Advertising and brand guru Alyque Padamsee has a favourite old line: I do not believe in repositioning my brand, but in forcing my rival to reposition his.

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/national-inte…

Breakin News:- Europe and America has stopped production of Tissue papers….
Indian 10 Rs note is much cheaper thn tht

RUPEE को किसी अच्छे रोग विशेषज्ञ को दिखाओ……..

इतना शीघ्रपतन?

Now, pay to talk to your bank’s customer-care executive
Move aimed at augmenting fee income

Satyanarayan Iyer

Mumbai, August 29: Customers calling call centres of banks and preferring to talk to customer care executives, for issues that can be resolved through the recorded options, should now be ready to pay for it. Yes, some banks have started charging a small fee for this personalised service.

Banks are looking at new ways to augment their fee income through service charges on customers for various services. According to the Web site of global lender Standard Chartered, customers who speak to the bank’s customer service representatives more than twice a month for transactional queries, such as account balance and cheque book status, will be charged Rs 50. However, the bank adds that customers calling in to report loss of card or a blocked card will not be charged a fee.

Private sector bank HDFC Bank charges customers, who do not maintain their average monthly balance, Rs 50 a call if they chose to speak to the PhoneBanking executive for transactions that are available on the interactive voice response (IVR) system. IVR is a technology that allows a computer to interact with a recorded voice through the use of voice and keypad inputs.

If it is the internet user ID or the password that you want re-issued, then talking to a customer care officer of ICICI Bank over the phone will cost you Rs 50. There will be no charge, however, if this is done using the IVR.

“We feel that since the new IVR will address a gamut of customer-related queries, the need for human intervention in the form of representatives will be minimised. The rationale is to encourage customers to use our enhanced IVR,” said Rajashree Nambiar, General Manager, Retail Banking Products, Standard Chartered.

However, not all banks are taking this route to push customers to use the IVR, at least for now. In an e-mailed reply, Citibank and HSBC said they do not levy any charges on customers calling their helpline and speaking to their representatives.

Seva He param dhan hai …….and hopefully there will be prompt response to the customer calls because these guys keep customer wainting too ………thus augmenting their revenues ………HS18 does so too ……as does Snapdeal.

https://i.imgur.com/gallery/w...4F

The great Indian listed firm robbery
N Sundaresha Subramanian

Vikash Metal & Power says it that lost a building and other stuff worth
over Rs 90 crore to an “incident of robbery” and auditors endorsed it

New Delhi, July 24: You might have heard of people robbing things from a building. You might have even heard of entire premises being emptied by crooks. But have you ever heard of robbers walking away with the building itself? Some robbers they must have been.

It happened in West Bengal’s Purulia last year or at least that was what the victim, a listed company, told its shareholders in its latest annual report. The facts of the case presented by the company and endorsed by its auditors challenge the accounting notion of “immoveable property” and raises questions about the level oversight by various regulatory authorities, say market watchers.

On April 12, 2012, Kolkata-based Steel-maker Vikash Metal & Power was the victim of an incident of robbery at its plant site in Poradiha Village in Purulia district of West Bengal. Of the stuff, which the robbers took away were a factory shed, a building, heavy machinery used to make steel rods and stock worth crores of rupees. The company informed this incident to the stock exchange more than two months later. "A robbery has taken place at the factory premises of the Company situated at Purulia. The miscreants have looted the factory and taken away critical machineries, raw materials and finished goods and several documents were destroyed…..” the company told stock exchanges on June 21, 2012. While the announcement said a police complaint and an insurance claim have been filed, the company did not reveal the extent of losses it suffered due to the incident at that point.

However, a detailed version came in the annual report of the company put before the shareholders six months later. For the year ended June 30, 2012, the company clocked revenue of Rs 476 crore and reported a loss of Rs 179 crore. Over half or Rs 90.4 crore was Exceptional item (loss due to robbery). Note number 25 to the accounts breaks down the loss. Plant & Machinery worth Rs 51.3 crore were robbed. Value of stock lost was Rs 26 crore. Here comes the killer: Even factory shed and buildings were stolen. They were worth about Rs 12 crore.

