*Stop Serving the Feedback Sandwich*

*Stop Serving the Feedback Sandwich*

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Adam Grant
Wharton professor, NYT writer, author of ORIGINALS and GIVE AND TAKE

Stop Serving the Feedback Sandwich

How do you give feedback to a CEO who’s twice your age? I was 25, a new professor called in as a last-ditch, Hail Mary effort to save a dying company. They had already fired three consultants, so why not try me?

The CEO had been leading longer than I’d been alive. After several weeks of watching him in action, interviewing his senior team, and gathering data from his employees, it was time for me to bring down the hatchet. His company had merged with another firm and he was still trying to figure out where to go. His team desperately needed him to outline a vision.

When I went to colleagues for advice, they all told me the same thing. Put a slice of praise on the top and the bottom, and stick the meat of your criticism in between. It’s the compliment sandwich, as Stewie Griffin called it on Family Guy—a technique for giving feedback that’s popular among leaders and coaches, parents and teachers.

But when I looked at the data, I learned that the feedback sandwich doesn’t taste as good as it looks.

Problem 1: the positives fall on deaf ears. When people hear praise during a feedback conversation, they brace themselves. They’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it makes the opening compliment seem insincere. You didn’t really mean it; you were just trying to soften the blow.

Problem 2: if you avoid that risk and manage to be genuine about the positives, they can drown out the negatives. Research shows that primacy and recency effects are powerful: we often remember what happens first and last a conversation, glossing over the middle. When you start and end with positive feedback, it’s all too easy for the criticism to get buried or discounted.

Giving a compliment sandwich might make the giver feel good, but it doesn’t help the receiver.

Instead, try these four steps to make your criticism feel constructive:

1. Explain why you’re giving the feedback

Recently, a team of psychologists was able to make feedback 40% more effective by prefacing it with just 19 words:

“I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them.”
Rather than feeling attacked, now you feel like the person has your back and believes in your future. People are remarkably open to criticism when they believe it’s intended to help them. As Kim Scott observes, people will accept being challenged directly if you show that you care personally.

2. Take yourself off a pedestal

Negative feedback can make people feel inferior. If you level the playing field, it’s a lot less threatening:

“I’ve benefited a lot from people giving me feedback, and I’m trying to pay that forward.”
“I’ve been studying great managers, and I’ve noticed that they spend a lot of time giving feedback. I’m working on doing more of that.”
“Now that we’ve been working together for a while, I think it would be great if we gave each other suggestions for how we can be more effective.”
All of these messages send a clear signal: I’m not perfect. I’m trying to get better too.

3. Ask if the person wants feedback

“I noticed a couple things and wondered if you’re interested in some feedback.”

I’ve opened this way many times, and no one has ever declined. Once people take ownership over the decision to receive feedback, they’re less defensive about it.

4. Have a transparent dialogue, not a manipulative monologue

Organizational psychologist Roger Schwarz suggests a thought experiment. Imagine that you’re about to give feedback to two employees, but you have to be transparent about what you’re trying to accomplish:

“I have some negative feedback to give you. I’ll start with some positive feedback to relax you, and then give you the negative feedback, which is the real purpose of our meeting. I’ll end with more positive feedback so you won’t be so disappointed or angry at me when you leave my office.”
It sounds ridiculous. Here’s what Schwarz recommends instead:

“The presentation you gave to the senior leadership team this morning may have created confusion about our strategy. Let me tell you how I’d like to approach this meeting and see if it works for you. I want to start by describing what I saw that raised my concerns and see if you saw the same things. After we agree on what happened, I want to say more about my concerns and see if you share them. Then we can decide what, if anything, we need to do going forward. I’m open to the possibility that I may be missing things or that I contributed the concerns I’m raising. How does that work for you?”
Putting it in Action

When I was preparing for the meeting with the CEO, I learned that all three consultants had tried to compliment him, and he saw right through it. It was time to take the feedback sandwich off the menu and be radically candid.

I started by explaining why I was giving the feedback. “Your senior team all believes you’re the right guy to save this company, and I do too. I hope I’ve seen something that can help you do that.”

Next I took myself off a pedestal. “I see this as a two-way street—there’s a lot I can learn from you about leadership. Who are the leaders who have taught you the most in your career?”

