Hot Deal

Advice needed on critical life situation, Disclaimer: story is long

1283°
Helpful
dealseeker402

I come from small village of Bihar, I was student of JNV and I had been staying out of my hometown most of the times. I work in It Company in Bangalore. Due to all this I am not into any kind of discrimination/partiality with any one. My behaviour depends on the behaviour of person in front of me.

My parents are narrow minded as usual(dimer from Bihar knows it better).

My father wants to control everything. He thinks in a way that he is always correct and whatever he is doing and don't need advice. Even if he feels that he need advice he will seek advice from others instead of family members. He becomes a civil engineer if there is ongoing construction at home.

My Mother goes for favoritism for my younger brother and sister(married).

When I started earning(22k) My father used to ask money If I have any. You can call me fool. I used to send all the remaining money I was having to my father(may be because of love/respect for my father). It used to be (5-6k). I came to know later that my father used to laugh on that seeing the amount. This continued until my father asked me to take loan of 5 lakh and give it to him for land purchase. I consulted my mother and brother and took the loan with a condition that my father would pay me 15k so that I can close loan early. Condition was never met. There were remaining funds after land purchase but instead of giving it to me, my father used it for unnecessary work(installing granite at home where no one lives or going to live in near future) 

However my brother arranged funds whenever possible to do the part payment. I returned to him later. I used to order mobile phones on NCEMI and use funds to do the part payment

During Corona 2nd Wave I came home and stayed for longest duration at home in my life and problem started from there.

My loan somehow got closed and my father came to know and again started asking money. I resisted as My mother asked me to order some equipment's(fridge/cooler). Within 3 months of coming home, I got engaged. Now I had new person in life. I learned from her that I should have done savings. That's correct I was fool. I started saving slowly. But my father knew my salary(I had to share salary slip with him because girl's family asked for it before proceeding). It started making him pissed.

Extension of home(home where we live in village) started during that time as rooms were less. Now my father became civil engineer and started asking workers to construct as he wants. This started conflict because I wanted my room at least as per my choice. Conflict became common and my parents started thinking that I am being controlled by the girl as I never used to question their decisions(because i was not home any time for more that 15 days).

Conflict continued and my words became as harsh as the words coming from person in front of me. I started over thinking and I got health issue for lifetime.

My mom started over thinking and got lifetime health issue but my mom never got rid of favoritism.  

My father already had health issue even before I came home for long duration.

I took loan of 9 lakh around during my marriage, settled as soon(within 8 months) I can and never told my parents. for them it was 2 year minimum. After two year again my father started asking money I clearly denied and he got very pissed with me.

Recently I got blessed with baby girl(C section)
while we were at hospital her father came, I sent him back as he was shivering. We never expected for C section but an emergency situation came(created by doctor itself without informing she broke fluid sac). It was 6PM (coldest weather of Bihar) and I consulted my father but didn't get clear instruction/advice. I took the decision for C section.

My father got pissed because of that as well. My mother is no less than my father(in another way). I never got support from her. Imagine  when I bought a electric kettle to boil water/heat food while at Hospital she got pissed.

Now coming to ladies thing: as usual my wife expect my mom to treat her the same way my mom treat my sister. like buying a jewellary for her as well if buying for my sister.

But situation is like even though my sister is married she demands and her demand is fulfilled but nothing to very less for my wife.

we do celebrate in a grand way to welcome a new born but it didn't happened this time(reason: conflict).

My wife have a genetic condition(results in low hemoglobin always. got to know recently).

She feels tired every time and there is only one member in house who can help is mom. My mom has mental issue(of cleaning everything. I bought washing machine for her but she prefer washing by hand. I bought mop for her but she does by hand). due to this she doesn't get time and also her health problem become intense.

My wife wanted to go her home(her mother has passed away long ago) as there many people to hold/entertain our daughter but my parents are not allowing her to go her home.

Reason for that from my father: none of family members came to see my wife.

But actually he father came two times and he family members came for a day at hospital. Her brother stayed with me at hospital for a night.

