Teasing Answers (Bakwas Band Kar)

The Suitcase

A man died, when he realized it, he saw GOD coming closer with a suitcase in his hand.
- God said: Alright son its time to go.
- surprised the man responded: Now? So soon? I had a lot of plans…
- I’m sorry but its time to go.

- What do you have in that suitcase? the man asked.
- God answered: Your belongings.
- My belongings? you mean my things, my clothes, my money?
-God answered: Those things were not yours they belonged to the earth.

- Is it my memories? the man asked.
-God answered: those never belonged to you they belonged to Time

- Is it my talents?
-God answered: those were never yours they belonged to the circumstances.

- Is it my friends and family?
-God answered: I’m sorry they were never yours they belonged to the path.

- Is it my wife and son?
- God answered: They were never yours the belonged to your heart.

- Is it my body?
- God answered: that was never yours it belonged to the dust.

-Is it my soul?
God answered: No that is mine.

Full of fear, the man took the suitcase from god and opened it just to find out the suitcase was empty.
- With a tear coming down his cheek the man said: I never had anything???
-God answered: that is correct, every moment you lived were only yours. Life is just a moment. a moment that belongs to you. For this reason enjoy this time while you have it. Don’t let anything that you think you own stop you from doing so.
-Live Now
-Live your life
- Don’t forget to be happy, that is the only thing that matters.
- Material things and everything else that you fought for stay here.
h3. -YOU CAN’T TAKE ANYTHING

The technical term for a man who hates Women is MISOGYNIST. A Woman who hates Men is however just called a WIFE.

खबर है कि शीला दीक्षित चाची का रो-रो कर बुरा हाल है, उनका कहना है
कम्बख्तों, जब किसी ने भी सरकार नही बनानी थी, तो मुझे हटाया क्यों

अरविन्द केजरीवाल का नया नाम….
.
“शीला-जीत”….

Life, is very complicated. When you have standards, people call it ATTITUDE. When you are simple, people try to CHEAT you. But when you cheat others, people call you SMART!

Train me Santa ne T.C Se kaha : Mujhe subah 4 baje Ludhiana mein utha dena, agar main na jagu to zabardasti utaar dena. Muje subah interview dena hai."

Subah 8 baje Santa jaga to Ludhiana nikal gaya tha aur Gaadi ?? Amritsar pohach rahi thi.

Santa TC ko khub gaaliyaa dene laga..!

Logo ne TC se kaha ke wo apko itni gaaliyaan de raha hai aur aap chup-chap sun rahe hai.

TC :- Wahe guru ki kasam Main ye soch raha hun ki Subah 4 baje jis Sardar ko maine zabardasti utaar diya hai, Woh kitni gaaliyaan de raha hoga.?

Santa chemist ke pass gaya aur bola: bhai kuch
help chahiye
chemist: haan bolo?
aur santa ne Apni davai ki bottle me se ek chamach
chemist ko pila ke pucha:
meetha hai kya?
Chemist: nahi to, kyu kya hai ye.
.
.
Santa: bas yahi puchna tha, doctor ne kaha tha ki
chemist ke paas jakar
URINE Test karwa kar pata karo ki URINE me sugar
hai ke nahi.

The Sneeze

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said:
“I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?”

“I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.
“I have never heard of that condition before” he said.
“Are you taking anything for it?”

The woman nodded, “Pepper."

Boy:

Mere paas mere dost jaisi car nai hai magar tumhe apni palko par bitha k ghumaunga,
usske jaisa

bada ghar nai hai magar tumhe dil me rakhunga,
mere paas usske jitne paise b nai hai magar tumhe

mazdoori kar k khilaunga,
aur kya chaiye tumhe..?
..
..
..
..
..
..
Girl:
Bas kar pagle ab rulayega kya..

Chal apne uss dost ka number de.

AN EYE OPENER !!
TIME
YOUR MOST PRECIOUS RESOURCE

When the angel of death came to Joe Smith, to accompany him to his real home, Joe dismissively responded “I am not ready to die as I have so much left to do. Do you mind coming back later?”

The Angel replied, sorry your time is up and we must leave now.

Joe enquired, “don’t you know who I am? I am Joe Smith, one of the richest men in the world.

The Angel nodded “I know all about you as I do everyone else; now hurry along, Let’s go.”

Joe pleaded; “if I were to give you 10% of my fortune, which is over a billion dollars, will you turn a blind eye and return a year later?”

The Angel shook his head and replied, “you don’t seem to understand Joe. It is time to go”

For the next few moments, Joe tried his best to negotiate with the angel giving away more of his fortune for lesser time. He finally succumbed and offered “if I were to give you all my fortune, which is 10 billion dollars, will you give me 5 minutes so that I can call my wife and children and tell them that I love them? I have never told them this and it is very important to me that they know how I feel about them. I also need to seek forgiveness from 2 people that I have hurt the most. All I ask is 5 minutes!”

The Angel paused and looked at Joe curiously and asked, “how long did it take you to make your 10 billion dollars?”

Joe replied, “30 years my friend – it took me a whole 30 years – it’s a great deal in exchange for 5 minutes, take it – you will never have to work another day in your life. “

The Angel shook his head and said “I really do not understand you human beings! If you are willing to give up 30 years of your lives’ work for 5 minutes, then why did you not make the most of every minute while you had it? How did you value your time? Where were your priorities? Why did you not say or do the things that really mattered?”

