1 of d best…

Sonia Gandhi with the Queen of England.

Sonia – “Your Majesty, now that I am also a Queen… any tips you can give to me to stay in power?”

“Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.”

Sonia frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me
are intelligent?”

The Queen :"easy; you just ask them to
answer an intelligent riddle.

“The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “David cameron , would you come in
here, please ?”

David Cameron walked into the room and said, “Yes, mam?”

The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, David, your mother
and father have a child.
It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, “That would be me, ma’am.”
" Very good ! Thank you , David !" said the Queen.

Then she turned to Sonia with a smile and said “See?”.

Now its Sonia’s turn to apply same logic…. 

Sonia went back to India and called Manmohan Singh and asked…

“Manmohanji, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” said Manmohan. “Let me get back to you on that one…”

Manmohan went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give
him an answer…

Finally, he ran into Narendra Modi and asked, “Narendrabhai, can you
answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”..

Narendra Modi answered, “That’s easy, it’s me!”..

Manmohan said, “Thanks!”

Then, he phoned Sonia. "Madam, I did some
thinking and I have the answer to that riddle.
It’s Narendra Modi…😎

Sonia slapped him….

and shouted..
“No! You idiot! It’s David Cameron!”

1 sindhi akhrot bech raha tha

sardaar ne pocha ye khane se kya hota he

Sindhi.::: dimagh tez hota he

sardaar : kese?

Sindhi: Acha ye btao 1 kilo chaawel me kitny danay hoty he

sardaar:: pata nahi

Sindhi ne usko akhrot khilaya’ or bola,; btao 1darzan me kitne kele hote he

sardaar: 12
Sindhi: dekha dimagh tez howa
sardaar ; 1 kilo de do

In a New York sidewalk, an Indian is enjoying a hearty breakfast “Coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc”

While an American, chewing a gum, sat next to him and started an unwanted conversation.

American: You Indians eat the whole bread?

Indian: Ofcourse!

American: (Blowing bubbles with his gum) we don’t. We, Americans only eat what’s inside. The crust we collect in a container, recycle, make these into croissants and sell these to India.

American: Do you eat jam with bread?

Indian: Ofcourse!

American: (Chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth)

We don’t.

Americans eat fruits at breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and leftovers into containers, turn these into jam and sell it to India.

Indian: Do you have sex in America?

American: Ofcourse, we do!

Indian: What do you do with the condoms?

American: We throw them, of course!

Indian: We don’t. In India, we put them into containers, recycle them, turn them into chewing gums and sell it to America!

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?"

One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand.

MAN MAUN SINGH

A journalist, who was fed up with the economic announcements, decided for a change to ask views of PM Manmohan Singh on sports.

He asked “Dear PM, which games do you like”.

PM replied “Cricket when played in India”.

Journalist further probed, which part of Cricket you like, I mean batting or bowling ?

Our great economist PM replied “No, No, I like the toss at the beginning of the match in India”.

Journalist was amused and asked “Why, only toss Sir”.

Manmohan smiled for the first time and told:“

Because it is the only time when I see our Rupee going up !”.

Onion Bhaji-
Indian

There was a time when people cried only while chopping onions.

Now they cry even while buying onions

Thappad se darr nahi lagta hai sahab, PYAAZ ke bhav se lagta hai…

Friend Bought 3Kg onions. He’s the new hero of my society. Also updated Facebook status and tagged 349 friends

The Lays Cream n Onion flavor is gonna be just cream

Now I know that she is really crying because she can’t afford onions

Rupee is falling, onion price rising. Union Bank of India should change to ’Onion Bank of India

Waiting for a movie titled “Onion Kapda Makaan”.

There are only two kind of Indians. One who can afford Onions and other who cant.

Heard Sonia gandhi has deposited 100 KG onions in her swiss bank account.

Thieves steal 5 KG onions from a posh Vasant vihar house.

Onion hits 100 rupee mark in 3 days. BLOCKBUSTER! – Taran Adarsh

That awkward moment when Onion Rings are getting costlier than diamond rings

“Yaar, such a show off Pyaaz is. Main ‘batata’ hoon.” – Potatoes

Boy to vendor: 3 kilo pyaaz Dena.

2 aunties talking behind him, ladka achhe ghar ka lagta hai, apni Pinky ke liye kaisa rahega.

PUNOGRAPHY

· I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

· When chemists die, they barium.

· Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.

· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

· I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

· I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

· This dyslexic man walks into a bra.

· PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

· I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

· A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

· What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds…

· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

· Broken pencils are pointless.

· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

· All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

· I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

· Velcro – what a rip off!

· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant when suddenly; a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said: “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish”.

“Ooh… I want to travel around the world with my darling husband,” said the woman.

The fairy moved her magic wand and abracadabra! two tickets for a new round-the-world luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Then it was the man’s turn. He thought for a moment and said: “Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife who is 30 years younger than me”.

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish…So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and abracadabra! the husband became 92 years old.

What is the moral of this story? Men might be idiots sometimes, but fairies are always female.

Complicated English….

Read the paragraph below….and try to understand the meaning….

‘Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance,
the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel,
the exact size of which was unspecified’.

‘One member of the team precipitously descended,
sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently,
the second member of the team performed self-rotational translation,
oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member’.

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

This is what u get in return from poticians

= bola bhai