My father expectation: why no one was there from my wife's family at the time of operation.

My logical thinking: at 6:30 PM no in cold weather with full fog everywhere how can anyone expect them to cover 1 hr distance(on normal day).

Today conflict got intense as my father was not ready to listen from others prospective.


Million of thanks to you for reading my story. How can I handle not getting a way? If you have any credible advice please suggest.

Top Comments
Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
Link Copied

I can tell you go back to place where you work.i.e Bangalore. Tell your parent you are planing to buy a house as rent is costly and if your economics and need allow then buy a house. Tell them as emi is high and you have took it on 20-25 years you can't help out for your home that much. Some times distance is best solution. As you said there was not much conflict when you used to visit for small period of time.

Super Moderator Super Moderator
Moderator
Link Copied

Shift to b'lore with your wife and baby.
Tell your parents and siblings that you've lost your job.

Ask them for financial help. They will refuse but at the same time they will stop pestering you for money.

Benevolent Benevolent
Link Copied

Leave your father. you all stay  at a rented house

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied
That's the problem man, still they are my parents. Cannot leave completely
124 Comments  |  
53 Dimers
  • Sort By
Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
Link Copied

I can tell you go back to place where you work.i.e Bangalore. Tell your parent you are planing to buy a house as rent is costly and if your economics and need allow then buy a house. Tell them as emi is high and you have took it on 20-25 years you can't help out for your home that much. Some times distance is best solution. As you said there was not much conflict when you used to visit for small period of time.

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied
Thanks man. That is one of thing I am thinking. but still question arises about when I am home. like marriage of my brother or any function at my wife's home. I have to come to my home 1st.
View 2 more replies
Benevolent Benevolent
Link Copied

Leave your father. you all stay  at a rented house

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied
That's the problem man, still they are my parents. Cannot leave completely
View 4 more replies
Generous Generous
Link Copied

Start asking him money for a "made up" situation. Once you keep saying you are short of money and want him to give you, he will leave you alone.

Community Angel Community Angel
Link Copied

Kyu ladaai karwana chahte ho bhai your advice will make situation more complicated and it's not easy to fake things like this 

View 1 more reply
Super Moderator Super Moderator
Moderator
Link Copied

Shift to b'lore with your wife and baby.
Tell your parents and siblings that you've lost your job.

Ask them for financial help. They will refuse but at the same time they will stop pestering you for money.

Benevolent Benevolent
Link Copied
Wife's family may snub him for unemployment.
View 4 more replies
Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
Link Copied

Man, leave your family and move to another city for yourself as well as your wife's sake. Our culture ask us to consider our parents as Gods but I realized rather late that our parents are not Gods but human beings just like us.Like us, they make mistakes and cannot always make the right decisions.

My situation was the same as yours. I left my hometown in 2017 with my wife accompanying me to a new, unknown city. believe me - I had less than a 1000/- bucks in my pocket when I left my home town (even though I was working full-time) but I had my education by my side, I was hardworking and honest. Struggled a lot in the new city for almost five years but ultimately made it with the help of my sister whom i can't thank enough. Now I have a house of my own, a wife and an adorable daughter and a life I always wanted to give my real family - my wife and my daughter who share my joys and pains.

My father calls me sometimes; i never did after 2017. He visited me couple of times, I never asked him to do. He has changed a lot, but I will never forget his behavior towards me. I will remain cold towards him until the end. Some may say I shouldn't be like this, but I don't care what they say. It was me who suffered. to an extent even my wife with my Dad's indifferent behviour.

You are not a kid dependent on his father anymore, you are an adult who owe to his wife. It is your duty to provide a good life to your wife and save for your children.  You owe nothing to your father. Move on.

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
Link Copied

Bro, please try to forgive your father & plz give him a chance. Afterall, time is ticking on lifeline and Forgiveness is Bliss


You only said that HE HAS CHANGED ALOT, so plz try to forgive him to see the difference.


