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Alpha.Barood
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99% people are driven by emotions, instincts & don’t want to hear the truth !
Is Your Boss Pushing You to Your Limit? It’s Because He Cares
Bobby Campbell
Helping someone truly transform takes a huge amount of effort from a teacher. Because of this, truly great teachers are unwilling to teach everyone, because you can’t hope to reach everyone. Not everyone has the work ethic and hunger to deserve that type of effort and hard work. It takes an enormous amount of energy and personal sacrifice for a good leader to help someone transform themselves into something new.
I always tell people when they have a boss pushing them or hounding them to not worry — that boss probably cares about you improving and progressing. You should start worrying when your boss stops. When someone stops putting an effort into your progress, they may have given up on you.
I’ve seen this happen both ways while running my company. I’ve helped people transform who didn’t have the will out of necessity, and I’ve helped people who did have the will and wanted it more than anything. It’s a demanding process. In both cases, I think the individuals resented me to varying degrees, and that was okay. I wasn’t in it for them to thank me. I was in it to create an end product. While they may have not have completely understood at first why I was doing what I was doing, in most cases, I believe they came to an appreciation of how I was helping them.
To me, there is nothing more extraordinary than a human being changed at his or her core. Most people go through life and never change fundamentally. They don’t change — because it’s hard. Ninety-nine percent of people are driven by emotions, instincts, desires, lusts and hungers. An individual who wants to change must rise above, recognize himself or herself for who they are, make a conscious decision in every moment to face these things and choose to be different.
Making a choice to be different in every moment is the great challenge that anyone who has risen to the top of their field or had great success must recognize and conquer.
Here are five things a great boss who cares will do that you might resent him or her for:
1. A good leader will demand excellence.
For too many, mediocrity is okay. Most bosses or leaders will sell you short. They will say that’s as good as they can do, because they don’t care enough to demand your best. It’s just easier to except you as you are. The boss who demands more of you is the boss who is doing you a favor. He’s the boss who sees your potential and is willing to put the energy into you, to see you evolve.
2. A good leader will push you to the edge.
A great boss or leader will push you to the breaking point. You might think they are pushing you too far. However, if they really care about you and believe in you, they will push you past where you think you can be — but not so far that you break. A great leader knows that it’s at the edges where real progress is made. When you have gone further than you thought you could and get close to your breaking point, that’s where greatness is discovered.
Related: How Successful People Overcome Toxic Bosses
3. A good leader will tell you the truth.
Most people don’t want to hear the truth. They are just fine where they are. They do not want to disrupt the status quo. People often ask me for advice on business. Most of the time, I decline. The reason is that most people don’t want to hear the truth. Most people just want you to reassure them that what they are doing is good. The truth does not always reassure. Sometimes it can hit you hard, like a punch to the face. But the boss who is honest with you is the boss who will make you better.
4. A good leader will yell at you.
Sometimes leaders are tough — even jerks — but it’s always for a valid reason. Do not sell yourself short by being lazy and not appreciating what they are trying to do for you. Sometimes to get your attention, a boss may yell. If that’s what it takes to get you back on track, so be it. Would you rather they say something important in a way that is nice but doesn’t get your attention — and then you miss it?
5. A good leader will compliment you only when you deserve it.
A good boss is not there to hand out participation trophies. They want you to learn what it means to accomplish something and receive legitimate praise based on an actual accomplishment. It’s a great feeling and way different than an empty pat on the back. If they praise you for something undeserving, they will gradually lose your respect. It’s important in the process to not only to be fair with criticisms and challenges but also be fair with praise. A boss is there to measure your progress. The feedback they give will help you gauge progress and build confidence.
The next time your boss is pushing you hard and you don’t understand why, just remember — they might be trying to take you to a place you didn’t think you were capable of reaching.
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Goals – we have a love-hate relationship with goals. We love them because they are such a great idea and are a superb way to motivate us to achieve and then to evaluate our progress; but we hate them, because for much of the time, they go unattained and simply frustrate us. This isn’t what goals should do!
Having been a Life Coach for many years now I would like to suggest some straightforward and practical techniques on how you can set goals you can achieve! After all, what good is a goal if it isn’t something you can achieve?
• Life Coaching tip no 1 – You have to want it!
Firstly – do not bother to set goals for things you don’t really want. For example: if your partner says they want you to lose weight but you do not want to, why even bother setting this as a goal. If your goal(s) are not something you personally want to accomplish, and they are not relevant to you, you are unlikely to succeed – because deep down you don’t really want to.
