Laughing is the best medicine... :D
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Tallest horse, donkey and Dog
Business is Business
One day in a school in London, a teacher said to a class of 5-year-olds,
“I’ll give 10 pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most famous
man who ever lived.”
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St.Patrick.”
The teacher said, “Sorry Paddy, that’s not correct.”
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Andrew.”
The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Hamish,that’s not right either.”
Then a Jewish boy put his hand up and said “David”
the Buddhist boy said “Gautama Buddha”
and the Muslim boy said “Mohammed”.
They all were not successful.
Finally, a Gujju boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.”
The teacher said,“That’s absolutely right, Jignesh, come up here and I’ll
give you the 10 pounds that I promised.”
As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she said,“You know Jignesh,
since you’re a Patel, I was very surprised
you said Jesus Christ.”
Jignesh replied, “Yes. In my heart I knew it was Krishna, but Business is
Business!”
- A Romanian, an Arab, and a Yorkshire Lass*
A Romanian, an Arab, and a Yorkshire Lass are in the same bar.
When the Romanian finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says:
‘In Romania, our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.’
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he’s a Muslim!),
throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says:
‘In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.’
The Yorkshire Lass, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp,
and throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Romanian and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
‘In Yorkshire, we have so many illegal immigrants that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.’
God Bless Yorkshire!!
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@
* A Romanian, an Arab, and a Yorkshire Lass*
A Romanian, an Arab, and a Yorkshire Lass are in the same bar.
When the Romanian finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says:
‘In Romania, our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.’
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he’s a Muslim!),
throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says:
‘In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.’
The Yorkshire Lass, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp,
and throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Romanian and the Arab.
h1. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
‘In Yorkshire, we have so many illegal immigrants that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.’
God Bless Yorkshire!!
A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells
it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and started sending
it on errands. He became so proud of what the car can do without mistakes.
One day, he wasn’t able to go out, his wife told him to tell the car to go
and pick the children from school because she was so tired.
The man agreed and said to the car; Car, go and bring my children from
school. The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive. He dressed up
and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife
stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children. The
car parked right in front of them and said; “These are your children sir”.
In the car was their Landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress two
sons, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, their pastor’s son and their
neighbors two sons. The Wife said; Don’t tell me all these ones are your
children?. The man asked her calmly; Can you tell me why our children are
not in the car?
hilarious prank..
After India winning Champion’s Trophy..
1. Pahele goro ko haraya - South Africa
2. Phir kalo ko haraya - West Indies
3. Phir kasab walon ko haraya - Pakistan
4. Phir Sita Maiyya ka haran (kidnap) karanewalo ko haraya - Sri Lanka
5. Aur akhir me Hindustan ke lootere ko haraya - England
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@
After India winning Champion’s Trophy..
1. Pahele goro ko haraya-South Africa
*Students eyes in the class (-) (-) (- ) (-_) (-) (-_) (--) (--) *
*When teacher say tomorrow will be exam (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) *
*During the exam (→_→) (←_←) (→_→) (←_←) (→_→) (←_←) *
When invigilator comes in (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓)
Khushwant Singh, a member of the Delhi Gymkhana Club at 92 years,
wrote the attached poem for the DG Club newsletter!
Pickled In Rum
The horse and the mule live for 30 years,
And know nothing of wines and beer;
The goat and sheep at 20 die,
And never get a taste of Scotch and rye.
The cow drinks water by the tonne
And at 18 is mostly done
Without the aid of rum and gin.
The cat in milk and water soaks,
And then in 12 short years it croaks.
The modest, sober, bone-dry hen
Lays eggs for others, then dies at 10.
All animals are strictly dry,
They sinless live and swiftly die.
But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men
Survive for three score years and ten,
And some of them, though very few,
Stay pickled till they’re 92.
