Teasing Answers (Bakwas Band Kar)
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IRREFUTABLE PROOF
Irrefutable proof that a good woman can bring
balance and stability to your life.
The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all directions"
Why did Sachin Tendulkar join Congress ??
B’coz
He thought Congress is similar to Mumbai Indians.
Captained by a Sardar & ordered by a WOMAN !!
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@
Why did Sachin Tendulkar join Congress ??
B’coz
He thought Congress is similar to Mumbai Indians.
Captained by a Sardar & ordered by a WOMAN !!
hahahahahaa vry nyc bro:lol: 
pl. take it as a joke only
Gujjus & Marwaris
5 gujjus and 5 Marwaris are travelling by rail from Pune to Mumbai. They gather at Pune Railway Station. Both groups desperately try to prove their superiority.- SCENE 1 (PUNE-MUMBAI)*:
-—————————————————-
5 gujjus buy only 1 ticket, and 5 marwarris buy 5 tickets.
5 gujjus and 5 Marwaris are travelling by rail from Pune to Mumbai. They gather at Pune Railway Station.
- SCENE 1 (PUNE-MUMBAI)*:
-—————————————————-
5 gujjus buy only 1 ticket, and 5 marwarris buy 5 tickets.
- SCENE 3 (LONAVALA)*:
-——————————————
Now, both the groups are at LONAVALA Railway Station.marwarris’ are planning their move for a last chance, … they board the local train to Pune.
News Flash from the English coastal area
The British Navy intercepted three boatloads of people off the coast of Kent today.
This placed the Navy in an awkward position, as the boats were not heading to, but away from Kent towards France.
Another surprise finding was that they were loaded with British people who were all seniors of pension age.
Their claim was that they were trying to get to Calais so as to be able to return to the UK as illegal immigrants and therefore be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate UK pensioners.
The Navy, it is believed, gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.
We are booking the next boat out; let me know if you want to come.
Humour with words
1. What is the difference between Einstein and Karunanidhi?
Einstein said that everything is relative wheras Karunanidhi says that relative is everything
2. Why is Bangla Desh not sending a contingent to Olympics?
Because anyone who can run, jump or swim, has already crossed the border of the country
3. Why did UPA Government demonetise 25 paise coins?
They could not manage one Anna, how could they manage four annas?
4. 100 phones tapped each day per operator.
Finally here is a government that listens to people.
5. Vote for Baba Ramdev.
He’ll be the PM who can help you make your ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.
6. Mayawati, Jayalalitha & Mamata should now form an alliance.
They can call it Behenji-Amma-Didi. Or BAD, for short.
7. Some days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense.
Other days, he is silent.
8. Why people consider alcohol to be a problem.
Chemically speaking, it’s a solution.
9. Title of a documentary on Air India’s planes – “Saare Zameen Par”.
NOW DADA IS THE FIRST PERSON OF INDIA.
\ MEDICARE ////
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,
“Hello.”
“Mrs. Sanders, please.”
“Speaking.”
“Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well… We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.
Frankly, either way the results are not too good.”
“What do you mean?” Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
“Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.”
“That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?” questioned Mrs.Sanders.
“Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
“The MEDICARE Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town and wish he could not way at his own.”
/// An amazing sentence in English \\\\\
- Remarkable indeed!*
The person who made this sentence must be a vocabulary GENIUS.
“I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting;
Nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing
Indecipherability transcendentalises intercommunication’s incomprehensibleness."
This is a sentence where the first word is one letter long,
The second is a word of two letters;
The third word is three letters long ..
The 8th word is 8 letters long and so on …
With the 20th word being 20 letters long !!!
- The Blonde Pilot.. *
This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. Frantic, she calls out a May Day.
“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead … And I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
“This is Air Traffic Control and I hear you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind
of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position …”
“I’m 5’4” and I’m in the front seat …”
“Okay”, says the voice on the radio …
“Repeat after me: Our Father … Who art in Heaven … …”
It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
- birthdays
- anniversaries
- arrangements she makes… etc.