He gave me a few examples, and one was a leader with a clear, compelling vision. I took the opening and asked if he wanted feedback: “Your team actually has some pretty consistent views on how you can deliver your vision. Do you want to hear them?”

He nodded and took out a pen. I shared a few of their observations and asked if he agreed. He did—he needed to clarify the vision. A few weeks later, he stood up and rolled out his vision. It was a triumph.

Later that year the company failed anyway. But if I had given a compliment sandwich, it might have failed even sooner.


Adam Grant is a Wharton professor and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World. His free monthly newsletter on work and psychology is at www.adamgra...et

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Adam Grant
Wharton professor, NYT writer, author of ORIGINALS and GIVE AND TAKE

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Ian Bremmer
President at Eurasia Group
The Key to Success? Remembering What You Really Want

In this series, professionals describe what numbers govern their happiness.

How you measure success depends a lot on how you grew up. If you grew up strapped for cash, more often than not making lots of money is one way you measure success. If you grew up in a house where no one went to college, making it to graduation day is a great marker of success. “Success” is inherently relative, and chances are that your own metric will change numerous times over the course of your life. I know it has for me.

Early in my career, I spent too much time trying to tick off as many boxes as I could, as fast as I could: get into the right grad school, finish the PhD, get published in an academic journal, write a book. Make enough money that I wouldn’t constantly be worried about my finances. For me, that last one basically meant buying a nice place to live without a mortgage hanging over my head—something I only managed around 10 years ago.

But given where I am today, “success” comes down to three basic sets of questions:

1) Am I making a difference? Am I informing the way people think and, on a good day, the way they make choices?

2) How am I spending my time? Am I having fun and enjoying both my uptime and my downtime?

3) Am I being myself?

This last one is critical, but if you can answer “yes” to the first two, the third follows pretty naturally. It’s always been important to me that my public persona reflect my private one as much as possible. I like to think I’ve been doing a good job with this one. Though I fully intend to get more eccentric as I get older. Keep checking in to see my progress.

But it’s taken me a while to reach this stage. I often think back to 2006, the year I wrote my first big book, The J-Curve. In the run-up to the book’s release, I remember stressing out mightily. I mean every day for a solid couple months, I couldn’t get it out of my head. It was the first time that I was really putting myself “out there,” and I was worried that people wouldn’t like what I had to say. As it turned out, the response was better than I could have imagined—I was invited as a guest on The Daily Show, and The Economist (the magazine that absolutely meant the most to me) named it one of their “Books of the Year.”

In the midst of all that excitement, I turned to a friend of mine and told him to remind me of this moment if I ever—ever—complained about anything in the future. Hard work and brains be damned, I felt as if I never deserved as much as I had just accomplished, and I better stay grateful and keep that front of mind no matter what comes next. That’s stuck with me to this day.

Ian Bremmer is president of Eurasia Group, foreign affairs columnist at TIME and Global Research Professor at New York University. You can also follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

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Ian Bremmer
President at Eurasia Group


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How to Accept and Give Professional Criticism With Grace

Criticism is a fact of life and a powerful training tool when we understand how to put it to use. We will almost certainly receive criticism (constructive or otherwise) from a supervisor giving feedback and possibly from a client at some point in our professional career. It is important to prepare yourself for all types of criticism in the workplace. With deep breaths and an open mind, you’ll be armed with the knowledge to handle the situation properly.

How to Accept Office Criticism With Grace

1. Be Mindful of Your Body Language

When offered constructive criticism, pay special attention to your body language. Assume a “neutral” posture; keep your arms on the table, in your lap, or a combination of both. Maintain eye contact, and be aware of your shifting weight. Avoid crossing your arms, tightening your fists, pursing your lips, or rolling your eyes. What gives a man or woman the right to lead..?

