Nothing Real !
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WATCH: A woman cooks eggs on floor at her residence in Karimnagar (Telangana) as heat wave intensifies in state.
Classic!
Why only Indians are Reborn (based on the Karma system)
Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said:
‘I have to talk to you. We have some Indians here in Heaven and they are causing problems. They’re swinging on the pearly Gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce & Gabbana saris instead of their white robes, they are driving Mercedes and BMW’s instead of the chariots, and they’re selling off their halos at discounted prices’’.
They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear or clean, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas & drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!
They do not believe in discipline and push their way through the line.’
The Lord said, ’Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children.
If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.’
Gabriel calls Satan on the phone…
Satan answers the phone: ‘Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.’
Satan returns to the phone, ‘OK I’m back. What can I do for you?’
Gabriel: ‘I just wanted to know what kind of problems you’re having down there.’Satan says: ’Hold on again. I need to check on something.
‘After about 2 minutes, Satan returns to the phone andl says: ’I’m back. Now what was the question?’
Gabriel repeats the question: ‘What kind of problems are you having down there?’
Satan says: ‘Man I don’t believe this… Hold on.’ This time Satan was gone at least 5 minutes.
He returns and says: "I’m sorry Gabriel, I can’t talk right now. These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and are trying to make Hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire, which is there to keep them uncomfortably hot !!
And since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone & Internet connection between Heaven & Hell, between ME & GOD !!
They have started a social network service for the troubled, and believe in Karma, and are good in convincing others.
Some were trying to start a chai pakora, chole-batura, dosa & samosa, barfi, chakli and dhokla shop, which I had to stop.
They are excellent in corrupting everyone, and my staff is being bribed by them.
I am having difficulty in controlling the graft and corruption in Hell.
They never complain as this place seems to be better than from where they came.
I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them.
I am therefore requesting, “O GOD, PLEASE send them back to earth as soon as they arrive – for re-birth.”
So now you know – “why Indians are the only ones that are re-born” 😜😈
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:
” Life is like a flowing river of opportunities “Its upto you to stand up with a bucket or spoon.” 😊☕💐
@panchabhut @Born Legend
@usa11 @cm4444
Opportunity is bald on the back side. You need to reach out and catch it by its hair only when its in front of you. Once it passes you, there’s nothing to catch it with.
Murphy’s First Law for Wives:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
Miller’s Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.
First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.
Weiner’s Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.
Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
The Grocery Bag Law:
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
And Here goes the last one !!
Lampner’s Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot !
😜😜😜😜
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:
फ़ितूर होता है हर उम्र मे जुदा जुदा…….. खिलौने, माशूक़, रसूख़ और ख़ुदा।
@PaytmKaPoojari
@rajrocks @raj0390
@Beinghuman
Reference :- Source
https://twitter.com/shivchou...yb
Ek Sahab Maulvi ke paas jaate.
Jaake unko boltay, Maulvi sahab, kabi kabi raatku aankh khuli tou dekha, hamari begum ka chehra, roushan dikhta bilanket ke uppar takk roushni dikhti!
Yeh kaisa noor hai Maulvi sahab?
Maulvi sahab boltay, arrey hawley mobile ku password daal !
Tera fone check karti unne raat mein !…..
😀😀😀😀
I have watced ‘FAN’. It’s just amazing and mind blowing.Initialy it is very slow but later on it picks up the speed. You can also watch it live at your place. Just switch it on and it will start revolving on the ceiling!!! 😃
@srocks @Achilles
@Jairaj @Patel @numberek
@the king @Bulwark
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:
I have watced ‘FAN’. It’s just amazing and mind blowing.Initialy it is very slow but later on it picks up the speed. You can also watch it live at your place. Just switch it on and it will start revolving on the ceiling!!! 😃
-—
@srocks @Achilles
@Jairaj @Patel @numberek
@the king @Bulwark
subah 4:30 bje to ceiling fan hi dekhne ko milega 
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:
I have watced ‘FAN’. It’s just amazing and mind blowing.Initialy it is very slow but later on it picks up the speed. You can also watch it live at your place. Just switch it on and it will start revolving on the ceiling!!! 😃
-—
@srocks @Achilles
@Jairaj @Patel @numberek
@the king @Bulwark
I just don’t like that man period.
@Spock wrote:
trust me, PLEASE, Barood bhai is a good boy, not a bad boy .. unko bakhsh dou
the moment he said that he is beautiful inside and outside ! on 11th April i immediately started http://archive.is...WV following the topic.
[don’t be J @srocks, i was even following the topic you started about four minutes after making your above comment > http://archive.is...gn]
.