The lights went off a second later, Joe was gone. His 10 billion dollars could not buy him the time to do what really mattered.

एक

पत्रकार महंगाई के बारे में

लोगों की राय ले रही थी।

सड़क के किनारे
एक भिखारी

से उसने पूछा : ’ बाबा ,

आटा मंहगा हो गया है ,

इस बारे में तुम क्या कहते

हो ?’

भिखारी बोला : ’

महंगा हो गया है ?
कब से

?’
वह खड़ा हो गया अभी

जाता हूं राशन वाले के पास

और लेता हूं उस
की खबर

।
अब तक तो मैं उसे पुराने

भाव पर ही आटा बेच रहा

था।

maine

poocha

chand se ki

dekha hai

kahin, mere

yaar sa

haseen!!

Chand ne

kaha-

Dekho..,
pehli

baat to yeh

ki mein tere

baap ka

naukar nahi

hu.

Dusri

baat yeh ki

itni upar se

Kuch dikhai

nahi deta..

Aur  teesri

baat yeh ki

yeh

nautanki

tum log

zameen 🌍 tak

hi rakho,
mere ko isme

involve mat

karo


TV

Anchor

Charwahe

se:
Aap Bakre

ko kya

khilate

hain?

Charwaha:

Kale ko ya

Safaid ko?

Anchor:

Safaid ko

Charwaha:

Ghass

Anchor: Aur

Kale ko?

Charwaha:

Use bhi Ghass

Anchor:

Inhain

bandhte

kidher ho?

Charwaha:

Kise Kale ko

ya Safaid ko?

Anchor:

Safaid ko

Charwaha:

Bahar ke

kamre mein

Anchor: Aur

Kale ko?

Charwaha:

Use bhi

bahar ke

kamre mein

Anchor: Aur

nehlate

kaise ho?

Charwaha:

Kise Kale ko

ya Safaid ko?

Anchor:

Kale ko

Charwaha:

Pani se

Anchor: Aur

Safaid ko?

Charwaha:

Use bhi pani

se

Anchor

Ghusse se:
Manhos admi

jab dono ke

saath ek

jaisa karta

hai tou

mujhse bar

bar puchta

kyu hai Kala

ya Safaid…

Charwaha:

Kyu ke

Safaid bakra

mera hai

Anchor: Aur

kala?

Charwaha:

Woh bhi

mera hai…

मत ढूंढों मुझे इस दुनिया की तन्हाई में…
ठण्ड बहुत है मैं यही हूँ..अपनी रजाई में…

जिसको भी देखा रोता हुआ पाया
मोहब्बत तो मुझे किसी फकीर की बद्दुआ लगती है !!!

A man died. In his will, he asked for an elaborate funeral and his will allocated $100,000 dollars to cover its expenses.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Nancy turned to her oldest and dearest friend.

“Ah well, Bill would be pleased,” she said.

“You’re right,” replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

“So go on, how much did this really cost?’”

“Aw No!” Mary exclaimed, “I mean, it was very grand, but $100,000?!!”

Nancy answered, “The funeral was $12,000. I donated $1,500 to church. The whisky, wine and snacks were another $1,500… and the rest went for the Memorial Stone.”

Mary computed quickly.

“For the love of God Nancy, $85,000 for a Memorial Stone? HOW BIG IS IT?”

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

There was a young man who went overseas to study for quite some time. When he returned, he asked his parents to find him a religious scholar or any expert who could answer his 3 questions. Finally, his parents were able to find a Mulsim scholar.

Young man: Who are you? Can you answer my questions?

Scholar: I am one of Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala )’s slaves and inshaAllah (God willing), I will be able to answer your questions.

Young man: Are you sure? A lot of Professors and experts were not able to answer my questions.

Scholar: I will try my best, with the help of Allah(SubHana Wa Ta`ala ).

Young man:I have 3 questions:

1. Does God exist? If so, show me His shape.
2. What is takdir (fate)?
3. If shaitan (Devil) was created from the fire, why at the end will he be thrown into hell that was also created from fire. It certainly will not hurt him at all, since Shaitan (Devil) and the hell were created from fire. Did God not think of it this far?

Suddenly, the Scholar slapped the young man’s face very hard.

Young man (feeling pain): Why do you get angry at me?

Scholar: I am not angry. The slap is my answer to your three questions.

Young man: I really don’t understand.

Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?

Young man: Of course, I felt the pain.

Scholar: So do you believe that pain exists?

Young man: Yes.

Scholar: Show me the shape of the pain!

Young man: I cannot.

Scholar: That is my first answer. All of us feel God’s existence without being able to see His shape.

Scholar: Last night, did you dream that you will be slapped by me?

Young man: No.

Scholar: Did you ever think that you will get a slap from me, today?

Young man: No.

Scholar: That is takdir (fate).

Scholar: My hand that I used to slap you, what is it created from?

Young man: It is created from skin.

Scholar: How about your face, what is it created from?

Young man: Skin.

Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?

Young man: In pain.

Scholar: Even though Shaitan (Devil) and also the hell were created from the fire, if Allah wants, inshAllah (God willing) the hell will become a very painful place for Shaitan (Devil).

Never hurt a samosa, kachori or vada by saying -‘NO’

They too have fillings inside 

अगर तुम उसे न पा सको जिससे तुम प्यार करते हो तो;
शर्म करो;
और
.
. .
. .
“लाओ नंबर मुझे दो, मैं कोशिश करता हूँ।”