2. Arrive Prepared

Reflect back and take an objective look at your past and current performance. Have you made mistakes that have affected the company’s bottom line? Do you have a habit of arriving late or missing deadlines? If so, have an action plan that you have taken (or will take immediately) to remedy your behavior. Bring along a list of positive contributions you’ve made to move the department forward. And, whatever you do, bring a pen and paper to the meeting. 3 Ways to Win Over Your New Boss

3. Remain Calm and Do Not Respond With Angry Excuses

Often our first instinct is to react defensively. Instead, pause for a moment to allow yourself time to process the critique and then respond in a calm and polished manner. If you fly off the handle when a supervisor gives you a critique, it sends a message that you are not prepared to handle pressure. However, if you accept difficult feedback with a calm and thoughtful demeanor, it shows that you can separate emotion from business—an essential skill for success in the workplace. If you need more time to respond, it is fine to calmly say, “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention and will follow up with you on how I plan to overcome this challenge.” If you feel the feedback is unduly harsh or unfair, ask for some time to process the information while you formulate your next step. Interview Tips for Project Managers

4. Rethink the Word “Criticism”

Stay open to hearing a message that may be of value and use it as an opportunity to improve. By taking the “feedback” as a professional courtesy, you instantly receive the opportunity to expand your skills, behavior, and overall professional image. Asking for your employer’s advice on how you can improve shows your commitment to both the company and your responsibilities. Even if you disagree with the critique, be open minded to a different way of thinking. You will gain insight into what others see, which may be very different from your own perspective.

5. Show Gratitude

Delivering constructive criticism can be a challenge. Demonstrate your grace by thanking your boss or colleague for his or her honesty and professionalism when offering feedback. Ask for clarification if you have any questions. Consider thanking the person for his or her input.

How to Deliver Professional Criticism

Evaluating an employee’s performance is an inevitable part of a managerial position, especially when you are the supervisor or team leader. When issues arise, it is important to know how to effectively communicate your concerns in a thoughtful and professional manner. Knowing how to frame this conversation can ensure a receptive employee as well as a positive outcome.

1. Talk Privately

Addressing an issue with an employee is a delicate matter. Do not involve an audience by voicing your concerns in the office break room or other public area. Instead, hold your conversation in a comfortable location, preferably your office, a conference room, or a coffee shop away from the bustle of the workday. This will minimize uncomfortable feelings and allow you to speak candidly. How to Work Smart Not Hard

2. Insert the Negative Between Two Positives

Begin the conversation by mentioning what the employee has done correctly. For instance, start by saying, “Michael, thank you for volunteering to create the design briefs for our monthly staff meeting.” Move into, “I have some suggestions that I feel will improve the end result. In the future, can you be sure to include our design mockups for each project?” Close by emphasizing the employee’s additional strengths. “Our meeting went a lot smoother thanks to those labeled tabs.” Using genuine compliments and giving constructive feedback will make the person more receptive.

3. Highlight the Issue, Not the Person

When providing criticism, be sure to focus on the particular circumstance or actions that prompted the discussion. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to keep the issue at the forefront of the conversation, not the person’s character. Rather than saying, “You are never prepared,” try saying, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed overwhelmed with new clients these past few months. With all this added work, I am sure you could use some assistance.”

4. Give Specific Details

It is not enough to tell someone they are doing something wrong. You have to provide them with a clear explanation of what you want them to change. Telling someone “to be friendlier” lacks context and does not give the person a foundation to improve. On the other hand, saying, “We strive to provide the best experience for our customers and that starts with answering the telephone with a cheerful voice,” paints a clear picture of what is to follow.

5. Provide Suggestions on How to Improve

Rather than leaving your employees to figure it out, include a few recommendations to move them in the right direction. Be sure to mention how each suggestion will facilitate their development. Offer support through workshops, article links, videos, and other support materials.

6. Be Available

Keep the lines of communication open long after the initial discussion. Check in periodically to see how the person is doing and to answer any questions they might have. Being supportive of your employee or co-worker’s development is crucial to maintaining a positive workplace environment. 10 Self Improvement Activities You Must Consider

7. Follow Up With Additional Feedback

Sometimes change takes time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give kudos as employees develop their skills. Whether you schedule regular meetings or just pull them aside, make sure to recognize their progress and thank them for their initiative. This positive gesture will go a long way in encouraging them to move forward.

Before walking into your next performance review, be sure to have a well thought out strategy in place for handling the criticism you may receive or the criticism you may need to deliver to those you interact with at the office.

