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Am I a coward?

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NobiNobita
Respected Dimers! Yesterday while I was driving my bike with my friend on the back an auto took a U turn.  Little behind the auto a person on his bike standing at the centre of the road to turn. After the auto cleared from my path I didn't realise him and tried to apply both brakes. But unfortunately I hit him straight which made him fall down and his bike above him. My speed was like 35-40. Since mine was not a disk brake, it didn't stop immediately which led to the accident. My friend got down and lifted him who was slightly drunk. Thank God he is not injured. Had only little scratches on his elbow. He seemed like 24-27 years old came right to me and slapped me twice scolding "Bastard don't you have eyes" for which I apologised and replied that the mistake was mine and didn't see him since there was an auto.
    
    Suddenly the local people came and calmed the situation and we left the  scene. This is the first time something terrible like this happened in my life. While explaining this to one of my friends he said if I had a large physique he wouldn't have laid hands on you and insisted that I should have slapped him back. Before telling him what happened I too thought the same but later felt that it would have caused unnecessary issues. Another friend who sat behind me asked what I would have done if the same thing happened if you're traveling with your wife or lover for which I replied that I would've done the same.

  I added that even if the mistake is with the others I will apologize for sorting things out. I'm an introvert with a little circle of friends. I don't want to be involved even in small arguments or violence. He added that no girl will like this kind of person (they are not toxic friends though) and that I should hit him back. This made me feel terribly low about myself but I can console myself that I avoided the problem spreading further by keeping calm. I too was like the rugged boy type while studying middle school but completely changed myself during higher studies and even avoided speaking bad words.

This isn't gonna change anything but did I become a coward ? Should I slapped him back without worrying further?
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Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted about the situation and the advice you received from your friends. However, let's consider a few important points to help you reflect on your actions and feelings:

1. Safety and Non-Violence: By staying calm and apologizing, you de-escalated a potentially volatile situation. This is a mature and responsible approach, especially given the circumstances where physical retaliation could have led to more serious consequences for everyone involved.

2. Personal Integrity: Your choice to admit fault and apologize, even after being slapped, shows integrity and self-control. It reflects your values of avoiding violence and resolving conflicts peacefully.

3. Different Perspectives: Your friends have their perspectives, but it's important to remember that their advice might be influenced by societal expectations or their own experiences. Reacting with violence, as some might suggest, could have complicated the situation further and possibly involved legal consequences.

4. Self-Respect and Assertiveness: Avoiding violence doesn't mean you're a coward. It shows strength to maintain composure under pressure. If you feel the need to work on assertiveness, it can be done without resorting to physical confrontation. Learning how to set boundaries and stand up for yourself verbally is equally important.

5. Social Expectations: The idea that no girl would like a non-violent person is a harmful stereotype. Many people appreciate and respect partners who handle situations with calmness and maturity rather than aggression.

6. Reflecting on Changes: It's clear you've undergone significant personal growth since your middle school days. Embracing peaceful conflict resolution and avoiding unnecessary arguments or violence are positive changes that contribute to your well-being and the safety of those around you.

To conclude, you did not become a coward. You acted in a way that prevented further harm and conflict, which is commendable. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, maintaining your composure and seeking peaceful solutions will continue to be the right approach. If you feel the need to improve your assertiveness, there are constructive ways to do so, such as communication skills training or assertiveness workshops.

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted about the situation and the advice you received from your friends. However, let's consider a few important points to help you reflect on your actions and feelings:

1. Safety and Non-Violence: By staying calm and apologizing, you de-escalated a potentially volatile situation. This is a mature and responsible approach, especially given the circumstances where physical retaliation could have led to more serious consequences for everyone involved.

2. Personal Integrity: Your choice to admit fault and apologize, even after being slapped, shows integrity and self-control. It reflects your values of avoiding violence and resolving conflicts peacefully.

3. Different Perspectives: Your friends have their perspectives, but it's important to remember that their advice might be influenced by societal expectations or their own experiences. Reacting with violence, as some might suggest, could have complicated the situation further and possibly involved legal consequences.