Cheers
The Cleveland Balloonfest. Over 1.5 million balloons were released simultaneously. 1986
कृपया कमज़ोर दिल वाले न पढ़ें। यह एक
सच्ची घटना है जो पिछले महीने लोनावाला के पास
घटी।
एक युवक मुम्बई से पुणे अपनी कार से जा रहा था। जब
वह घाट के पास पहुँचा तभी अनहोनी घटी।
उसकी कार खराब हो गई और वहाँ दूर-दूर तक कोई
नज़र भी नहीं आ रहा था।
वह किसी कार से पास के कस्बे तक लिफ्ट लेने
की आशा में सड़क के किनारे-किनारे चलने लगा। रात
अँधेरी और तूफानी थी। पानी झमाझम बरस रहा था।
जल्दी ही वह पूरी तरह भीग गया और काँपने लगा।
उसे कोई कार नहीं मिली और पानी इतनी तेज बरस
रहा था कि कुछ मीटर दूर की चीजें भी नहीं दिखाई
दे रही थीं। तभी उसने एक कार को अपनी तरफ आते
देखा जो उससे पास आकर धीरे हो गई। लड़के ने आव
देखा न ताव, झट से कार
का पिछला दरवाजा खोला और अंदर कूद गया। जब
वह अपने मददगार को धन्यवाद देने के लिए आगे
झुका तो उसके होश उड़ गए क्योंकि ड्राइवर की सीट
खाली थी।
आगे की सीट खाली और इंजन की आवाज़ न होने के
बावजूद भी कार सड़क पर चल रही थी। लड़के ने
तभी आगे सड़क पर एक मोड़ देखा। अपनी मौत नजदीक
देख वह लड़का जोर-जोर से भगवान को याद करने
लगा। तभी खिड़की से एक हाथ आया और उसने कार के
स्टीयरिंग व्हील को मोड़ दिया। कार मोड़ से सकुशल
आगे बढ़ गई।
लड़का बुरी तरह भयभीत हो कर देखता रहा कि कैसे
हर मोड़ पर खिड़की से एक हाथ अंदर आता और
स्टीयरिंग व्हील को मोड़ देता। आखिरकार उस लड़के
को कुछ दूरी पर रोशनी दिखाई दी। लड़का झट से
दरवाजा खोल कर नीचे कूदा और सरपट
रोशनी की तरफ दौड़ा। यह एक
छोटा सा कस्बा था। वह सीधा एक ढाबे में रुका और
पीने को पानी माँगा।
फिर वह बुरी तरह रोने लगा। थोड़ी देर बाद
सामान्य होने पर उसने अपनी भयानक
कहानी सुनानी शुरु की। ढाबे में
सन्नाटा छा गया कि तभी………………
संता और बंता ढाबे में पहुँचे और संता लड़के की तरफ
इशारा करके बंता से बोला कि अरे यही वह बेवकूफ
लड़का है ना जो हमारी कार में कूदा था जब हम कार
को धक्का लगा रहे थे………
Cant stop laughing
A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car; Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said; “These are your children sir”. In the car were their Landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress’s two sons, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, their pastor’s son and their neighbours two sons.
The Wife said; Don’t tell me all these are your children ?.
The man asked her calmly; Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?. …
Jet Fuel
Shane and Phil were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Melbourne, Australia.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Phil said, ‘Man, I wish we had something to drink!’
Shane says, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?’
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze, get completely smashed, and have a great evening.
The next morning Phil wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It’s Shane. Shane says, ‘Hey, how are you this morning?’
Phil says, ‘I feel great, how about you?’
Shane,‘I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?’
Phil says, ‘No that jet fuel is great stuff — no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often. In fact I’m going to be having only jet fuel from now on’
Shane,‘Yeah, well… there is just one thing.’
’What’s that?’
‘Have you farted yet?’
‘No.’
‘Well, DON’T, ‘cause I’m in New Zealand’
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City for a “Blondes are not Stupid Convention.”
The leader says: “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her: “What is 15 plus 15?”
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!”
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”
So she asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?”
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh—everyone is disheartened—the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting:
“GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”
The leader, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, “OK! OK! Just one more chance—what is 2 plus 2?”
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream:
“GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”
What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
“Well, I went to the Amusement Park at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view.”
“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked the visitor.
“Yes.”
“What did it say?”
“Don’t stand up in the car!”
Yup