​Source:inc

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ट्रेन को पुलिस ने चारों तरफ से घेर रखा था क्योंकि बिना टिकट वालों की चेकिंग हो रही थी !!

इतने में एक सरदार जी ट्रेन से कुदे और लगे भागने
उनको भागते देख सभी पुलिस वाले , मजिस्ट्रेट सब उसको पकडने दौडे
देखते ही देखते सरदार जी के साथ कई लोग भागने लगे ,
चुंकि सभी पुलिस वालों और मजिस्ट्रेट का ध्यान सरदार जी की तरफ था इसलिए दुसरों के उपर किसी का ध्यान नहीं गया !!

अंत में सरदार जी को पकडा गया लेकिन साथ दौडने वाले भाग निकले

फिर पुलिस वालों ने सरदारजी से टिकट दिखाने को कहा

सरदार जी ने जेब से तुरंत टिकट निकाला और मजिस्ट्रेट के हाथों में रख दिया !

सभी हक्के बक्के ,

मजिस्ट्रेट ने चिल्लाकर पुछा जब तेरे पास टिकट थी तो तुम भागे क्यों ?

सरदार जी मौन रहे हल्के से मुस्कराते रहे !!

जब मजिस्ट्रेट ने ज्यादा जोर देकर पुछा तो सरदार जी ने मुंह खोला और कहा "हजारों सवालों से अच्छी है मेरी दौड, ना जाने कितनों की आबरू बच गई " !!!!

मतलब सरदार जी तो ईमानदार रह गए लेकिन कई घोटाले बाज़ों को अपने ईमानदारी के सर्टिफिकेट से बचा ले गए।।

286 907
Deal Major
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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:

ट्रेन को पुलिस ने चारों तरफ से घेर रखा था क्योंकि बिना टिकट वालों की चेकिंग हो रही थी !!

इतने में एक सरदार जी ट्रेन से कुदे और लगे भागने
उनको भागते देख सभी पुलिस वाले , मजिस्ट्रेट सब उसको पकडने दौडे
देखते ही देखते सरदार जी के साथ कई लोग भागने लगे ,
चुंकि सभी पुलिस वालों और मजिस्ट्रेट का ध्यान सरदार जी की तरफ था इसलिए दुसरों के उपर किसी का ध्यान नहीं गया !!

अंत में सरदार जी को पकडा गया लेकिन साथ दौडने वाले भाग निकले
फिर पुलिस वालों ने सरदारजी से टिकट दिखाने को कहा

सरदार जी ने जेब से तुरंत टिकट निकाला और मजिस्ट्रेट के हाथों में रख दिया !

सभी हक्के बक्के ,

मजिस्ट्रेट ने चिल्लाकर पुछा जब तेरे पास टिकट थी तो तुम भागे क्यों ?

सरदार जी मौन रहे हल्के से मुस्कराते रहे !!

जब मजिस्ट्रेट ने ज्यादा जोर देकर पुछा तो सरदार जी ने मुंह खोला और कहा "हजारों सवालों से अच्छी है मेरी दौड, ना जाने कितनों की आबरू बच गई " !!!!

मतलब सरदार जी तो ईमानदार रह गए लेकिन कई घोटाले बाज़ों को अपने ईमानदारी के सर्टिफिकेट से बचा ले गए।।


am bad in hindi cry cry

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Download App for free on Play Store
English