State your goals in a positive way – a goal should always be something you want to have, or change. Not things you or someone else think you should.
The Guide to Stress Management
Always ask yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being totally committed and 1 being zero commitment. How committed are you to reaching your goal? If it is less than 8, you might want to reconsider the goal.
• Life Coaching tip no 2 – Focus
Start small. Pick two or three areas that you want to work on. Too many people say to themselves, “I want to do this, and this, and this, and this……” and they end up achieving nothing! Most of what you do throughout your day can be done without a lot of mental effort, but change isn’t one of them. So try to keep your focus down to a couple of things. This way you can get success in your identified areas. Here are some aspects of your life you might like to think about: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual, Financial, and Relationships. Now, which is the first thing on your list? The others can follow later, but for now, you should focus on two or three, no more.
• Life Coaching tip no 3 – Goals – the long and the short
So you want to lose 50 pounds? Good. Long-term you will. But for now, think short-term. Don’t think about losing 50 pounds by February. Think about losing 10 pounds by October 1st.
This does two things. First, it makes it pressing and urgent. Instead of saying, “I still have 6 months to lose the 50 pounds” (6 months quickly disappears into 2 months, into one month – with the 50 pounds still securely in place!) your first goal is only a few weeks away, so you have to get started. This is far more successful in terms of reaching your goal. Secondly, as you reach these smaller goals (your mini-milestones!), you achieve a success, which gives you regular motivation and encouragement to keep going.
Shielding myself From Negativity
• Life Coaching tip no 4 – Make it manageable
Instead of saying, “I am going to quit my 20 smoking a day habit straight off” change this to: “I am going to smoke no more than 15 a day for a week, then 10 the next week and so on.” Give yourself small victories a little at a time. It is far easier to accomplish many smaller goals that make up a large goal – rather than trying for the large goal straight off!
• Life Coaching tip no 5 – Reward yourself along the way
When you lose the 10 pounds by October 1st, go and order yourself large mocha with cream from Costa’s (just the one though!), then get back to your goal for November 1st. This puts a little fun back into the process of self-control and self-discipline. You will look forward to and enjoy the reward and when the going gets tough, you will say things like, “two weeks to go, and only two more pounds to lose” etc – I can do it, then I can enjoy my mocha guilt free!
How can I Overcome Fear?
• Life Coaching tip no 6 – Be specific with your timeline
Don’t just say, “I am going to lose 10 pounds.” Say, “I am going to lose 10 pounds by December 1st.” This way, when you start being tempted into Thornton’s Chocolates in the middle of November – under the guise of buying early Christmas presents for other people, you can say, “No way, only 5 more pounds to go in three weeks and I am not going to blow it now.”
• Life Coaching tip no 7 – Post it where you can see it
Keep your goal in the front of your mind at all times. Instead of allowing yourself to ‘forget’ that you are trying to lose weight by ordering a big slice of cheesecake, your visual reminder will help you to choose something a little on the lighter side but at the same time keeping on track – having your cake and eating it! This will help you beat your desire and stay focused.
Analytical Thinking for my thoughts
Post your goal anywhere you will see it regularly, like maybe the fridge or a mirror, on your wardrobe door – you know where is best, you must be able to see it regularly throughout the day.
• Life Coaching tip no 8 – Encourage, respect, and accountability
Explain to a friend or family member what your goal is, including the timeframe, so they can help you with it. This person should regularly ask you, how you are doing etc? They should hold you accountable, but at the same time keep you motivated and encouraged. Obviously they must be the encouraging type! (If not, ask someone else who is) If you are blowing it, they can tell you so, but at the same time gee you up and say things like “Well, that’s okay, it’s done now, don’t sweat it, just get back to it tomorrow." If you are doing well, they can say, "excellent, well done etc” and make you feel great.
Begin the Leadership Journey Here
• Life Coaching tip no 9 – Write (and then reap) the benefits
If you are trying to lose weight your benefits might look something like this: Feel better, better self-esteem, longer life, clothes are more comfortable, a bigger choice of clothes shops to shop it, your husband says you look 25 again and so on. For quitting smoking, it may look like this: Fresher breath, no more brown fingers, less wrinkles on my face, no more red eyes, no more smelly clothes, longer life, and the wife won’t make me spend two hours a day on the back porch in the pouring rain anymore! By making a list you will be able to you see what you will benefit from accomplishing your goal.
Again it is a good idea once you have thought of these benefits to write them down with your goal (On the fridge, mirror etc) so that when you review your goal everyday, you’ll also see the benefits to achieving it.