Forgiveness transforms bitterness into a neutral feeling, or even a positive feeling, making you happier

View 2 more replies
Benevolent Benevolent
Link Copied

bdw why your father is looking up to you like this? like he expected you to be some doctor and engineer and you didn't do it? 

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied

He didn't bothered much about what he wanted me to be. But he is a business man. From his words ( why did we sent to school college n all and spent so much money on you when you cannot give us money)

View 1 more reply
Critic Critic
Link Copied

.

sadquantum

Generous Generous
Link Copied

I must say every family member is creating chaos in your house.

Very toxic environment.

We need to learn from some well mannered people like Asian countries or Southern part of India and stay calm always

Critic Critic
Link Copied

How much dowry you/your family received?

P.S: It'll help in cooling down few toxic situations 

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied

1. Open Communication with Family 

2. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your parents regarding financial matters and decision-making.

3. Support Your Wife & Focus on Your Own Family

Tech Guru Tech Guru
Link Copied
Good advice. But that's easier said than done.
Helpful Helpful
Link Copied

I am telling you this from personal experience of my family. My grandfather also has the same mentality and many a times my father thought of moving to a different place, but he couldn't bcz of mom and father sentiment(my father is their only son and he couldn't leave them). 


And now when my father is 50 years of age my grandfather is saying leave my house because it is registered on his name(even though my father bought it and built the house). My father was always a caring and kind person but after listening to that it just broke him.

What did staying with them cost to my father:

25 years of mental torture(by treating him like a dog whose has nowhere to go. If my grandpa is enemies with someone then my father shouldn't even talk to them and my grandpa is enemies with everyone. If my father earned some extra money then he decides to throw a party blowing all the money etc..)

Very little savings left(as they didn't allow my mom to work and they also stopped working plus my father also has a sister whose family comes 10 times a year and stays here for 3 to 4 months)

My mother health deteriorated by taking care of them all

Myself and my sister felt less. Bcz of grandma always shows affection for her daughter kids(my father would be happy if their family is happy but treating us lesser made ourselves and our parents sad)

What i have learnt: Grow a spine and do needs to be done for your family(yourself, wife and kids). If they have difficulty in meeting their ends meet, discuss with your brother and contribute accordingly. 

If my father had left 25 years back what would have happened now: 

He would have had good relationship with his parents and his sisters family 

His wife health wouldn't have deteriorated this much

He would have saved a lot more(bcz my mom would have worked and grandpa would also have worked)

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied

Cannot say much man. Wishing you for better future

Benevolent Benevolent
Link Copied

@drupal

Deal Captain Deal Captain
Link Copied

I love and respect my parents, yes.

But like somebody said if parents are to be considered gods, I will consider myself a god too because I'll be parent of my children.

  It's ridiculous to consider people who cause you unreasonable agony as gods. Relations should be reciprocal, it's not selfish but logical that you should leave the place where you are not respected or considered. But keep helping them in the small ways (sustenance) if they are in no position to earn their livelihood.

Hunk Hunk
Link Copied

More power to you bro. I can understand the situation as same story is going on with my cousin.

What he did was... Left everyone and took his family (wife and kid) with him to pune where he was working. He didn't even called his family members for 2 years and now they are all learned it hard way. Now a days they literally beg him to come home.

He told me that I can't let my kid and wife suffocate in that toxic environment.

This is the problem most of lower and upper middle class families are having.

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied

live a happy life in  banglore with your wife and daughter. tell ur father to  construct some rooms for rent purpose in village.