Your Story
ECOMMERCE
E-commerce: The keys to success
SHUBHANKAR BHATTACHARYA , 18 APRIL 2016
If there is one sector that is impossible to keep away from the news, it must be e-commerce. For all the euphoria around the ubiquity of e-commerce today, not all of the news is particularly positive.
Take the case of the Rocket-Internet backed Jabong, reportedly unable to find buyers at a price of $100 million, a price that is a tenth of the $1 billion it solicited in 2015. While another Rocket Internet company FabFurnish did eventually find a buyer in the Future Group at a price of Rs 20 crore, a sum that is widely believed to be a small fraction of the total amount invested in to the firm since its inception in 2011.
When we choose to look at the market leaders in India, it would seem that the picture becomes even scarier. Amazon, Flipkart, and Snapdeal are locked in a bitter battle to the end, one where they might well have to also deal with Alibaba, sooner rather than later.
Does that mean then that all is gloom and doom for e-commerce? Certainly not!
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In fact, over the last decade, no other sector has created as many large companies, directly or indirectly, and redefined consumer behaviour the way e-commerce has. In the magnitude of its impact on the rising urban middle class of India, e-commerce is probably second only to the rise of the IT industry at the turn of the 21st century.
No other sector has taken so many different forms to tap into a large market, and a large market is the starting prerequisite for us at Kae Capital, just as it is with most VCs around the world.
However, with so many heavily funded competitors and business models around, the odds of success in e-commerce are also not particularly encouraging.
What then, do we feel are the keys to success in e-commerce?
Ecommerce_Cover_Yourstory
Image by Aditya Ranade
Differentiation
The first generation of successful e-commerce businesses were horizontal platforms across categories such as Amazon and Flipkart (even though neither of them started as such).
We then saw firms taking up specialised vertical niches in categories that were underpenetrated by the horizontal businesses, such as furniture (Pepperfry and UrbanLadder), groceries (Big Basket and Grofers), eyewear (Lenskart), jewellery (CaratLane and Bluestone)and baby products (Firstcry and Babyoye), etc.
Other companies have found interesting angles to facilitate the buyer’s purchase decision: By focusing on second-hand products (Quikr and OLX), through social validation (Limeroad and Roposo) or even by emphasising on speed of delivery (Grofers).
And it would seem like there is room for many more models with their own USP.
A few months ago, one of my colleagues walked in with a rather fancy set of earphones and asked me to guess the price. My guess was Rs 2000, almost 10 times the Rs 225 he paid for it.When I asked him about how he got it for so cheap, he told me he had bought it on Wish, a cross-border shopping app hailed by many as the newest disruptor to e-commerce.
The catch? He had to wait a month for the delivery.
There is always room for e-commerce companies to find their own defensible niche, and Wish’s example shows that a USP can also be built on a trade-off.
Profitable moats

Profitability is perhaps every VC’s favourite word this season. But no, I do not mean profitability in the context of unit economics (perhaps every VC’s favourite two-word phrase this season).
What I am referring to is an e-commerce business’ ability to create ancillary revenue streams that are highly defensible and highly profitable and Amazon is undoubtedly the best example of this.
In addition to its e-commerce platform, Amazon also offers Amazon Web Services (AWS), an enterprise cloud infrastructure service. In the final quarter of 2015, AWS scored revenues of $2.4 billion and an operating profit of $687 million.
AWS delivers an operating margin of nearly 30 per cent.
I suspect that Amazon’s other non e-commerce businesses such as Twitch and the Kindle ecosystem will deliver similar financial gains in due time.
These ancillary businesses have been able to become (or promise to become) so profitable because of the scale and growth that Amazon’s e-commerce business has achieved. Scale is beautiful for e-commerce. Even in 2016.
Execution and flexibility
The Department of Industrial Policy & Promotion recently mandated that e-commerce marketplaces would not be able to sell more than 25 per cent of their aggregate numbers through a single vendor or other group companies. Many believe that this regulation will cripple Amazon and Flipkart in the short-term, since a much more significant proportion of their sales can be attributed to vendors that they are affiliated to.
However, this isn’t the first time either Flipkart or Amazon have faced similar regulatory hurdles.
In early 2014, the Enforcement Directorate was considering levying a penalty of Rs 1,400 crore on Flipkart for allegedly violating the prevailing FDI norms. Later that same year, the Karnataka government prohibited Amazon from selling certain products from its warehouse over its interpretation of the type of Amazon is, and the taxation laws that should apply to it.
The new norms on e-commerce marketplaces might well be a blessing in disguise and might help on-board the long-tail of merchants, the merchants who have thus far stayed away due to fears of predatory pricing killing their margins.
But even if that isn’t the case, history suggests that e-commerce demands entrepreneurs who are prepared to deal with legal ambiguities and the ramifications that come as a result of such ambiguities, and can ride them through.
Ambition
Most e-commerce entrepreneurs pitching to me justify their case by using arguments such as “The market is large enough” and “There is room for one more player”.
I can identify with them, I have used these lines myself while pitching to VCs.
What time has revealed though is that in e-commerce, like most other Internet-enabled businesses, there is room for only one, maybe two, dominant market leaders in each category. As an entrepreneur, the only way you can get e-commerce’s massive market potential to yield to you is if you enter with the objective of becoming that dominant market leader.
This is not to say that most entrepreneurs do not want to succeed.
However, becoming a market leader in e-commerce requires someone who is especially driven, maybe even maniacal, when it comes to beating fierce competition in order to succeed.
E-commerce makes for an exciting sector, one where the stakes are always very high. Even though it is categorised by dominant leaders, it is also a space where a new entrant can always disrupt existing players using a better model or superior technology.
In so many ways, e-commerce seems like a dangerous gamble. Perhaps that is also why it is a game so hard to resist.
(Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of YourStory)