6 Techniques to Develop Empathic Skills
• Life Coaching tip no 10 – You have succeeded – reward yourself!
This can be anything – large or small. If you dropped the fifty pounds, really treat yourself, plan to go out and buy yourself that size 12 dress you have always longed for – and then wear it with pride.
Make a deal with a partner or friend that if you reach your goal they will take you out for a meal or and spoil you.
Whatever it is you plan, make it personal, enjoyable and desirable to you, so you will look forward to it.
Do not miss this part out – it is one of the most important bits. It will help to keep you motivated when you’re struggling and give you something enjoyable to aim for.
Make sure you reward yourself for all your hard work!
Remember folks – goals aren’t just for footballers! They are for us real people too!
7 Super Qualities I Must Possess
About The Author: Rich is a full-time freelance Life Coach from the UK.
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8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid
Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn’t so. Personally, I’ve had moments where I’ll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I’ll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.
Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.
Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our ‘issues,’ some ‘issues’ are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.
Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them.
1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulationtactics. As a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your ‘buttons’ are, and push them to get what they want.
Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don’t necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.
2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them “It isn’t always about you.”
Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.
3. Debbie Downers: These people can’t appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they’ll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.
Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.
4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people’s unique perspectives refreshing, they find them ‘wrong’. If you like someone’s eclectic taste, they find it ‘disturbing’ or ‘bad’.
Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.
5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can’t do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.
Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.
6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a ‘there, there’ type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.
Why they are toxic: People who aren’t sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won’t be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.
7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.
Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don’t respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.
8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.
Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.
All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don’t see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.
Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?
@asoka @Tejaa @mahidada @Smarty
@Bulwark @cybertechie
@rajdesidime
@touchmenot @Magus
@mahidada @Gr@h@m@lkene™
@JonSnow @BUTTERFLYBOY
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@B@R_0_0_D wrote:
8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid
Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn’t so. Personally, I’ve had moments where I’ll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I’ll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.
Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.
Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our ‘issues,’ some ‘issues’ are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.
Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them.
1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulationtactics. As a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your ‘buttons’ are, and push them to get what they want.
Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don’t necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.
2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them “It isn’t always about you.”
Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.
3. Debbie Downers: These people can’t appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they’ll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.
Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.
4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people’s unique perspectives refreshing, they find them ‘wrong’. If you like someone’s eclectic taste, they find it ‘disturbing’ or ‘bad’.
Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.
5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can’t do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.
Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.
6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a ‘there, there’ type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.
Why they are toxic: People who aren’t sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won’t be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.
7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.
Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don’t respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.
8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.
Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.
All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don’t see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.
Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?
-——
@asoka @Tejaa @mahidada @Smarty
@Bulwark @cybertechie
@rajdesidime
@touchmenot @Magus
@mahidada @Gr@h@m@lkene™
@JonSnow @BUTTERFLYBOY
@Born Legend @sukhichd710
ya sure dealseekar personality is missed here he is one of a kind personality 
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What a lovely message.
From Tyler Perry
I have this tree analogy when I think of people in my life, be it friends, family, acquaintances, employees, co-workers, whomever…
They are all placed inside what I call my tree test.
It goes like this:
LEAF PEOPLE
Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can’t depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can’t be angry at them, it’s just who they are.
BRANCH PEOPLE
There are some people who come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it’s possible that you could lose them.
Most times they break away when it’s tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, you have to test them out before you run out there and put all your weight on them. In most cases they can’t handle too much weight. But again, you can’t be mad with them, it’s just who they are.
ROOT PEOPLE
If you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don’t let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.
Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, but few roots, so are human beings too!!
Look at our own life. How many leaves, branches and roots do we have?
What are we in other people’s lives?
THANK GOD FOR THE ROOTS and may we BE A ROOT TO MANY!!
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/99-people-are-driven-by-emotions-instincts-don-t-want-to-hear-the-truth?page=3#post_3420410
Listen to your heart, start recognizing when something isn’t good for you and be strong enough to let it go. A person can only waste the time you give them an opportunity to waste. Stop trying to open doors for people who constantly shut you out. Make sure the interest is shown in the effort, the talk is supported by the actions, and the trust is earned through the consistency. ~ Robert Hill, Sr.
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/99-people-are-driven-by-emotions-instincts-don-t-want-to-hear-the-truth?page=3#post_3428885
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/99-people-are-driven-by-emotions-instincts-don-t-want-to-hear-the-truth?page=3#post_3432048
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