Abilene paradox
The Abilene Paradox
On my birthday a couple of years back, I wanted to take my family out for dinner. I asked my wife where we can go. Knowing that I like Gujarati food, she immediately said: “Let’s go to Agashiye – The Terrace Restaurant.”
My son and daughter both nodded in agreement. On return my son said: “I wish Pappa had taken us to Mainland China – he loves Chinese food.” “Or at least to Shere-E-Punjab for the wonderful tandoori chicken” added my daughter. “Yes, I too would have loved to go Mainland China”, I said.
My wife looked surprised: “But didn’t we all unanimously agree to go to Agashiye” she asked.
I said sheepishly “I didn’t want you to feel bad.” And both my children nodded in agreement. Here were four people who of their own volition would not have gone to ‘Agashiye – The Terrace Restaurant, but collectively agreed to go there.
This also happens in the corporate world. This is the Abilene Paradox. Prof. Jerry Harvey calls it “The Inability to Manage Agreement”.
Abilene Paradox occurs when a group of people collectively decide on a course of action that is contrary to the preferences of many of the individuals in the group.
Prof. Harvey states in his paper ‘The Abilene Paradox’: “Organizations frequently take actions in contradiction to what they really want to do and therefore defeat the very purpose they are trying to achieve”. This is the inability to manage agreement.
He adds: “The inability to manage agreement, not the inability to manage conflict, is the essential symptom that defines organizations caught in the web of the Abilene Paradox.”
In the corporate world, when the top boss throws an idea, the group immediately agrees. This is because everyone in the group thinks he would look stupid if he disagrees. Standing out as a lone voice is very embarrassing. This leads the group to decide on ‘yes’ when ‘no’ would have been the personal (and the correct) response of the majority.
I love this from Ayn Rand: “If we have an endless number of individual minds who are weak, meek, submissive and impotent – who renounce their creative supremacy for the sake of the “whole” and accept humbly the ‘whole’s verdict’ – we don’t get a collective super-brain. We get only the weak, meek, submissive and impotent collective mind.”
PIW – Parent Induced Wastefulness
Please read through .. this is absolutely TRUE in today’s world.. Don’t take it easy!
When parents strive to give their children the best of everything at an early age, they are sowing seeds for materially insatiable monsters that are prone to sloth, apathy, avarice and fear.
Don’t stand in self- defense as yet. I have proof.
As I sit in my counselor’s chair day after day I encounter an altogether a new disorder that I have come to label as- Parent Induced Wastefulness (PIW).
Here are a few examples:
26-year-old Manas does not want to finish his Engineering degree because he does not ‘feel like’ studying.
But he harasses his parents every day for money.
He tells me that whenever he did not feel like doing any particular activity, his parents told him he can quit.
They always said they did not want him to get ‘stressed’ like they were when growing up.
34-year-old Raghav is a qualified Engineer and is married for 2 years but his wife is not ready to live with him hence the counseling.
He is qualified alright but refuses to stick to any job as it makes him feel stressed!
Every two months he runs back home from work and wants his parents to solve his problem like they did every time he refused to go to school.
28 years old Anjali does not want to go back to her one-year-old marriage because it is too much for her to work in the office and then look after the household.
She wants her mother to come and live with her and do the household work.
There are many others… but all originating in overzealous parents wanting to protect their children from even the smallest discomfort in childhood.
You love them alright, but when you shield them from the adversities of life, what you are doing is bringing them up in a sterile environment.
The result: the moment they are exposed to the world their immunity buckles up and they stand threadbare wanting to run away from everything that is anything but comfortable.
They have to live in this very world and away from you. Do you really love them? Or do you love yourself more?
If it is them, then you would ensure to make them future ready- let them face, talk to them, provide support, but let them face housework, studies, bullying and adversities.
Tell them money is limited and let them learn to hear a lot of ‘NO’.
That’s what makes them ‘FUTURE READY’.
Dr. Sapna Sharma
Psychotherapist, Spiritual Counselor, LIfe Reinvention Coach & Motivational speaker.
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Satellite image over Bhopal
What a beautiful message…!
A young girl and her father were walking along a forest path. At some point, they came across a large tree branch on the ground in front of them.The girl asked her father, “If I try, do you think I could move that branch?”
Her father replied, “I am sure you can, if you use all your strength.”
The girl tried her best to lift or push the branch, but she was not strong enough and she couldn’t move it.
She said, with disappointment, “You were wrong, dad. I can’t move it.”
“Try again with all your strength,” replied her father. Again, the girl tried hard to push the branch. She struggled but it did not move.
“Dad, I cannot do it,” said the girl.
Finally her father said, “Young lady, I advised you to use ‘all your strength’. You didn’t ask for my help.
~
Moral :
Our real strength lies not in independence, but in interdependence.
No individual person has all the strengths, all the resources and all the stamina required for the complete blossoming of their vision.
To ask for help and support when we need it is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of wisdom.
English Language Forum:
Inspiration:
🍃🍂🍃🍂🍃🍂🍃🍂🍃🍂
SIX LEADERSHIP PRINCIPLES TO LEARN FROM AN EAGLE….