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जिंदगी एंड्रॉइड सिस्टम जैसी हो गयी है…..

जरा समझने की कोशिश करो तभी नया वर्ज़न आ जाता है….

☝🏻🙄🙄

@babapathan

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जिंदगी एंड्रॉइड सिस्टम जैसी हो गयी है…..

जरा समझने की कोशिश करो तभी नया वर्ज़न आ जाता है….

☝🏻🙄🙄


Koi DD k ghadiyaal ko thik karo yaar. Jab dekho iske 12 baje hote hai toungueout

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Negativism, the deadliest pandemic

The disease negativism, makes the mind restless, revengeful, robs the very capacity of understanding and the worst thing of all, develops a pathological inability to tolerate anything positive. It corrodes the capacity to use one’s mind in a constructive manner, somehow selects a target for hate and attributes everything bad to the target. Refusal to understand and automatically misunderstand and misinterpret become primary motivations.Obfuscation, penchant for the negative only, first damages at the personal level in personal relations, and extends into the social relations, and depending on the social station of the person, may infect large sections of acquaintances.
Negativism automatically needs targets for victimization. The target has to be weak as otherwise the retaliation may be costly. But each success wets the appetite. Often the immediate targets invariably are women. These people prefer women to be really weak, insecure and as a result docile. One can see the shameless targeting of women by the Talibans, destroying their schools, converting into sex slaves, publicly lashing the women right in the streets so that humiliation becomes a cultural facet. Women become property like the live stock.
A woman is a bundle of emotions. As a sweet child any girl is simply divinely, like a wonderful flower. Unfortunately in the brutalized culture, an offshoot of primary negativism, even her enchanting magnetism gets ignored. In fact aversion towards the positive first extends towards children. We hear of the ISIS, crucifying babies.
When I write about the need to avoid the negative words, it is meant to me also, as I do not want to corrupt my mind. When I find anything positive I make it a point to show my appreciation. We all have to guard against the latent Talibanism, in the shape of negativism in us. Unfortunately this Talibanism is getting covered up as Puritanism. We are finding the emergence of the moral and culture police in our country also. The problem with the Taliban is trying or actually viewing noble missions in a negative light. The good intentioned get stunned and puzzled.
One more terrible problem is the change our media is bringing to things identified as sublime and positive. A case in point is the use of the word beef to mean the flesh of a cow after killing it. The Cow called Kamadhenu is viewed very positively in Hinduism. By coining phrases like the Beef Politics, absolute insensitivity to something held as sacred is displayed by the media. It is horribly negative to the core.

Occasionally you may find the negativism even in the posts in social media groups. When deliberately a message is negatively interpreted using all the scholarship at one’s command, against even positively motivated postings, it means that the person misinterpreting and lampooning is trying to get revenge from some horrible bitter experiences—insults, failures etc suffered previously. The bitterness rankles so much, the person needs to continue the quarrel with someone else as the original adversary is no longer available.
YM

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It is not that one goes to paradise;

paradise is not somewhere in the sky –

it is something that one creates around himself.

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A wave has an inherent fear of extinction. The moment it rises, it knows it will fall and everything will be over.
As soon as the wave realises it is actually the ocean, this fear vanishes.
Meditation makes the wave realise it is the ocean.