Community Angel Community Angel
Link Copied

The story you are telling is story of crores of people same to same, we blame western culture, but believe me staying with parents and siblings is worst decision any person can take, even if you cut your throat for your parents and siblings they will still remain ungrateful

Parents will always favour your younger brother you can't change them

Forget about about equal treatment of your wife and sister by your mother, impossible even 10% not possible, 

Bahu kabhi beti nahi ban sati

and saas kabhi maa nahi ban sakti

Only one solution is for you if you want peaceful and joyful life stay away from parents and don't meet them even on festivals (if you try to meet them and try to normalise relations they will give sweet gestures initially but again they will try their best to pick any random minor word/mistake/thing to fight and belittle you

Hence by staying away from them you and they both can have little love for each other, otherwise they will make your life hell and make your wife and children sick


Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
Link Copied
Two things that stood out and at-least the first one
is really concerning (to me).
I got health issue 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞
My 𝐦𝐨𝐦 started over thinking and 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞

Obviously none of us are family or even personally known to you,
nor (legally allowed aka "clinical") a clinical psychologist and/or mental health caregiver.
Thus everything comes to naught.
(Mostly everything is lip service. We cannot come to convince 👩🏻‍🦳auntyji🙇🏻‍♂️ to use appliances and even if we did come over, 👩🏻‍🦳her🙇🏻‍♂️ views, your views.. may not change.)

But (we) hope (that) these are not too critical or difficult to deal with (ailments).

took 900 thousand loan, settled it under 8 months and never told my parents.
👆🏼This👆🏼 and other things.. bring me to my second concern.
Your fiscal discipline, or rather.. THE LACK THEREOF.

I am not intending to 🐕‍🦺beach🐕 about the other Dimer (other DesiDime family member) here, but it is contextual.
The person too considers Bihar as native place.
Lived a VERY carefree life, as a teenager and young adult.
Much disconnected with the rigmarole s of the 'real world'.

🥺Looses a parent😢, gets catapulted to the real world.

Possibly shoos for an OTC (over the counter/ across the counter) PGDBM or (a so called) MBA (degree).
But still ends up as a contact centre type (aka low value add) contract labour.

And 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐫𝟒𝟎𝟐 please.. it is okay.. you do not 'need' to put 'Bihar' on the pedestal here.
(i) have seen Chinese, other Asians, Desi expats (including from our neighbouring countries) and ALL Bhartiyas too.

We all have similar idiosyncrasies.
(Just using a more polite word, baaki hum sab ka.. kahiñ na kahiñ '🧠khiska hua hai🧠')

Anyway, this other (fellow Bihari) member too held sedan cars to be 'status symbol' in that area and marriage has to be fairly flashy and honeymoon HAS TO BE at foreign locales.
And going the family way in less than three years of marriage, while still themselves on TOO shaky ground.

So anyway, 'how does it relate to me?' You ask!

Bhaisaab🙇🏻‍♂️, you are treading a just as dangerous path too. Walking the tight rope tied to Burj Khalifa's top viewing deck, without even a safety harness.

Pehle 500 thousand, phir 900 thousand!! Loan.. all for what?

Guessing this, but not professional and experienced accountant or tax planning expert was consulted before taking the 900,000 loan and prior to repayment.. to show in books (balance sheet) to limit tax liabilities and/or keep healthy balance sheet P and L.

Kal 🧔🏻‍♂️Papaji🙇🏻‍♂️ ne bola, aaj wifey ji ne bola, parso Hasbro_bro ne bola, tarso MLM ponzi scheme waaloñ ne bola.. tou loan le liya!

Anyway, that is that.
Hope your file (tax returns file) is being properly built such that even 30 years down the line, it helps keep things smooth.

Many (usually Sharia compliant) individuals or institutions would suggest we/i borrow from them without any on-paper interest charged to us.
But we always looped in multiple taxation experts or even those within the IRS (in U.S. of A) or I.T.Dept. here.


Obviously the caesarean (for the lack of more apt word) 'scam'.. the caesarean scam in India TOO was one of my first concerns, after reading your 'heart to heart' talk

but abb 'concerned' ho kar.. kya hee kar loonga maiñ! :-/

Corporate hosps., family managed (lalaji ki dukaan) clinics say:
Aapke 15 hours ke 'labour' ke liye hum.. Doctor Gayatri ka poora Sunday kaise kharaab karein.
Better hai, first time parents ko dara dou 'threat to life of baby/ mother'.
Ek ya dou vials/ injections lagwane ke liye 'consent' le lo.
Unnatural, forced 'contractions' shuru ho jaayenge.. phir .. agar threat nahiñ bhi thi.. tou ban jaayegi aur caesarean karne ka 'justification' ban gaya.

