 quarter amplitude phase modulation?

Santa – jimbak alak dadi bamba

Teacher – i didnt get u

Santa – same here babes

TO THE FIRST C-IN-C STRATEGIC COMMAND—-“MISSILE ATTACK”

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet
satellites
would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds Soviet
counter-missiles would be on their way.
This was their scenario……………..
But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan.
The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They
don’t
need any permission from their government, and promptly order the
countdowns.
Indian technology is highly advanced.
In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides
to launch a missile in retribution. But they need permission from the
Government of India.
They submit their request to the Defence Minister. The Defence Minister
forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha
session.
The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the
opposition,
it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.
The President asks for a quick decision.
In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical
failure. Their
attempts for a relaunch are still on.
Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a
party that was giving outside support withdraws it.
The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.
As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker
government
is installed.
The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear
missile.
But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take
such a decision because elections are at hand.
A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse
of power by the Election Commission.
The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is
authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the
nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367
miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.
Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office
that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached
somewhere in flight.
The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and
USA.
The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear
missile
of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.
This time all the parties agree.
Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations
begin, “pro-humanity”, “anti-nuclear” activists come out against
the Government’s decision. Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos
organised.
In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning
the government and mentioning “Please forward it to as many Indians as
possible”.
On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some
missiles deviate
from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing
over Rajasthan.
Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.
A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan
army is unable to understand its software, it hits its original
destination: Russia.
Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a
nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates
havoc.
Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened
and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.
Thus India never gets to launch the missile. Pakistan never gets it right.
And
J J J we live happily ever after *J J J
*Jai* Hind

^^ good one..

CC in 2020 not a joke but little funny

Operator: Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?

Operator : Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah! Hold on….. My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator : OK… you’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astronished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: May I order your Seafood Pizza…
Operator : That’s not a good idea Sir.

Customer: How come?
Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.

Customer: What?… What do you recommend then?
Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You’ll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator : You borrowed a book entitled ‘Popular Hokkien Dishes’ from the National Library last week, sir.

Customer: OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then.
Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.

Customer: Can I pay by! credit card?
Operator : I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $1,51,758 since October last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator : You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve even your overdraft limit.

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator : According to the details in system ,you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.
Customer: " ????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)

Operator : Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way… aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic… In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.

Customer: (now pissed) *%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))
Operator: Better watch your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman…?

Customer: Faints…

^ Hilarious

had some really funny pics going around on facebook…..thought of sharing it here as well