Jai @asoka

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आज की ताज़ा खबर……

ब्रेड के 84% नमूनों में कैंसरकारी केमिकल पाये गए. सरकार ने दिए जांच के आदेश……

इसका मतलब?
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जल्द ही पतंजलि ब्रेड का मार्केट में आगमन होने वाला है…..
😁😁😁

Che smiling1
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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:

A wave has an inherent fear of extinction. The moment it rises, it knows it will fall and everything will be over.
As soon as the wave realises it is actually the ocean, this fear vanishes.
Meditation makes the wave realise it is the ocean.

Jai @asoka


Hahaha… U took quite long to understand my waves lol
Good one.
Jai @@waves@@ biggrin

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One day a man stopped Birbal on the street and began narrating his woes to him. ‘I’ve walked twenty miles to see you, and all along the way people kept saying you were the most generous man in the country,’ he told Birbal. Birbal knew the man was going to ask him for a favour. He replied, ‘While going back on the same way, please deny the rumour of my generosity,’ said Birbal, walking away.

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PATIENT BEHAVIOUR. ..

A doctor’s version of dealing. ..
With it. .

Elderly lady (and husband )came with Post menopausal bleeding; being Neighbours; got Free consultation and free scanning from me.

Thick endometrium on TVUS I advised endometrial biopsy

And they disappeared And reappeared with biopsy report
Biopsy done elsewhere for an astronomical price

Atypical hyperplasia

‘We could have done it here, for cheaper price’…? I asked politely shrugging my arms

‘Sorry our daughter insisted, so we decided there’

Okay

‘Its better to have a hysterectomy’ ; I suggested

And they did the disappearing act again. Later they came with HPE of hysterectomy specimen

Hysterectomy done at the daughter’s choicest place for an astronomical sum again

‘No cancer, nothing to worry, I reassured them’

And politely asked

‘You could have done this here too’

‘Sorry our daughter insisted’

‘Now, why are you here…?’

‘We need reimbursement bills to be signed’
And fitness certificate too’

‘But that’s given by the concerned doctors, right…?’

I asked politely

‘No, our daughter said you can sign and issue’

That’s it crossed the limit

I sent my office assistant to fetch my daughter

When she came to the room I asked her

‘Can I give them the certificates, which they’re asking..?’

Visibly puzzled she stared at me

And I told the couple ‘Sorry, my daughter doesn’t seems to like the idea,

‘like you, I also follow whatever my daughter says’

SORRY
I stood up and they left

I hate to misbehave. Patients have their right to choose

But, taking someone for a ride That’s cruelty .

PS :
Someday one has to learn to behave like this also.


@Achilles @marketdimer
@JonSnow @dealyogi
@srocks @mahidada

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We have seen that the most important things in a proper debate are definition of the terms used in the debate and providing evidence for statements the onus of proof of which falls on the man who makes the statement/s.

Now in providing evidence there are what are called fallacies. There is a comprehensive list of fallacies we commit everyday on https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fal...es. Of these fallacies I would like to focus on two which we make too often in our discussion and they are 1. Appeal to Authority and 2. Anecdotal evidence.

1. Appeal to authority: This consists of over dependence on statements in books such as scriptures and on statements and endorsements by well known figures. Film stars endorsing cosmetics and other products belongs to this category. Citations from bible, Koran, Geetha etc as if they are infallible also fall in this category. Statements by famous people also fall in this category. Thus Gandhi promoted the idea of self-sufficient villages which has been discarded as impractical in this modern world of specialization, mutual cooperation and globalization. In the past people depended too much on such personalities or gurus and accepted what they said without any verification. Thus Aristotle who was a super-guru in those days said that heavier things fell faster than lighter things and this was accepted without questioning for over 1500 years until Galileo showed at the leaning tower of Pisa that a feather and a cannon ball fell at the same speed. It was for his promotion of the importance of evidence that Galileo is called the father of modern science. His dictum was ‘measure what is measurable and make measurable what is not.” Now in the fields of arts, authority still carries weight. On the other hand in science authority and prestige carry little or no weight. Thus Einstein the super-duper scientist proposed that the universe is stationary. But years later Hubble provided evidence that the universe is expanding. Evidence carried the day and Einstein had to swallow his pride though Hubble is nowhere near Einstein in prestige. Einstein had to accept his mistake in the face of overwhelming evidence. But in the field of arts, culture, religion, politics, economics (such as in the case of communism) etc evidence carries little or no weight and things are often settled by uncivilized means such as by abuses and violence citing authorities such as scriptures, godmen, priests, books etc.