Also, unlike government managed hospitals.. where the rate of caesarean births is not even half the number of caesareans in the 'for profit' non profit private hospitals..
(unlike in sarkaari facilities) in private clinics.. they book the ancillary losses from their own pocket.

Meaning?


Meaning, patient and doctors agree for normal delivery.
Lekin 'standby' par tou 'poora' taam-jhaam (paraphernalia) rakhna padta hai.
O.T. equipment if needed, anesthesiologist on standby if needed diabetologist if needed.
Delivery normal ho gayi, tou billing bhi normal delivery ka hee karna padega.
Aur baaki sab (paraphernalia) standby cheezoñ ka kharcha (clinic/ hospital ki) jeb se.

Yes, normal deliveries too have their risks.
But the C-section.. is 'zarurat se jyada' normalised.
And jiski 'rectus sheath' cut hoti hai.. jinki rectus abdominis muscle, pyramidalis muscle damage ho jaati hein.. during caesarean procedures.. only 👩🏻they👵🏻 know better.. what they go through🥺.

Botched procedures even lead to post procedure complications.. leading up to "avoidable" death.






baaki sab tou.. jee aisa hai.. jahaan chaar bartan hotey heiñ, (tou) bajtey tou hein.

NOT trivialising your trauma.. nor saying (samay ke saath) sab theek ho jaayega.

And soooooo happy that you are at-least vocalising your health problem, you are being vulnerable.

The womenfolk (usually) have more receptive audiences in such matters.
Men, by default, are expected to 'buckle up' and 'be a man'.
Heck! Why just men, even a toddler playing with a 'doll' might be mocked or judged and be asked to play with toys meant for boys... if the toddler has genitalia dangling in the groin.


Yes, your missus WILL BE a 'convenient' scapegoat.
'hamara 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐫𝟒𝟎𝟐 tou ekdum Shravan kumar tha.. lekin jab se 👩🏻woh👩🏻 aayi hai...'

Your missus, you and those whom she confides in.. have to make peace with it, IF your folks are not open to discussing.

Speaking of which, your folks are not yet🙂 on DesiDime.
So we only have your side of the chain of events.

My own father (chartered accountant of his time and who always kept a normal office to home routine. No vices, no playing cards, no outings with friend, no extramarital, ekdum plain vanilla)...
My own father... is now such a 'whatsapp uncle', it is surprising.
Zindagi bhar, politics ka 'P' nahiñ bola hoga.. lekin abb poorey political science mein double Pf.D hein.

Okay okay wait, no personal 'trauma dumping' (for now).

But dukh tou hota hai, for 29 months the Surf Excel liquid detergent that I brought.. he did not even touch.
Would open a fresh powder detergent packet, ro avoid using the liquid kept right next to the washing machine.

But once some 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐫𝟒𝟎𝟐 and others told my folks that yes we only use liquid now.. so suddenly NOW he buys into the logic.
Dafaq dude! Mainey bhi vahi bhasha, wahi tone mein tou bola tha!

The point is, (especially now with his health concerns, aging rigid mindset) let 🧔🏻‍♂️him🙇🏻‍♂️ be.

You, others (whom he trusts/ looks up to) can try..but that is about it.
Kuch (parivartan) ho gaya, tou 'bonus' samjhna.
Else cut your losses short and it might be helpful to tone expectations down.


Baaki tou 'topical' (temporary) issues hein.
Baby ki care IS mother's responsibility so she cannot always be expected to help in domestic chores.
Mataji haath se jhaadu-poncha, kapde karti hein.. issliye 👩🏻‍🦳she🙇🏻‍♂️ does not have much time or energy left to tend to the 👧🏻baby👶🏻 or daughter-in-law.

Yeh sab tou १५-२० saal baad bhi.. gol gol raani.. itta itta paani.. hoga.

Your kids will be like, dad visited sibling in Melbourne and stayed with them for 2 months but dad (𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐫𝟒𝟎𝟐) has not come over to stay in our new home that I bought.

