Teasing Answers (Bakwas Band Kar)
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One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.
“Could you taste this for me, please?”
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. It tasted unpleasant.
“Does that taste sweet to you?” says Paddy.
“No, not at all,” says the chemist, pulling a face.
“Oh that’s a relief,” says Paddy.
“The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”
Chemistry Test
It was time for the final, and the student depended upon getting at least one answer right on the chemistry test.
The question was “If H2O is water, what is H2O4?”
This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time.
Finally, he wrote down his answer: “For drinking, washing, and cleaning.”
4 Weddings and a Funeral Director
An 80-year-old lady was being interviewed by a local news station because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
When the interviewer began to ask her questions about her life, why she has decided to get remarried at 80, and for some information about her new husband.
elderly
“My husband is a funeral director”, she answered.
“That’s interesting”, the reporter replied.
The reporter was then curious about her previous three husbands and what their professions had been.
After a few minutes of reflection, the woman smiled and answered proudly.
She explained that in her 20’s she married a banker, in her 40’s a circus ringmaster, a preacher in her 60’s and now, in her 80’s, a funeral director.
The reporter was unsure how to process her answer and then asked why she married four men with such different lives and career choices.
The woman once again smiled and explained,
“I married the first for the money, the second for the show, the third to prepare myself, and the fourth to go.
So I can’t do my math homework cause my duck fell asleep on my calculator..
I got a call from BANK and the GIRL said sir if you invest 4000/- per month you will get 1 cr after your retirement.
My ans. :- Nice offer but make it reverse give me 1cr today and take 5000/- PM from me till my RETIREMENT.
She simply disconnected the call….
Maine kuchh galat bola ??
HEIGHT OF ATTITUDE:
A Lizard’s last words to a man who is about to kill him:
“Go ahead & kill me, u coward! U r jealous of me bcoz ur wife is afraid of me & NOT AFRAID OF YOU
I dialled a number and got the following recording:
“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes.”
~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time
You’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.
~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
~~~
How to de-stress
• You’ll feel better if u eat properly. Begin the day with a balanced breakfast. During the day eat when u r hungry; u need to be fuelled. Snack on nuts or fruit. Avoid stimulants like caffeine & sugar. Drink herbal tea instead. If u feel tired, drink plenty of water. Fatigue can be symptom of dehydration. Avoid eating a heavy, big lunch as that’ll make u feel sluggish in the afternoon.
• Take mini-breaks from your computer screen. Look out the window to stretch your eyes from detailed work. If u have no window, close your eyes and imagine a panoramic view. Rub your two hands together to generate heat and then place them gently over your eyes for 30 seconds
• If u feel distracted and can’t concentrate, be in the moment by focusing on your breath. Inhale two counts through the nose, exhale four counts through the nose. It helps to visualize a white fog on inhalation and a dark fog on exhalation. Repeat for 10 breaths.
• When u feel tense in your body, particularly in your lower back, just stretch. While sitting in your chair, plop your upper body down like a rag doll. Feel limp & relaxed. Breathe in & out. Stand up tall & perform an overhead palm press up. To prevent carpal tunnel syndrome rotate your wrists clockwise & then counter clockwise.
• During lunch, allocate some time to take a brisk walk outside in the fresh air and light; particularly important when the days are shorter to help u deal with seasonal affective disorder.
• Prioritise your work. Make a daily list & cross off the accomplishments. Learn to delegate tasks & be a team player
• Share, don’t hoard information. Ask for support when u need it & give support when others need it. Cultivate a support system.
• Keep a photo of your last vacation on your desk – to remind u to take a vacation!
• Always allow more time for a project than u anticipate. A deadline is just that – a dead line.
hbsoneji wrote:
How to de-stress
• You’ll feel better if u eat properly. Begin the day with a balanced breakfast. During the day eat when u r hungry; u need to be fuelled. Snack on nuts or fruit. Avoid stimulants like caffeine & sugar. Drink herbal tea instead. If u feel tired, drink plenty of water. Fatigue can be symptom of dehydration. Avoid eating a heavy, big lunch as that’ll make u feel sluggish in the afternoon.
• Take mini-breaks from your computer screen. Look out the window to stretch your eyes from detailed work. If u have no window, close your eyes and imagine a panoramic view. Rub your two hands together to generate heat and then place them gently over your eyes for 30 seconds
• If u feel distracted and can’t concentrate, be in the moment by focusing on your breath. Inhale two counts through the nose, exhale four counts through the nose. It helps to visualize a white fog on inhalation and a dark fog on exhalation. Repeat for 10 breaths.
• When u feel tense in your body, particularly in your lower back, just stretch. While sitting in your chair, plop your upper body down like a rag doll. Feel limp & relaxed. Breathe in & out. Stand up tall & perform an overhead palm press up. To prevent carpal tunnel syndrome rotate your wrists clockwise & then counter clockwise.
• During lunch, allocate some time to take a brisk walk outside in the fresh air and light; particularly important when the days are shorter to help u deal with seasonal affective disorder.
• Prioritise your work. Make a daily list & cross off the accomplishments. Learn to delegate tasks & be a team player
• Share, don’t hoard information. Ask for support when u need it & give support when others need it. Cultivate a support system.
• Keep a photo of your last vacation on your desk – to remind u to take a vacation!
• Always allow more time for a project than u anticipate. A deadline is just that – a dead line.
ll Wives Are Going To Like This
Husband Apni Saas Se Bat Karta Hai:
Apki Beti Mein To Hazaron Kamiyan Hain
Saas:
Haan Beta, Isi Vajah Se To Use Achcha Ladka Nahi Mila
Husband Shock
Saasu Maa Rocks..
A husband and wife went for a walk. While walking husband got hurt by a stone and started bleeding. He looked at his wife, hoping she would tear her dupatta and tie it on the wound.
Wife looked in his eyes and said: Sochna bhi mat…
Designer piece hai!!
A Russian visiting India went for an eye check up.
The Dr. shows the letters on the board…..
“ CZWXNQSTACZ “
Doctor – Can you read this ?
Russian – Read ???
I even know the guy…
sharma_ji wrote:
A Russian visiting India went for an eye check up.
The Dr. shows the letters on the board…..
“ CZWXNQSTACZ “
Doctor – Can you read this ?
Russian – Read ???
I even know the guy…
wonderwall
sharma_ji wrote:
A Russian visiting India went for an eye check up.
The Dr. shows the letters on the board…..
“ CZWXNQSTACZ “
Doctor – Can you read this ?
Russian – Read ???
I even know the guy…
wonderwall
 for Rs. at ){kind=link}
Golf anyone !!!
One day a golfer accidentally overturned his buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out,
“Are you okay, what’s your name?”
“It’s John, and I’m ok thanks,” he replied.
“John forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I’ll help you get the buggy up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” John answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”
“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty and persuasive.
“Well okay,” John finally agreed, and added, “but my wife won’t like it.”
After a restorative brandy, and some driving and putting lessons, John thanked his hostess.
“I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”
“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile , “she won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”
“Under the buggy!” he explained.