Elsewhere another note in the annual report said, “As the Incident of the Robbery Taken place on 12th of April, 2012, Depreciation on the item Lost was taken till that date and removed from the gross block and accumulated depreciation and booked as Loss Due To Robbery under Extraordinary Item. The written down value as on date of incident was booked as Loss under the Profit & Loss Account." What about the insurance claim the company said it had made earlier? "The company has filled the Insurance Claim but as the company predict the time period will be long to get the claim thus loss was booked to show the clear picture of Financial Statements,” the note added.

Auditors Rakesh Singh & Co in their audit report said, “Since in the referred period, a major incident took place at the work site of the company. A robbery took place at the works site and major parts of plants has been reported lost and looted thus putting the question on the going concern concept of the company and moreover the company operation was suspended from October, 2011.”

Conveniently, the robbers also took away the registers where the company had recorded the details of its fixed assets. “As explained by management, the Company use to maintained proper records to show full particulars, including quantitative details and situation of its fixed assets. However, this register has been maintained at factory which is missing after robbery and could not present to us for verification,” the auditor said.

“This is the first time I am seeing something like this. Looks like a total fraud. It raises several questions as to what the auditors and independent directors are doing,” said R Balakrishnan, a senior market expert and columnist. Vikash Metal hit the market in 2005 with an IPO of Rs 25 crore. It offered Rs 10 shares at a 100% premium at Rs 20 each. Kolkata-based Microsec India was the merchant banker. According to the offer document cleared by Sebi, the company raised the money to fund the very plant in Purulia that was “robbed” seven years later. The IPO document also talks about PSU banks such as UBI and UCO Bank funding the project.

Promoters group consist of 63-year old Vimal Kumar Patni and sons Vikash Patni and Akash Patni. While the father was the chairman of the company, both sons were on the board with Vikash being the managing director. In the early days, promoter group held nearly 59% in the company. However, as per the latest shareholding pattern, the promoter group held little over 15%. Even these shares are pledged with lenders. An email sent to the company’s email id given on the BSE website bounced. A second email sent to a different id given in the VKP group website, did not elicit any response.

Two Institutions Bank of New York Mellon (BoNY) and Ushdev International hold 41.48% and 9.1%, respectively. BoNY is a custodian and typically holds shares on behalf of other institutions. It came to own 47% in the quarter ending June 2011. It is likely that some lenders who held the shares pledged by promoters parked it with BoNY, say marketmen. In the next few months, by October 2011, the company suspended operations.

Vikash’s troubles peaked around early 2012, when it failed to comply with listing agreement requirement of filing quarterly results. In April 2012, NSE suspended the scrip for “Non-compliance with provisions of Listing Agreement which inter-alia includes non submission of financial results for the quarter ended December 31, 2011.” The scrip continued to trade in BSE hitting newer lows. Before the incidents, in February 2012, the stock was trading at Rs 11. On Tuesday, it ended with losses of 4.7% closing at 61 paise per share. The Patni family members had interest in another listed firm Impex Ferro Tech. When Vikash listed it was projected as a part of the “Impex group”. However, as of latest filings, Vimal and sons do not hold any shares in Impex.

Cut-paste error costs Tata firm Rs 2.28-lakh fine

The Tinplate Company of India Ltd, a Tata enterprise, found itself at the wrong end of a ‘cut and paste error’.

It had to shell out Rs 2.28 lakh as consent settlement to SEBI for disclosing that its shareholding pattern had changed between March 31, 2010 and March 31, 2011.

In its admission to the Securities and Exchange Board of India’s high-powered advisory committee, the company stated that the said change in shareholding pattern had actually taken place between March 31, 2009 and March 31, 2010. This had already been disclosed in the relevant section but was repeated for the next year due to a ‘cut and paste error’.

The company said that the change in shareholding pattern had never taken place (between March 31, 2010 and March 31, 2011) and that the change was due to the preceding year’s shareholding being repeated.