Speaking of home.

Reeti-riwaaz, samaaj kya kahega, emotions gaye Hyundai Grand i10 maraaney.
But till you are living in THEIR home, yes 🧔🏻‍♂️he🙇🏻‍♂️ can boss over the aesthetics of even YOUR room😁.
(Even if on-paper the funds came from your siblings or you).

If leaving the nest (creating some distance) helps set some boundaries..
then worth contemplating.

Also, confused here.. about your 'current' place of work.
As in, how long does 👩🏻she👩🏻 (missus) has to take care of the baby (mostly) by herself?
(🧔🏻‍♂️Uncleji🙇🏻‍♂️ ka 'excuse'/alibi use/prayog ho rahi hai, i feel.
First time mother hai, your missus, khud ki family mein 40 din tak ka stay tou yun bhi.. "normal" maana jaata hai.
If she does go to 'peehar', then too 👩🏻auntyji uncleji🧔🏻‍♂️ would NOT be sulking 'forever').




That nine hundred thousand (almost a million) repaid in three quarters.. is not going out of MY mind.

Hope it was in books and not cash transactions.
And without putting any lien on some insurance policy, assets or other investments.

भई🤷🏻‍♂ IDK, main ghar 'todney' ki baat nahiñ kar rahaa hoon,
but if expectations and grudges from BOTH sides are rather high..
tou phir.. ek छत chhat ke neechey re hne meiñ.. 'friction' ghatney ki sambhaavnaayein.. kam (less) hee lagti heiñ.




🎊Congo-bongo😊 for going the 👼🏻family👶🏻 way.🎉

May 💫Almighty 🛐 always✨🙌🏽 bless you with 𝐒⁶😇...
𝒔𝒖𝒌𝒐𝒐𝒏, 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊, 𝒔𝒆𝒉𝒂𝒕, 𝒔𝒂𝒇𝒆𝒕𝒚, 𝒔𝒖𝒌𝒉, 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒉𝒊 (barkat, success/progress).
(If atheist, then replace 'Almighty' with 'science'/ 'nature'/ Cosmos.)

⚠️𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠⚠️: One more unsolicited 𝘨𝘺𝘢𝘢𝘯/ advice coming in‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎𝟓‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎𝟒‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎𝟑‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎𝟐‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏ ‎𝟏‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ «too late now»
👧🏻Princess👶🏻 (since name not known).. Princess ka khud ka P.A.Number banwa kar.. khud 👧🏻unki👼🏻 bhi 'file' abhi se tayar kar leejiye.

Even if income clubbed with your income..
👧🏻unkey👶🏻 'assets' 👶🏻unki👧🏻 𝐤𝐡𝐮𝐝 𝐤𝐢 file mein, unke investments unki khud ki file mein.


Haan ji, without source of income waaloñ ko bhi P.A.Number issue ho jaata hai.

Humka bhi nahiñ n pata tha!

When 👶🏻Yashica Yadav👧🏻 was born and became the youngest person to have P.A.N. at two days old, I too asked https://linkedin.com/in/saakarsyadav her father, 'Saakar sir, 'source of income' (tou hai nahiñ)?
And Saakar gave me his typical 'gajbey C ho ka' look.
(Yes Saakar's clan is from Madhepura, so Bihari too.)
And that is when I was made aware that 'gifts' or such things too qualify as valid reasons to get P.A.N. alloted.

