Jiyo life full (Funny Ideas/view point)

CATHOLIC HORSES………….

A punter was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt.

He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse – a very long shot – won the race.

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.

The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.
He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next.

He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning.

The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and waited for the Priest’s blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on…
True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.
This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

The punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.
Confronting Him, he demanded, ‘Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a mile. Now, thanks to you I’ve lost every cent of my savings!’

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.
‘Son,’ he said, ’that’s the problem with you Protestants,
You can’t tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.

This is Mr Cake.

Five Doctors

Five doctors went duck hunting. In the group were a general practitioner (GP), a paediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

“I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said. And by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the paediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure and besides he thought it might have babies. “I‘ll have to do some more investigation,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity. “Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past, and this time the surgeon’s weapon went boom. The Surgeon turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said, “Go see if that was a duck, will you?”

^ Viveka can store the baby expression for a more appropriate moment

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

“The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?”

The doctor quickly responded, “£5,000 for a male brain, and£200 for a female brain…”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked..

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

“Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group,

“It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used.”

Aphorisms

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog . . . but only kindness will make him wag his tail.-

3. If you don’t have a sense of humour . . . you probably don’t have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining . . . as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . . when you’re in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark….to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important . . . because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions . . . you feel younger than everyone else looks.

9. Scratch a cat (or dog) . . .and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl) . . .who wants to buy a car

11. There are no new sins . . the old ones just get more publicity

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. . .like, it could be the right number.

13.No one ever says “It’s only a game” . . .when their team is winning.

14. I’ve reached the age where . . ‘happy hour’ is a nap.

Bindass Muskurao Kya Gam hai,

Zindagi me Tension Kisko Kam hai,

Achha ya Bura to Kewal Hamara Bhram hai,

Zindagi ka Naam hi Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum hai..!!

Khokar Paane Ka Maja hi Kuch aur Hai,

Rokar Muskurane Ka Maja hi Kuch aur Hai,

Haar to Zindagi Ka Hissa hai Mere DOST,

Harne Ke Baad Jeetne Ka Maja hi Kuch aur Hai…

Ron vs. Ron

https://i.imgur.com/gallery/s...l8

My friend is a hotel maid and found this today. It made her back-breaking day.

https://i.imgur.com/gallery/t...89

I design and make furniture that’s held together completely by tension… What do you think?

https://i.imgur.com/gallery...6G

Inspiring speech

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=5703461296…

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.