4. Self-Respect and Assertiveness: Avoiding violence doesn't mean you're a coward. It shows strength to maintain composure under pressure. If you feel the need to work on assertiveness, it can be done without resorting to physical confrontation. Learning how to set boundaries and stand up for yourself verbally is equally important.

5. Social Expectations: The idea that no girl would like a non-violent person is a harmful stereotype. Many people appreciate and respect partners who handle situations with calmness and maturity rather than aggression.

6. Reflecting on Changes: It's clear you've undergone significant personal growth since your middle school days. Embracing peaceful conflict resolution and avoiding unnecessary arguments or violence are positive changes that contribute to your well-being and the safety of those around you.

To conclude, you did not become a coward. You acted in a way that prevented further harm and conflict, which is commendable. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, maintaining your composure and seeking peaceful solutions will continue to be the right approach. If you feel the need to improve your assertiveness, there are constructive ways to do so, such as communication skills training or assertiveness workshops.

Pro Tech Guru Pro Tech Guru
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GPT

Blaze Blaze
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@NobiNobita One requires inner strength to stay calm when the other person is in rage. You definitely have a lot of it. plus1

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Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted about the situation and the advice you received from your friends. However, let's consider a few important points to help you reflect on your actions and feelings:

1. Safety and Non-Violence: By staying calm and apologizing, you de-escalated a potentially volatile situation. This is a mature and responsible approach, especially given the circumstances where physical retaliation could have led to more serious consequences for everyone involved.

2. Personal Integrity: Your choice to admit fault and apologize, even after being slapped, shows integrity and self-control. It reflects your values of avoiding violence and resolving conflicts peacefully.

3. Different Perspectives: Your friends have their perspectives, but it's important to remember that their advice might be influenced by societal expectations or their own experiences. Reacting with violence, as some might suggest, could have complicated the situation further and possibly involved legal consequences.

4. Self-Respect and Assertiveness: Avoiding violence doesn't mean you're a coward. It shows strength to maintain composure under pressure. If you feel the need to work on assertiveness, it can be done without resorting to physical confrontation. Learning how to set boundaries and stand up for yourself verbally is equally important.

5. Social Expectations: The idea that no girl would like a non-violent person is a harmful stereotype. Many people appreciate and respect partners who handle situations with calmness and maturity rather than aggression.

6. Reflecting on Changes: It's clear you've undergone significant personal growth since your middle school days. Embracing peaceful conflict resolution and avoiding unnecessary arguments or violence are positive changes that contribute to your well-being and the safety of those around you.

To conclude, you did not become a coward. You acted in a way that prevented further harm and conflict, which is commendable. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, maintaining your composure and seeking peaceful solutions will continue to be the right approach. If you feel the need to improve your assertiveness, there are constructive ways to do so, such as communication skills training or assertiveness workshops.

Pro Tech Guru Pro Tech Guru
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GPT

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Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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What if you hit him back and he has a gun?
I am from Gurgaon and have been in Noida for a long time to say this that it is okay to not get into conflict unless it is really required. The guy was under substance abuse so you can't really know what he can do. Best is to let the mob take the charge.

Benevolent Benevolent
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Benevolent Benevolent
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One of our neighbour got in to fight and the other guy hit him with a rod. He is in paralysis from 10 years.  

Critic Critic
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What happened to the person who hit him?

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Blaze Blaze
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@NobiNobita One requires inner strength to stay calm when the other person is in rage. You definitely have a lot of it. plus1

Benevolent Benevolent
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road rage is very dangerous. but slapping other person is not good.

similar has happened with me, i was driving car and due to my negligence my car hit the card side to me and both our bupmers got minor scratches. I even try to escape but the other car followed me stopped me in a filmy style.

as expected he started abusive language, initially i remained in my car only. but I had to get out and apologize to him.
but he snatched my shirt and tried to take my car key.. which pissed me off.
so i pushed him so hard he almost fell into a naala near by and abused him in Punjabi.

after that scene got escalated and lot people joined the party. and after wasting 1 hour i paid 1500 and left the scene.

i learnt 2 things that day : never drive rash and never take shit from anyone. Coz if i would have kept saying sorry even after he grabbed my shirt he would have beaten me or even robbed me.

