Teasing Answers (Bakwas Band Kar)

The pefect comeback,
story quoted

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching someone sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours -
Green, red, orange & blue – and my dad kept staring at her.

The teen would look over and find my dad staring, every time.

When she’d finally had enough, she sarcastically asked:

“What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so I wouldn’t choke on his response – I knew he’d have a good one!

*In classic style, he responded without batting an eyelid:
*

“Got drunk once and had relations with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter.”

Breath-taking photo of the Milky Way from Mars

*British humour *

Absolutely politically incorrect and hilarious

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque…
They’ve told the public not to panic as they’ve managed to push it inside.

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During last night’s high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said “We didn’t even know they were living up there”.
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Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind,
so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, “what’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”
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A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates…

He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

“Are you Mohammed?” he asks.

“No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.”
And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides,
climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.

He asks again, “Are you Mohammed?”

“No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.”

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and,
yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.

Full of hope, he asks again, “Are you Mohammed?”

“No, I am Jesus… You will find Mohammed higher up.”

Mohammed higher than Jesus!

The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.

Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:

*"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.

“No my son…..I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?”

“Yes, please, my Lord.”

God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:

“Hey Mohammed, two coffees !!!!”*

Psychopath Test

Read this question, come up with an answer and then click Show Answer for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know.
She thought this guy was amazing and wonderful.
She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him immediately.
But, she never asked for his phone number and could not find him later.
A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?
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[Give this some thought before you answer]
Answer:
She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was a test designed by a famous American Psychologist used to test if a person has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took this test and answered the question correctly.
If you didn’t answer the question correctly, good for you.

If you answered correctly , please let me know so I can take you off my e-mail list…..

‘Trust us. We are taking as strong steps against terrorism as you are taking against corruption.’

Cherokee People

Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then shared with them this fun fact: “There are no swear words in the Cherokee language.”

One boy raised his hand, “But what if you’re hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?”

“That,” the man answered, “is when we use your language.”

How the internet started..

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”

And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or ebay as it came to be known. He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.” “YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

*Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that’s the truth.*

DARK IN HERE

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at
work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly,
sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her
lover in the cupboard, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a football.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$750”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the
lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have football boots.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy – “$2250”
Man – “Sold.”

A few days later, the boys’ father says to the boy, "Grab your
boots and football; let’s go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, “I can’t; I sold my ball and boots.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy – “$3000”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends
like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going
to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in
the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again. You’re in my cupboard now”.!!!!!