Bihar bola tou yaad aa gaya. Saakar sir, though Bihari by lineage, is Bambaiya by karm'bhoomi, residence.
Helpful Helpful
Link Copied


talking about health issue. being diabetic(2nd stage) at age of 28. is actually a big deal and introduced big lifestyle change.
about income tax yes I am paying on time.
My Hometown is Bihar, currently I am in Saran so took the name.
talking about my own washing machine stuff. Doctor have asked my mom to stay away from water as much as possible specially cold water.

aur rahi baat 9 lakh loan ki to income increase hua tha. in 30% tax slab now. earlier was in 10%.
Aur baat rahi other side ki to ek din mere ghar aake rehlo. lifetime yaad rahega.
View 2 more replies
Helpful Helpful
Link Copied

Very difficult situation, but as other dimers suggested, you should go back to Bangalore with wife and kid, but since you are also from IT sector, you can change your location to some cheaper city, if financial problems are there. And one more thing that I learnt from this incident, i.e. if girl's parents can ask for salary slip, we should definitely ask her full body checkup, as you mentioned she  always feel tiredness due to low haemoglobin levels.

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
Link Copied

Brother,  it is actually  mentality of the older generation especially in bihar like state. The moment girl's father asked for his salary slip, he should have sought the clarification for what purpose! Well, you cannot change the destiny.

View 1 more reply
Hunk Hunk
Link Copied
.
Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
Link Copied
🙋🏻‍♂I am IN.

Team should SUSPEND such accounts.
View 4 more replies
Deal Captain Deal Captain
Link Copied

From all the comments I can deduce only one thing, most joint families are charming only in bollywood movies

Finance Mentor Finance Mentor
Link Copied
Also fairytales maybe?
Generous Generous
Link Copied

Very matching situation for me as well.. but since last 2 year. I managed good by very strong momey flow.. i was in dlehi.. was very good relationship with family.. family always wanted me to do business in home town.. i had good life in dlehi with my wife.. then sacrasm keep coming.. you will come when we die.. or why we have made all house etc. who will take care.. then i did wrong decision shut delhi office visited hometown patna.. my wife was pragnent so i also thought good to go home now.. as take care will be good .. also business can be restarted anywhere was my father thought then i also convinced.. full 3 years i had very bad situation.. financial issue and no support and at home saas bahu.. etc.. even my new born son struggle for even milk. .. but over time i come out of bad financial situation.. now everything is good.. that 3 years gave me lesson.. baap bada na bhaiya sabse bada rupaya.. relationship can be bad if you have money issue.. can be very good if you spend enough.

Finance Mentor Finance Mentor
Link Copied
yeah... even bitcoins do work i guess? not into crypto though...
Helpful Helpful
Link Copied

My friend still work from home  in IT field but still he is not  staying wid his parents ...

Just because of peace of mind...

Generous Generous
Link Copied

Ego clash happens in family.. patience is cure.. dad will be dad.. mom has soft corner but after marriage it is tuff you favour your wife fir anything.. even she is on good side.. i guess most of old family in same situation.. even my mother had bad relationship with her saas. Father akways decision maker in most family.. family never asked for my money.. but didnt support also in bad time.. but end is good so better maintain good relationship for future without going in past.. when i have enough money my wife also get good value in home.. ab to khud ka plot bhi le liya hai.. so ab wo tana bhi nahi aayega.. nikal jao mere ghar se.. rofl.. currently i am happy family.. dont want go in past.. neither any grudge.. all bcz i have money 🤑.. can buy good relationship..with family or relatives xd

Generous Generous
Link Copied

All i will say never abondon ur parents.. think how they gave time on you when you were nothing.. struggle is normal in middle class..lado jhagdo argue karo. but  at end they are yours..abhi main apne bache ko paal raha . Kya kya jatan jhelna padta hai parents ko i understand.. bade ho kar rude behave karega to bura lagta hai.. yes they arent god.. but for you god a like.kamiya sabme hain.. kamiyo ko bhul kar dekhna hota hai.. kabhi kabhi unke jagah khud ko rakh kar dekhne par scene jyad clear hota hai.. heat of moment me bhi baap ko baap hi rahne dena..ho sake ek baar baith kar baat kar lena.. papa se.. all situation..its hard in situation.. but better to talk than making mire issue..