Tinplate also said that there was no change in control of the company during the period March 31, 2010 to March 2011.

There was a delay of 1,045 days and 641 days in filing the information under the Takeover regulations for 2009 and 2010, respectively, said Tinplate.

The consent mechanism allows entities to settle offences by paying a settlement amount directed by SEBI’s High Powered Advisory Committee without admission or denial of guilt.

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, “surely I can’t look that old.”. Well . . . you’ll love this one.

My name is Rekha . I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.
I noticed his BDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Mary’s high school.

“Yes. yes, I did.’ he gleamed with pride.

h1. “When did you graduate?” I asked.

He answered, “In 1984. Why do you ask?”

“You were in my class!!!!”, I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then,
that
ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled faced,
gray-haired,
decrepit,
idito,
asked,

h4. “What did you teach” ?

lol…
mast tha bhai…

एक बेहद उम्दा कहiनी
*पंचायत का निर्णय

एक बार एक हंस और हंसिनी हरिद्वार के सुरम्य वातावरण से भटकते हुए उजड़े, वीरान और रेगिस्तान के इलाके में आ गये !

रात हुई तो जिस पेड़ के नीचे हंस और हंसिनी रुके थे उस पर एक उल्लू बैठा था। वह जोर २ से चिल्लाने लगा।
हंसिनी ने हंस से कहा, अरे यहाँ तो रात में सो भी नहीं सकते। ये उल्लू चिल्ला रहा है। हंस ने फिर हंसिनी को समझाया कि किसी तरह रात काट लो, मुझे अब समझ में आ गया है कि ये इलाका वीरान क्यूँ है ? ऐसे उल्लू जिस इलाके में रहेंगे वो तो वीरान और उजड़ा रहेगा ही। पेड़ पर बैठा उल्लू दोनों कि बात सुन रहा था। सुबह हुई, उल्लू नीचे आया और उसने कहा कि हंस भाई मेरी वजह से आपको रात में तकलीफ हुई, मुझे माफ़ कर दो। हंस ने कहा, कोई बात नही भैया, आपका धन्यवाद !

यह कहकर जैसे ही हंस अपनी हंसिनी को लेकर आगे बढ़ा, पीछे से उल्लू चिल्लाया, अरे हंस मेरी पत्नी को लेकर कहाँ जा रहे हो। हंस चौंका, उसने कहा, आपकी पत्नी? अरे भाई, यह हंसिनी है, मेरी पत्नी है, मेरे साथ आई थी, मेरे साथ जा रही है !

उल्लू ने कहा, खामोश रहो, ये मेरी पत्नी है। दोनों के बीच विवाद बढ़ गया। पूरे इलाके के लोग इक्कठा हो गये। कई गावों की जनता बैठी। पंचायत बुलाई गयी। पंच लोग भी आ गये ! बोले, भाई किस बात का विवाद है ? लोगों ने बताया कि उल्लू कह रहा है कि हंसिनी उसकी पत्नी है और हंस कह रहा है कि हंसिनी उसकी पत्नी है !

लम्बी बैठक और पंचायत के बाद पञ्च लोग किनारे हो गये और कहा कि भाई बात तो यह सही है कि हंसिनी हंस की ही पत्नी है, लेकिन ये हंस और हंसिनी तो अभी थोड़ी देर में इस गाँव से चले जायेंगे। हमारे बीच में तो उल्लू को ही रहना है। इसलिए फैसला उल्लू के ही हक़ में ही सुनाना है ! फिर पंचों ने अपना फैसला सुनाया और कहा कि सारे तथ्यों और सबूतों कि जांच करने के बाद यह पंचायत इस नतीजे पर पहुंची है कि हंसिनी उल्लू की पत्नी है और हंस को तत्काल गाँव छोड़ने का हुक्म दिया जाता है !