1. Eagles fly Alone and at High Altitudes.
They don’t fly with sparrows, ravens, and other small birds.
MEANING; Stay away from narrow-minded people, those that bring you down. Eagle flies with Eagles. Keep good company.
2. Eagles have an Accurate Vision. They have the ability to focus on something as far as 5km away. No matter the obstacles, the eagle will not move his focus from the prey until he grabs it.
MEANING; Have a vision and remain focused no matter what the obstacles and you will succeed.
3. Eagles do not Eat Dead things. They Feed only on Fresh Prey.
MEANING; Do not rely on your past success, keep looking for new frontiers to conquer. Leave your past where it belongs, in the past.
4. Eagles Love the Storm.
When clouds gather, the eagle gets excited, the eagle uses the storms wind to lift itself higher. Once it finds the wind of the storm, the eagle uses the raging storm to lift itself above the clouds. This gives the eagle an opportunity to glide and rest its wings. In the meantime, all the other birds hide in the branches and leaves of the tree.
MEANING; Face your challenges head on knowing that these will make you emerge stronger and better than you were. We can use the storms of life to rise to greater heights. Achievers are not afraid to rise to greater heights. Achievers are not afraid of challenges, rather they relish them and use them profitably.
5. Eagles Prepare for Training;
They remove the feathers and soft grass in the nest so that the young ones get uncomfortable in preparation for flying and eventually flies/ when it becomes unbearable to stay in the nest./
MEANING; Leave your Comfort Zone, there is No Growth there.
6. When the Eagle Grows Old,
His feathers becomes weak and cannot take him as fast and as high as it should. This makes him weak and could make him die. So he retires to a place far away in the mountains. While there, he plucks out the weak feathers on his body and breaks its beaks and claws against the rocks until he is completely bare; a very bloody and painful process. Then he stays in this hiding place until he has grown new feathers, new beaks and claws and then he comes out flying higher than before.
MEANING; We occasionally need to shed off old habit no matter how difficult, things that burden us or add no value to our lives should be let go of.
NEVER GIVE UP,
BE AN EAGLE.
Pregnant woman to her husband
Dear I am going to have our baby in two months, are u not excited?
Husband- a lot sweetheart, I can’t wait for that moment.
Pregnant wife – but still u didn’t told me what u are expecting, it will be a boy or girl?
Husband – (hahaha) does it make a difference?
Pregnant wife – no it doesn’t but still everyone as some things like if it will be a boy I will do this or that or if would be a girl I will do this and so on.
Husband – oh like that , oh yes I have some things in my mind about that.
Pregnant wife – really! Tell me.
Husband – if we had a boy, I will teach him all mischievous things, I will teach him maths, we will go for sports, I will teach him fishing and so on.
Pregnant wife haha …and what about girl?
Husband – if we had a girl..I will not teach her anything.
Pregnant wife – why?
Husband – because she will be the one who will teach me all the things again…like how to dress, how to eat, what to say, what not to say…in short she will be my second mom…and She will consider me as her hero even though if I have not done anything special, she will always understand when I will refuse her for something, she will always compare her husband to be like me, no matter how old she will be but she always want that I should treat her like my baby doll,she will fight with world for me and if someone hurted me she will never forgive that person…
Pregnant wife -So you mean to say that your daughter will do all these things but your son will not do?
Husband No, no .. maybe he will do the same but he will learn to do ..but daughters are born with it..being the father of a daughter is the pride for any man.
Pregnant wife – but darling she will not be with us forever?
Husband – yes but we will be with her in her heart forever, so it doesn’t make a difference..where she goes. 😊
For the PG Wodehouse and English language fans!
Bertie Wooster was in the study when his butler,Jeeves, coughed discreetly. “May I ask you a question Sir ?”
“By all means, Jeeves,” said Bertie.
“I am doing the crossword in The Times and I have found a word with which I am unfamiliar.”
“What word is that?” said his lordship.
“Aplomb, Sir. "
“Now that’s a difficult one to explain I would say it is self-assurance or complete composure.”
“Thank you, Sir, but I’m still a little confused.”
“Let me give you an example to make it clearer. Do you remember a few months ago the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend a weekend with us at Aunt Agatha’s place?”
“I remember the occasion very well, Sir. It gave the staff and myself much pleasure to look after them.”
“Also”, continued Bertie Wooster, “do you remember when the Duke plucked a bloom for the Duchess in the rose garden?”
“I was present on that occasion, Sir, ministering to their needs.”
“While plucking the rose, a thorn embedded itself in his thumb very deeply.”
Jeeves replied, “I witnessed the incident and saw the Duchess herself remove the thorn and wrap a bandage on his thumb using her own dainty handkerchief, after sucking the thumb gently to stop the bleeding. Yes Sir, I did see everything that transpired that evening.”
Bertie Wooster: "Jeeves, the next morning while you were pouring tea for Her Ladyship, the Duchess asked the Duke in a loud voice, ‘Darling is your prick still throbbing?’
“And you, Jeeves, did not spill one drop of tea! Now that is Aplomb!”
Brit humour! At it’s best !