2. Anecdotal fallacy: We know about exit polls where a sample of the voters coming out of the polling booth are asked whom they had voted for and drawing conclusions therefrom. Now suppose I were to ask the first 3 voters coming from the booth who they had voted for and all 3 say that they had voted for the congress, can I draw a conclusion that Congress got 100% of the votes from just these 3 surveys? No! This is because this sample of just 3 voters is not representative of the electorate. To start with we have to ask a large number of voters to reach a reasonable conclusion. It is also possible that the 3 voters I interviewed belonged to the same family or to the same caste/religion or to the same sex or to the same occupation or income group or to the same age group etc. Drawing conclusions without taking into account such variables as above cannot be admitted as evidence, as such conclusions involve the fallacy of reasoning called anecdotal evidence or inference – inference drawn from non-representative samples.

Suppose I manufacture soap or tooth paste or computers it would be impossible to check thoroughly each and every item I manufacture. Instead I draw representative samples of my produce and check them. There are established methods for drawing such representative samples.
IS 4905 (1968): Methods for random sampling spells of the established Indian standards and procedures for drawing such representative samples whether it be for poll surveys or for drawing samples of of produce for quality control. But sad to say even educated people among us jump to conclusions without assessing a representative sample. Thus we had a gentleman on one of our fora boasting about the cure wrought by cow-urine or human urine on a relative of his who had cancer. It is obvious that even if his statement is true – which I doubt very much – the sample he had drawn was not representative at all. Instead it was anecdotal like interviewing just 3 voters to determine the outcome of a poll involving thousands of voters. Miracle cures, alternate therapies and superstitious practices, prayers etc resort to this fallacy called anecdotal fallacy to prove their points. It is in context of this fallacy called anecdotal fallacy that Francis Bacon said ““All superstition is much the same, whether it be that of astrology, dreams, omens, retributive judgment or the like, in all of which the deluded believers observe events which are fulfilled, but neglect and pass over their failure, though it be much more common.”

We enter into debates with others. But our brain is chattering all the time talking and reasoning to ourselves in what is called self-talk. The principles of defining things, providing evidence and evading fallacies such as appeal to authority and the anecdotal fallacy come into the picture even in such self-talk also, and it would be good for ourselves to analyze whether our self-talk is logical and can stand the scrutiny of an objective body such as a court of law.

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@Gr"@[email protected]@[email protected]":http://www.desidime.com/users/...14

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LEAD
The Surprising Power of Negative Thinking
Use your negative thinking to succeed, and value all aspects of your thinking.

BY LOLLY DASKAL

@LollyDaskal

I’m sure you have heard these things before, especially now in an age when positive psychology is so popular: Choose to be happy. Visualize your success and you will be successful. If you believe it, you can achieve it. They’re nice messages, and they’re everywhere.

But scientific evidence suggests that they may not actually be helpful when it comes to achieving our goals and being successful.

Instead, more than 20 years of research by New York University’s Gabriele Oettingen suggests that positive imagery can backfire on us. It can trick the mind into relaxing, making it harder for us to get our work done.

Often it’s negative thinkers who turn out to be the best motivators when it comes to getting things done. Here are some reasons why:

Negative thinkers are tuned in to the challenges ahead. Thinking about future obstacles helps you begin planning strategies to overcome them. When you’re telling yourself everything will work out, you aren’t planning. Negative thinkers have a competitive advantage in the face of difficulties.

Negative thinkers are two steps ahead of everyone. They think of solutions before the problem even appears. You cannot stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

Negative thinkers undermine complacency. When most people expect everything to go as planned, negative thinkers are making a list of all the things that can fail. They’re rarely caught off guard, and they always have a plan B.

Negative thinkers aren’t so much pessimists as hard-edged realists. They can see not only problems but also opportunities before they arise. They’re skilled at turning failure into lessons. They know how to cut through the bull and wishful thinking to see what’s actually happening in front of them.

So maybe the negative thinkers on your team have more value than you’ve been giving them credit for. Remember, every point of thinking has value.

Missing