Good God!
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Leave him alone!
THE END!!!
Miscommunication will end when
English, other languages coalesce
Circa 2512 will there still be as many major languages and countless smaller ones or will everyone communicate and converse – not always synonymous activities – in a blended, universal lingua franca?
If the latter is what we are headed for, Indians should not be disheartened by this week’s revelation that over half of 55,000 engineers tested for proficiency in English, currently regarded as the language of science and commerce, are not conversant with common words used in the workplace and 25% did not even have school-level fluency.
Our engineers, after all, should not be the only ones named and shamed for their inarticulation; there is plenty of evidence that scarcely a category or profession in India does not fall short of its presumed fluency in English.
In their defence, however, it could be said that as long as they continue to understand each other in English dialects such as Officialish, Bizlish, Techlish, Legalish, Medlish, Socialish and Journolish, not to mention Hinglish, Benglish, Punjlish, Tamlish and more, it does not really matter what the purists think.
It does take a while for speakers of one dialect to talk to those using others, but they manage to do so eventually. At least they are better off talking in variants of English than if they had to parley in, say, Mandarin.
Besides, from Amlish to Ozlish, English spoken abroad has so many regional variations that it may be deemed a family of languages instead of a single ‘real’ one.
Incomprehension and grammatical errors are rife among those ‘native’ speakers too, which makes our engineers’ language and communication travails part of an international phenomenon. Other languages have the same problem. The speedy evolution of a lingua franca, perhaps called Worldlish, is therefore crucial.
Gunslinger
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying:
“Hey old man, can you dance?”
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said:
“No son, I don’t dance… never really wanted to.”
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said:
“Well, you old fool, you’re gonna dance now!” and started shooting at the old man’s feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barrelled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, as he quietly said:
“Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”
*The gunslinger swallowed hard, said:
“No sir… but…but I’ve always wanted to.”
There are a few lessons for all of us here:*
**Don’t be arrogant.
*Don’t waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, don’t screw around with old folks; they didn’t get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don’t you?
*:-P
My Teacher pointed at me with a Ruler & said:
“At the End of this Ruler is an Idiot” I still don’t get why I got rusticated.
I only asked him, “Which End Sir?”
Announcement in University:
“The students who have parked their cars on the driveway, please move them”
Another announcement after 20 minutes:
“The 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes.”
Ugly Truth:
In Bed,
It’s 6AM,
You Close Your Eyes for 5 mins…
…& it’s 7:45
But in Office,
It’s 9:30am
You Close Your Eyes for 5 mins…
& It’s Still 9:31
1 stone is enough to break a glass.
1 sentence is enough to break a heart.
1 sec is enough to fall in love.
But y d hell 1 chapter is not enough to pass in exam…???
A boy’s eye is
Faster than Google in searching a
Beautiful girl in crowd…
:
But
….
A boy’s heart is slower than
Governments bus while
Proposing a Girl whom he truly
Loves.
Two Christian missionaries, David and Michael, were lost in a scorching desert,
dying of thirst and hunger when they saw a mosque up front.
David said: “Michael, let’s pretend we are Muslims. Otherwise, we will not get any food or
water and we will die. My name will be Ahmed. What will be your name?”
Michael refused to change his name.
When both of them reached the mosque, the Imam received them well and asked their names.
David: “My name is Ahmed.”
Michael: “My name is Michael.”
The Imam turned to his helpers and said: “Please bring food and water for Michael.”
Then he turned to David and said: “Brother Ahmed, Ramadan Mubarak."
The first 2012 Olympics Joke
It’s 2012 and it’s the Olympics in London.
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven’t got tickets.
The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate."
McTavish, Scotland," he says, “Discus” and in he walks.
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder."
Waddington-Smythe, England “he says, “Pole vault” and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
“O’Malley, Ireland “he says, “Fencing.”
please read……………………
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an airplane. If u drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Employee : That’s easy, 49.
Boss
: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss
: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss
: It’s lion’s birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss
: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion’s birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er….I guess she drowned….err….