पुलिस वाले ने उससे पूछा कि इस लाल बैग में क्या है?
.
आदमी ने कहा बताते हैं बताते हैं,
.
पुलिस वाले ने फिर पूछा क्या है,
.
आदमी ने फिर कहा बताते हैं बताते हैं,
.
पुलिस वाले को थोड़ा शक हुआ और वह उसे थाने ले आया।
.
थाने में बम डिफ्यूज करने वालों को बुलाकर उसका बैग खुलवाया तो उसमें बताशे निकले।
.
पुलिस वाले ने उससे कहा कि इसमें बताशे हैं तुम बोल क्यों नहीं रहे थे।
.
आदमी ने कहा कि इत्ती देल से यही तो तह लहा था ती इतमें बताते हैं बताते हैं।
😜😜😜😜
@Spock wrote:
trust me, PLEASE, Barood bhai is a good boy, not a bad boy .. unko bakhsh dou
the moment he said that he is beautiful inside and outside ! on 11th April i immediately started http://archive.is...WV following the topic.
[don’t be J @srocks, i was even following the topic you started about four minutes after making your above comment > http://archive.is...gn]
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements.
After a while…..,Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, “So, how’s it going down there?”
Satan says, “Hey things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God is horrified.
“What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake—he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "
Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I’m keeping him.”
God says, "Send him back up here or I’ll sue you.
“Yeah, right,” Satan laughs, “and from where are you going to get a lawyer?”
@Spock wrote:
trust me, PLEASE, Barood bhai is a good boy, not a bad boy .. unko bakhsh dou
the moment he said that he is beautiful inside and outside ! on 11th April i immediately started http://archive.is...WV following the topic.
[don’t be J @srocks, i was even following the topic you started about four minutes after making your above comment > http://archive.is...gn]
जो अच्छा लगता है उसे गौर से मत देखो
….ऐसा न हो कोई बुराई निकल आए
जो बुरा लगता है उसे गौर से देखो
….मुमकिन है कोई अच्छाई नजर आ जाए।
@Spock wrote:
trust me, PLEASE, Barood bhai is a good boy, not a bad boy .. unko bakhsh dou
the moment he said that he is beautiful inside and outside ! on 11th April i immediately started http://archive.is...WV following the topic.
[don’t be J @srocks, i was even following the topic you started about four minutes after making your above comment > http://archive.is...gn]
BASIC PRINCIPLES of A O L
1. You know there are ups and downs in life. Pleasant things happen, unpleasant things happen. The first principle is: In all situations, keep the balance of the mind.
Often what happens, when things go our way, we are so happy. But when things don’t go our way, we get depressed and angry. To maintain equanimity is the first principle.
2. The next principle is to accept people as they are. Accept difference; it could be temperament, ideology, whatever. Accept them as they are. A very important principle.
3. The third principle is, don’t be a football of others’ opinions. Don’t worry what others are thinking about you. In fact, nobody has time to think about you. Look into yourself and see what is right and what is not right for you, by yourself.
4. The next point is, don’t see intention behind others’ mistakes. Very important. Inside every culprit there is a victim crying for help. Recognizing that.
5. And live in the present moment.
These are the basic five things that we have to
in mind.
What happens with these basic principles? Three things happen. Purity of heart, clarity of mind, and sincerity in action. That’s all.
~~HH Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
@Spock wrote:
trust me, PLEASE, Barood bhai is a good boy, not a bad boy .. unko bakhsh dou
the moment he said that he is beautiful inside and outside ! on 11th April i immediately started http://archive.is...WV following the topic.
[don’t be J @srocks, i was even following the topic you started about four minutes after making your above comment > http://archive.is...gn]
एक"शख्स"बन कर ना
जिओ..
बल्कि
एक"शख्सियत"बन कर जिओ…
क्योकि"शख्स"तो मर जाता है
पर
“शख्सियत” हमेशा ज़िंदा रहती है..
@Spock wrote:
trust me, PLEASE, Barood bhai is a good boy, not a bad boy .. unko bakhsh dou
the moment he said that he is beautiful inside and outside ! on 11th April i immediately started http://archive.is...WV following the topic.
[don’t be J @srocks, i was even following the topic you started about four minutes after making your above comment > http://archive.is...gn]
वियतनाम विश्व का एक छोटा सा देश है जिसने….. अमेरिका जैसे बड़े बलशाली देश को झुका दिया।
लगभग बीस वर्षों तक
चले युद्ध में अमेरिका पराजित हुआ। अमेरिका पर विजय के बाद वियतनाम के राष्ट्राध्यक्ष से एक पत्रकार ने एक सवाल पूछा…..
