Lipstick in School (priceless)……

According to a news report, a certain private school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls     were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints   . Every night the maintenance janitor would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back   . Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls     to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance janitor. She explained that all these lip prints    were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance janitor to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled mop, dipped it in the  toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers.. . . and ……..then…….there are educators..!!

Just repeating
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Tea anyone ??
Epic Tea House Server

http://youtu.be/Scoqx…NU

Bare-feet Gujarati Grandma in Ahmedabad giving a ride to her grandson

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
“Two prostitutes — $50.00.”

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
“Jesus saves.”

One of the girls asked the cop:
“Why don’t you stop them ?”

“Well, that’s a little different,” the cop smiled.
“Their sign pertains to religion.”

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:

“Two Angels seeking Peter — $50.00.”

https://i.imgur.com/gallery/n...vh

Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An Old Italian man is dying.
He calls his grandson to his bedside.
Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-my chrome plated…38 revolver so you will always remember me."

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns… How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”

“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.”

“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe find a you wife inna bed with another man.

“Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’ "?

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino.
She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m nude.”
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled:
“Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed.
“Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered,
“I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men…are men!

Boozy Tomatoes

http://youtu.be/iblBs…X4

How to jump start a truck

http://youtu.be/zcBE8…i4

इंगलैण्ड की राजधानी लंदन में यात्रा के दौरान एक शाम महाराजा जयसिंह सादे कपड़ों में बॉन्ड स्ट्रीट में घूमने के लिए निकले और वहां उन्होने रोल्स रॉयस कम्पनी का भव्य शो रूम देखा और मोटर कार का भाव जानने के लिए अंदर चले गए। शॉ रूम के अंग्रेज मैनेजर ने उन्हें “कंगाल भारत” का सामान्य नागरिक समझ कर वापस भेज दिया। शोरूम के सेल्समैन ने भी उन्हें बहुत अपमानित किया, बस उन्हें “गेट आऊट” कहने के अलावा अपमान करने में कोई कोर कसर नहीं छोड़ी।अपमानित महाराजा जयसिंह वापस होटल पर आए और रोल्स रॉयस के उसी शोरूम पर फोन लगवाया और संदेशा कहलवाया कि अलवर के महाराजा कुछ मोटर कार खरीदने चाहते हैं।
कुछ देर बाद जब महाराजा रजवाड़ी पोशाक में और अपने पूरे दबदबे के साथ शोरूम पर पहुंचे तब तक शोरूम में उनके स्वागत में “रेड कार्पेट” बिछ चुका था। वही अंग्रेज मैनेजर और सेल्समेन्स उनके सामने नतमस्तक खड़े थे। महाराजा ने उस समय शोरूम में पड़ी सभी छ: कारों को खरीदकर, कारों की कीमत के साथ उन्हें भारत पहुँचाने के खर्च का भुगतान कर दिया।
भारत पहुँच कर महाराजा जयसिंह ने सभी छ: कारों को अलवर नगरपालिका को दे दी और आदेश दिया कि हर कार का उपयोग (उस समय के दौरान 8320 वर्ग कि.मी) अलवर राज्य में कचरा उठाने के लिए किया जाए।
विश्‍व की अव्वल नंबर मानी जाने वाली सुपर क्लास रोल्स रॉयस कार नगरपालिका के लिए कचरागाड़ी के रूप में उपयोग लिए जाने के समाचार पूरी दुनिया में फैल गया और रोल्स रॉयस की इज्जत तार-तार हुई। युरोप-अमरीका में कोई अमीर व्यक्‍ति अगर ये कहता “मेरे पास रोल्स रॉयस कार” है तो सामने वाला पूछता “कौनसी?” वही जो भारत में कचरा उठाने के काम आती है! वही?
बदनामी के कारण और कारों की बिक्री में एकदम कमी आने से रोल्स रॉयस कम्पनी के मालिकों को बहुत नुकसान होने लगा। महाराज जयसिंह को उन्होने क्षमा मांगते हुए टेलिग्राम भेजे और अनुरोध किया कि रोल्स रॉयस कारों से कचरा उठवाना बन्द करवावें। माफी पत्र लिखने के साथ ही छ: और मोटर कार बिना मूल्य देने के लिए भी तैयार हो गए।
महाराजा जयसिंह जी को जब पक्‍का विश्‍वास हो गया कि अंग्रेजों को वाजिब बोधपाठ मिल गया है तो महाराजा ने उन कारों से कचरा उठवाना बन्द करवाया !

https://i.imgur.com/gallery/6...5w

keep posting.. good ones

Pipistrel Virus-SW914: Ultra light plane weighing just 290 kg!

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/slideshows/…

pankaj.gupta86 wrote:

keep posting.. good ones

You too bro ……..like the onion exhibition photos

Retirement Bonus

If this doesn’t make you laugh, you are truly humour impaired!

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch
measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.
He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
‘From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.’

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to ‘drop ’em,’ which he did.
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chiefs’ weenie and began to work back.

“Dear Lord,” he suddenly exclaimed:
‘’Where are your testicles?’’
h1.
The old Chief calmly replied:
“In Vietnam.’’

https://i.imgur.com/gallery/T...vF

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

Fantastic

Preacher’s salary
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There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s salary.

There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd:
‘Children are a gift from God,’ he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said:
‘Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we wear raincoats.’

And the congregation said:
’Amen!

15-year-old boy arrested for making fake Facebook profile, demanding money

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/mumbai-15yearold-boy…