Just for laughs... Mind it-a... ;-)

Just for laughs... Mind it-a... ;-)

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Score: 4 Votes: 6

Vote down Reasons

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Vote down Reasons

  • Other reasons : 1
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Vote down Reasons

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Grant me a sense of humor, Lord,
The saving grace to see a joke,
To win some happiness from life,
And pass it on to other folk.
Humor is the best gift of all to give.

-Author unknown

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Sailor And Priest

The sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor was not very good at it, and uttered a loud
“F***! I missed!” each time he missed. The priest tolerated him for a few minutes and couldn’t
take it anymore. “Do not swear thus, my friend, or God will punish you!” It didn’t make a
difference, the sailor continued unabated. One after another, the sailor played badly, and
followed up with “F***! I missed!” Again, the priest said “Do not utter such profanities, or God
will show you a sign!” It didn’t help, and the next stroke missed was followed by a loud “F***! I
missed!” Just then, a bolt of lightning dropped out of the sky and struck the priest dead. A
voice was heard in the clouds…….“F***! I missed!”

631 Comments  |  
20 Dimers
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Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?”
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.
God said this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will not nag you,and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed.
Adam asked God what would a woman like that would cost him.
God said, “An arm and a leg.”
Adam said, “What can I get for just a rib?”
And the rest is history… toungueout

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A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”

They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. “Where is God?”

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God!?”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: “We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!”

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Pundit Ramprasad Shastri comes home and finds his wife being with another man.
The pundit takes out a gun from the drawer and puts it to his head. The wife’s lover jumps up and shouts, “Hey, what are you doing?”
“Shut up!” says the learned pundit. “You are next!”

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In a school the teacher asks, “Has any of you ever saved somebody’s life?”
A little boy raises his arm, “Yes, my little nephew’s.”
“How did it happen? Tell us!” asks the teacher.
The little Polack says, “I hid my sister’s birth control pills!”

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Little Albert’s mother cannot bring herself to tell the little boy that his dog, Laddy, has just been run over by a car and killed.
When Albert comes home from school she talks of other things for a few minutes, but finally, she says, “Albert, listen. Laddy has been run over and killed by an automobile.”
“Oh!” says the boy, and goes out to play, whistling.
At dinner, Little Albert asks, “Hey, Mom, where is Laddy?”
“Darling,” says his mother, “I told you this afternoon: Laddy has been killed by a car.”
Suddenly, Albert bursts into tears.
“But Albert,” cries his mother, “when I told you this afternoon, it did not seem to bother you.”
“No,” sniffs Albert, “it didn’t — because I thought you said Daddy!”

ad bot
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Ad Bot

I found this sponsored content on one of the ad networks.

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Nasrudin has lost his wife’s bracelet. He’s panicky. “God, if you help me I’ll do anything – I’ll do anything – I’ll donate half my weeks salary.” He then sees it behind a cushion. “Never mind God – I’ve already found it.”

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neoman wrote:

Little Albert’s mother cannot bring herself to tell the little boy that his dog, Laddy, has just been run over by a car and killed.
When Albert comes home from school she talks of other things for a few minutes, but finally, she says, “Albert, listen. Laddy has been run over and killed by an automobile.”
“Oh!” says the boy, and goes out to play, whistling.
At dinner, Little Albert asks, “Hey, Mom, where is Laddy?”
“Darling,” says his mother, “I told you this afternoon: Laddy has been killed by a car.”
Suddenly, Albert bursts into tears.
“But Albert,” cries his mother, “when I told you this afternoon, it did not seem to bother you.”
“No,” sniffs Albert, “it didn’t — because I thought you said Daddy!”


Really new joke.. tks

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neoman wrote:

In a school the teacher asks, “Has any of you ever saved somebody’s life?”
A little boy raises his arm, “Yes, my little nephew’s.”
“How did it happen? Tell us!” asks the teacher.
The little Polack says, “I hid my sister’s birth control pills!”


OMG.. life saver ?

smile

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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:@

Really new joke.. tks


There is a lot more to come. Always Welcome! biggrin

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neoman wrote:

Pundit Ramprasad Shastri comes home and finds his wife being with another man.
The pundit takes out a gun from the drawer and puts it to his head. The wife’s lover jumps up and shouts, “Hey, what are you doing?”
“Shut up!” says the learned pundit. “You are next!”