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied
I went asked politely to my father. What is problem why are you not allowing her to go her home. and He replied rudely why are you coming in between. you are donkey n all etc etc. don't remember what are all things he told me. My wife was asking for permissions directly from my father so that she can go home. My father is not ready to talk with any guardian from my wife's family. Not picking up their phone. same for my mom. which other way I can try which will not turn into heated argument.
View 4 more replies
Tech Guru Tech Guru
Link Copied

My wife wanted to go her home(her mother has passed away long ago) as there many people to hold/entertain our daughter but my parents are not allowing her to go her home.

She needs to see her family too. This is pure torture. I can relate to these things. Your parents have no rights to forbid your wife to see her own parents. 

Hunk Hunk
Link Copied
@Rohitagent007 what's wrong in asking for Salary Slip? A lot of scams going around and A father has every right to know the financial condition of the guy to whom he is going to marry his daughter.  
Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
Link Copied

There are other ways to find the genuineness. Honestly, Asking for salary slip is kinda absurd for me! Instead you can give surprise visit at your son-in-law office's premises later in the evening. Most of the companies follow the rule of conduct for outsiders but with some clause. One of my family relatives ( mama, 8 years older than me )  reached to my office out of nowhere 😕. Surprisingly, security personnel allowed him to wait at the visitors area. He had some conversation with my seniors about my introvert stuffs. 💀💀💀💀 

Edit : kuch Jada he bhavnao mey kho gya 😂😂  sorry for that

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
Link Copied

I know few slow poisoning tricks.

No lab in India can track it down.

Op If you want you I can help u for free.

But as this will lead to negative karma [in life] and this mahapaap will be passed on to your future generation also. I will not suggest it.

Rest my advice, Silence and Keeping Distance is the best medicine.

God is watching everything.

All dues will paid in due time.

Helpful Helpful
Link Copied
Man I needed advice to normalise everything in any possible way.
Whatever you are talking is not at all what I asked for. They are my parents. They have raised me and I am grateful for that.
Honestly speaking I just want everyone here to be happy but not on sacrificing anyone else happiness
View 3 more replies
Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
Link Copied

1. Sit for once together and vent yourself out. 

2. Clearly ask them what's in their mind? Tell your father clearly the issues you have with him and tell him either you listen today or you will no longer stay in his house. That's the only way. When you are too coward and shareef people take you for a fool and force their decisions upon you.

3. Refuse clearly.. if you are not comfortable in taking loans and tell you will not take it for the sake of peace of mind. Tell them how you are trying your best to earn and do your part for the family and importance of savings and you would love to contribute happily when it will be possible for you.

4. Alternate.. look for a transfer of job and shift to other city.

Community Angel Community Angel
Link Copied

Nothing will work except no 4

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
Link Copied

Brother, your situation is too much complicated, better to move to your workplace city with your wife and child. It looks like your younger brother is more sensible and conscious in the family, I'm 100% sure that he'll manage it. Just move on and start new life and don't dare to look back again. I'm kinda disappointed to see the downfall of joint family concept in india ( thanks to the western influence and some pi-ka-CHU relative advices ). 


( Off topic for singles like me )

Lessons learnt : will remain single forever, never disclose your income details with anyone ( not even with parents if they are earning decent ), parents will always favour your younger brother no matter what (I'm in the same boat),  don't visit your home often ( I barely visit it like 3 or 4 years gap ), my younger brother is the Chirag of my parents,  literally they'll do anything for him so i stopped paying attention on  my parents as my brother will take care of them at the end of a day. 

I guess I'll move to the himalayas and will never come back to this toxic society again. I just want to live alone far far away from humans civilization on the mountains. My life sucks literally every month some strange people calls me for marriage. I'm enjoying my freedom, I've my own apartment, my own car and i just love my own company, listen to old 90s Japanese songs in the middle of night. On weekends, I sleep all day. I love cooking so I cannot rely on outside cafeteria anymore. Bought the washing machine for clothes cleaning, Bought the dish washer for utensils cleaning. This is the freedom i always wanted to get with some perks ( you'll save a lot, i mean no child education fees ). 😅😅

Tech Guru Tech Guru
Link Copied

Please don't get wrong ideas because other people suffered from something. 🙂

View 1 more reply
replyuser
Click here to reply
Reply