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the airplane.
That’s the problem, you are not focused on your job….You may leave now!!!
Moral: Jitna marzi prepare karlo.. Agar boss ne thaanli hai bajane ki to bajake hi rahega
At the Zoo
A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’
The Harley rider replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.’
The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?’
The biker replies, “I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.”
The journalist leaves.
*The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”
… And THAT pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days.*
Pregnant Blonde
A blonde is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along.
She goes to see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried.
She asks:
“What if baby starts coming and I can’t get to hospital in time.”
The doctor replies:
“Well, woman have been having babies for a million years without an attendance by doctors.
It’s a very natural process.
The first thing you do is to assume the same position you were laying in when you got pregnant.”
The blonde interrupts with:
“Do you mean with the left foot in the glove compartment and the right foot hanging out the window?”
SAY YOUR PRAYERS ONLY IN ENGLISH
In case of an emergency, speak only in English !!
Never say prayers in any other language!
U never know what kind of translation problem u can run into 
An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance.
Being religious, he kept repeating – Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.
When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics:
‘Why didn’t you take him straight to the hospital?’
They replied "Because he kept saying,
‘Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!’
Tax Returns
Yesterday I got my Tax Return “Returned”
I was trying to get a jump on doing my taxes this year and sent in my return very early.
However, HMRC (UK Tax office) sent it back…
I guess it was because of my response to the line, which said:
“List All Dependents”
I listed:-
150,000 illegal immigrants,
100,000 crack heads
2,000,000 unemployable people living on welfare
200,000 people in prisons
And
600 fools in Parliament.
Apparently, this was NOT acceptable.
So I sent it back with the question,
Did I forget someone?
Americans do it wrong – say the Brits. . . .
Never before such a true word has been spoken
The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle…
The war-weary Marine asked, ’Ma’am, may I have that seat?’
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular ‘Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.’
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
‘Please, Ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.
She snorted, ‘not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!’
This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, ’someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
’Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.
Who is the luckiest husband in this Universe?
G. Aravindan (Husband of Kanimozhi)
WHY?
214 Crores in the Bank….. and Wife in Jail…!!!
Old Cicero’s philosophy
Rome’s (of the Roman Empire) Cicero’s (106 – 43 BC) philosophy is still valid even today, for any country of our globe:
1. The poor: work and work,
2. The rich: exploit the poor,
3. The soldier: protects both,
4. The taxpayer: pays for all three,
5. The wanderer: rests for all four,
6. The drunk: drinks for all five,
7. The banker: robs all six,
8. The lawyer: misleads all seven,
9. The doctor: kills all eight,
10. The undertaker: buries all nine,
11. The Politician: lives happily on the account of all ten.
Not far from the truth even today !!
Football joke
Two 80 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Sundays together for so many years.
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s football there.”
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike, Mike.”
“Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”
“Mike it’s me, Joe.”
“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice."
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In heaven”, replies Joe… “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.
“The good news,” Joe says," is that there’s football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again.
Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
*That’s fantastic," says Mike. "It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?
“You’re in the team for this Saturday.”*
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@
25 most commonly misspelled words
Well now I know as I only got 56% correct !!
Can our brain boxes out there do any better ???
Click here:
http://www.businesswriting.com/tests/commonmiss...
Thank you very much for this great share.
Great test 
Three women die together in an accident and
go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We! only have
one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!’
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are
ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to
step on a duck, and although they try their best to
avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your
punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend
eternity chained to this ugly man!’
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps
on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t
miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment
as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not
wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man,
is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on
any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, ‘I wonder what I did to
deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’
*
The guy says, ‘I don’t know about you, but I stepped
on a duck!’*
Children writing about the ocean
The next time you take an oceanography course, you will be totally prepared.
1) – This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
2) – Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) – If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
4) – Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) – A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6) – My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) – When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) – Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) – I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) – Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
11) – When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) – Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) – On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) – The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) – My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
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Managed to pull through
I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had.