Kya baat hai,, neoman

biggrin

we lost newage from the forum and entered neoman..
hope u enjoy the stay here and we shall too. (enjoy your presence)
+
PRESENSE OF MIND.

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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:@

h1. Kya baat hai,, neoman

biggrin

we lost newage from the forum and entered neoman..
hope u enjoy the stay here and we shall too. (enjoy your presence)
+
PRESENSE OF MIND.


lol lol lol

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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:@

neoman wrote:

In a school the teacher asks, “Has any of you ever saved somebody’s life?”
A little boy raises his arm, “Yes, my little nephew’s.”
“How did it happen? Tell us!” asks the teacher.
The little Polack says, “I hid my sister’s birth control pills!”


OMG.. life saver ?

smile


lol lol lol lol lol lol

Img 20141106 164617
Entertainer
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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:@

neoman wrote:

Pundit Ramprasad Shastri comes home and finds his wife being with another man.
The pundit takes out a gun from the drawer and puts it to his head. The wife’s lover jumps up and shouts, “Hey, what are you doing?”
“Shut up!” says the learned pundit. “You are next!”


Kya baat hai,, neoman

biggrin

we lost newage from the forum and entered neoman..
hope u enjoy the stay here and we shall too. (enjoy your presence)
+
PRESENSE OF MIND.


We lost maitherya too and neoman reminds me of Maitherya confused >

Images %286%29
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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:@

neoman wrote:

In a school the teacher asks, “Has any of you ever saved somebody’s life?”
A little boy raises his arm, “Yes, my little nephew’s.”
“How did it happen? Tell us!” asks the teacher.
The little Polack says, “I hid my sister’s birth control pills!”


OMG.. life saver ?

smile


Great job Neoman. biggrin biggrin

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Thanks, guys. All credit goes to the original author(s) whose name(s) I don’t know. toungueout

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Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar.

He didn’t have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. “I sure do,” he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.

“Wow!” said his friend, “Where did you get that monster lighter?”

“I got it from my genie.”

“You have a genie?”

“Yes, right here in my golf bag.”

“Could I see him?”

He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie.

The friend asks the genie, “Since, I’m a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish?”

“Yes I will” the genie replies.

The friend asks the genie for a million bucks.

The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks.

Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.

The friend tells his golfing partner, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

He answers,“I forgot to tell you that the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?”

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Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,“Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?”

When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty !” shouted Mary.

The teacher said, “Very good!” and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, “Who is our Lord and Savior?”, but Mary didn’t even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary.

The teacher said, “Very good!” and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”

Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”

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Three men went to hell.

The devil said to them “You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3”

He then opened the doors to the three rooms.

Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.

Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.

Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.

The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.

They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said “OK men, coffee break’s over. Back on your heads.”

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Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked an accountant.“Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, “Ticket, please”. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea.

So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to ride without a ticket”? said one perplexed accountant.“Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please”.

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Naughty engg.
Someone is smart enough before the birth of dime ?

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Son: Dad, what does ‘gay’ means?
Father: It means ‘to be happy’.
Son: Are you gay?
Father: No, son. I have a wife.

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A student at college had failed his final law papers and was obviously not happy, he questioned the professor & decided to make a deal with him ‘professor, do u consider yourself to know everything about the law?
He asked. ’Absolutely, otherwise i would not be capable of standing in front of u & lecturing u on the subject’ he replied. The student continued; if u can answer this question, I will agree with u & accept my final marks, if u cannot, u have to give me an ‘A" the professor laughed but agreed.
The boy continued, ’what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
The professor thought about it for hours and pondered no answer. He had to finally give up as he really did not know. He gave the boy his ’A’ the following day at lecture, the professor was still struggling with dis unknown mystery & decided to pose the question to his students: class, what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
He paused for a second in shock when all students raised their hands with a possible answer. He pointed out one student and waited:
“sir, u’re 65, married to a 28 yr old woman, this is legal but not logical, ur wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal, ur wife’s boyfriend has failed his exam & yet u have given him an ‘A’. That is neither logical nor legal”.
The professor collapsed.

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1 dimer voted down saying Other Reasons. What might be the reason? confused roll

After all, I’ve not targeted/abused anyone here. toungueout lol

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Kids Today

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A Bit Disoriented

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Stress Management

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A Long Time to Die

Missing