जाहिर सी बात है कि सवाल यही होगा कि आप युद्ध कैसे जीते या अमेरिका को कैसे झुका दिया ??
पर उस प्रश्न का दिए गए उत्तर को सुनकर आप हैरान रह जायेंगे और आपका सीना भी गर्व से भर जायेगा।
दिया गया उत्तर पढ़िये।
सभी देशों में सबसे शक्ति शाली देश अमेरिका को हराने के लिए मैंने एक महान व् श्रेष्ठ भारतीय राजा का चरित्र पढ़ा।
और उस जीवनी से मिली प्रेरणा व युद्धनीति का प्रयोग कर हमने सरलता से विजय प्राप्त की।
आगे पत्रकार ने पूछा…
“कौन थे वो महान राजा ?”
मित्रों जब मैंने पढ़ा तब से जैसे मेरा सीना गर्व से चौड़ा हो गया आपका भी सीना गर्व से भर जायेगा।
वियतनाम के राष्ट्राध्यक्ष ने
खड़े होकर जवाब दिया…
“वो थे भारत के राजस्थान में मेवाड़ के महाराजा महाराणा प्रताप सिंह !!”
महाराणा प्रताप का नाम
लेते समय उनकी आँखों में एक वीरता भरी चमक थी। आगे उन्होंने कहा…
“अगर ऐसे राजा ने हमारे देश में जन्म लिया होता तो हमने सारे विश्व पर राज किया होता।”
कुछ वर्षों के बाद उस राष्ट्राध्यक्ष की मृत्यु हुई तो जानिए उसने अपनी समाधि पर क्या लिखवाया…
“यह महाराणा प्रताप के एक शिष्य की समाधि है !!”कालांतर में वियतनाम के
विदेशमंत्री भारत के दौरे पर आए थे। पूर्व नियोजित कार्य क्रमानुसार उन्हें पहले लाल किला व बाद में गांधीजी की समाधि दिखलाई गई।
का उल्लेख किया। वियतनाम के विदेशमंत्री उदयपुर गये, वहाँ उनहोंने महाराणा प्रताप की समाधि के दर्शन किये।
समाधी के दर्शन करने के बाद उन्होंने समाधि के पास की मिट्टी उठाई और उसे अपने बैग में भर लिया इस पर पत्रकार ने मिट्टी रखने का कारण पूछा !!
उन विदेशमंत्री महोदय ने कहा “ये मिट्टी शूरवीरों की है।
इस मिट्टी में एक महान् राजा ने जन्म लिया ये मिट्टी मैं अपने देश की मिट्टी में
मिला दूंगा …”
“ताकि मेरे देश में भी ऐसे ही वीर पैदा हो। मेरा यह राजा केवल भारत का गर्व न होकर सम्पूर्ण विश्व का गर्व होना चाहिए।”
@Spock wrote:@srocks wrote::roll:@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@Jairaj wrote:
Why would anyone want to become a ‘thing’?#sahi pakde hain,
I presume anything includes becoming Anaconda , shark, dianosour or Mogli !
@Spock admin team great job now suspend
woot ¿?
please understand that in Baroodwa‘s topic only Baroodwa has primary rights to go off-topic or on a totally different trajectory.
[operative word being only]
even he hasn’t don it in here, then how can others !i am unsure whom you want me to suspend.
I sure as heaven can not ‘suspend’ anyone from admin team, heck i can not suspend ‘anyone’ for that matter !
[or you meant to say that admin team is doing great job and now should suspend ?]but suspend whom
trust me, PLEASE, Barood bhai is a good boy, not a bad boy .. unko bakhsh dou
the moment he said that he is beautiful inside and outside ! on 11th April i immediately started http://archive.is...WV following the topic.[don’t be J @srocks, i was even following the topic you started about four minutes after making your above comment > http://archive.is...gn]
The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia.
The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought the master, Captain John Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo’s position was latitude 0 degrees x 31 minutes north and longitude 179 degrees x 30 minutes west.
The date was 30 December 1899. “Know what this means?” First Mate Payton broke in, “we’re only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line”.
Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime. He called his navigators to the bridge to check and double check the ships position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed.
The calm weather and clear night worked in his favour.
At midnight the “Warrimoo” lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line!
The consequences of this bizarre position were many. The forward part of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere and the middle of summer. The stern was in the Northern Hemisphere and in the middle of winter. The date in the aft part of the ship was 31December 1899. Forward it was 1 January 1900.
This ship was therefore not only in two different days, two different months, two different seasons and two different years but in two different centuries-all at the same time.
See thus after closing eyes by half .
@JonSnow @mahidada