यह सुनते ही हंस हैरान हो गया और रोने, चीखने और चिल्लाने लगा कि पंचायत ने गलत फैसला सुनाया। उल्लू ने मेरी पत्नी ले ली ! रोते- चीखते जब वहआगे बढ़ने लगा तो उल्लू ने आवाज लगाई – ऐ मित्र हंस, रुको ! हंस ने रोते हुए कहा कि भैया, अब क्या करोगे ? पत्नी तो तुमने ले ही ली, अब जान भी लोगे ?

उल्लू ने कहा, नहीं मित्र, ये हंसिनी आपकी पत्नी थी, है और रहेगी ! लेकिन कल रात जब मैं चिल्ला रहा था तो आपने अपनी पत्नी से कहा था कि यह इलाका उजड़ा और वीरान इसलिए है क्योंकि यहाँ उल्लू रहता है ! मित्र, ये इलाका उजड़ा और वीरान इसलिए नहीं है कि यहाँ उल्लू रहता है । यह इलाका उजड़ा और वीरान इसलिए है क्योंकि यहाँ पर ऐसे पञ्च रहते हैं जो उल्लुओं के हक़ में फैसला सुनाते हैं !

शायद ६५ साल कि आजादी के बाद भी हमारे देश की दुर्दशा का मूल कारण यही है कि हमने हमेशा अपना फैसला उल्लुओं के ही पक्ष में सुनाया है। इस देश क़ी बदहाली और दुर्दशा के लिए कहीं न कहीं हम भी जिम्मेदार हैं।

How predator eats his cereal

Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever ‘Eastern European’ scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury’s supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience.

Two very good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they’ll say ‘No’ and instead they ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Tesco.

You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, and thrusting her against you, while the other one steals your wallet!

I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also on July 1st, 4th, 6th, 10th and 13th and twice yesterday.

So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.

The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.

P.S. Aldi have cheap wallets on sale for £1.99 each but Lidl wallets are £1.75 and look better!

Don’t Judge Too Quickly…

http://youtu.be/tQ6lE…ek

Masculine Moments

Death of Humanity !

I was turning this crab with the handle of a knife so I could grab it easy to cook, the crab disarmed me and is now wielding a knife.

Joe’s dilemma

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a doctor.

The doctor said, ’Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require a castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, ’That’s what I need… A new suit.’ He entered the shop and told the salesman, ’I’d like a new suit.’

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, ’Let’s see… size 44 long.’ Joe laughed, ’That’s right, how did you know?’

‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, ‘How about a new shirt?’ Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’

The salesman eyed Joe and said, ’Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.’

Joe was surprised, ’That’s right, how did you know?’

‘Been in the business 60 years.’

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’

Joe thought for a moment and said, ’sure….’

The salesman said, ’Let’s see….. Size 36.

Joe laughed, ‘Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old….’

The salesman shook his head, ‘You can’t wear a size 34.

A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.’

New suit – £400

New shirt – £36

New underwear – £6

The Maharajah of Mysore asked about the price of a Rolls Royce car while on a visit to London.

He was snubbed by the sales staff who didn’t know who he was.

On return to India, the Maharaja imported a Rolls Royce through government channels and used it for garbage collection in the Mysore palace garden!

The Times of London carried a front-page report with a striking photograph of the Rolls full of garbage.

Shocked, the Rolls Royce people pleaded with the Maharajah not to damage the prestige of their car.

They offered to buy his Rolls back at a higher price! Replied the Maharajah, "Rolls Royce is ideal for garbage collection.

In fact, I would like to buy two more from you, as my palace generates a lot of garbage.

The price is immaterial.

“It is said that ever since, any Indian who visits the Rolls Royce plant in London is treated like a Maharajah — the staff are scared he may turn out to be one!

https://i.imgur.com/gallery/7...Ae

A woman received a call that her daughter was sick.

She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.

She looked at it and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP.

Within 5 minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up.

A bearded man, who was wearing an old biker skull rag, got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said: “Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said “Sure.” He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.

She hugged the man and through tears said, “Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday; I was in prison for car theft.”

The woman hugged the man again sobbing, “Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”