But my aggression could have been backfired also.

So it depends on the situation to situation.

I would suggest you to take it in a positive way and start working on yourself.
Pro Community Angel Pro Community Angel
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Just a query, why didn't call police immediately in such case ?

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Specialist Specialist
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Your Safety  is more important than your ego.

If you are safe you may get more chances to restore ego , not otherwise

If  being a zero  helps be that else be a hero

Deal Lieutenant Deal Lieutenant
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Great job staying calm, OP.

We know you must be shocked and might be thinking about revenge or blaming yourself for not hitting back.

But trust me, what you did was brave.

People are becoming very aggressive these days, and you never know what they might have on them, like a knife, which could have hurt you badly.

He might be a thug, have connections with political parties, or have nothing to lose. In any of these cases, you and your family would have suffered a lot.

Always stay calm and try to say sorry first. Alpha and sigma males might look good in Reels, but not in real life.


Work on your physique and strength so that others think twice before messing with you.


There's no need to be offensive; always try to calm the situation with strangers.


In the end, always remember: Wise men fight in court, not on the streets.
Pro Community Angel Pro Community Angel
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Ego - Wego doesn't matter, so exclude that part .

Once you are in such situation , analyse your odds. Ask following questions - 

1) Can I physically (without any party having any weapons) tackle this guy . If No, exit immediately . 

Else , move on to next point.

2) Does he seem to have a weapon ( if the other person is on bike then it's easier to identify , a car usually always has some hidden weapons ).

If yes, exit immediately even if you feel you can handle it .

If no , call the police if you feel that's required or otherwise handle the situation yourself since you have upper hand physically (this doesn't mean exploiting the other person , it could also means apologizing if fault is yours).

Crux, don't engage with anyone physically superior to you .
Don't engage with anyone having even smallest of weapon (even a sharp bracelet can be dangerous ).
Don't take out any weapon that you have unless you are confident in using it.

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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DP checks out. Androgame analysing 14,000,605 timelines and taking best option.

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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There in no honor in taking a revenge or beating a person seeing he/she is week .

What you did is commendable , accepting your mistake and staying calm. We daily see too many road rages and you would  have also ended being one of them, if you might have lost your temper.

It was a good decision on your behalf , for you and your loved ones.

Cool Cool
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As simple as that, If you were a coward you wouldn't have posted this thread.

Deal Captain Deal Captain
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You did right, don't think and curse yourself. People will suggest u would have done this and that.

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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You're coward: Not because you did the right thing but because, you're asking for someone else's validation for the right act done by you.

No need for validations brother. If in your heart you know that You did the right thing, other's opinion doesn't matter. You just need to tell this to yourself.

And it applies to my remark also.

Deal Captain Deal Captain
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Beta, Gandhiji ne kaha tha ki koi thappad maare toh dusra gal age kardo. Lekin usne pehle hi 2 thappad maar diye toh yeh situation ek mystery hain or iska answer Sirf aap hi khoj sakte hain.

Aap chahe toh apni Bike ka naam Porsche Pocha rakhkar, usko Puri tarah hawa me uda kar, 200 line ka essay likhkar, chale Jaa sakte hain !

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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What if he would have filled a police complaint and you will be arrested by police ?

So what happened was not right but it was less Worst. 

So don't think much about it. 

Life badi hai aisi cheeze hoti rahti hai. 

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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One thing you said: 

* "I too was like the rugged boy type while studying middle school but completely changed myself during higher studies and even avoided speaking bad words".

* And it reminded me of my 11th-12th, where I was almost a bully and used to take things head on. Somehow I changed during college and job to complete opposite where I avoid confrontation, never do bad things(to anyone), religious etc.

* And you would think it would make things better... But it has opposite effect somehow idk. I have been suffering, now I get bullied from life, when you can't do bad, every decision starts to become struggle(you can't take opportunities which clearly harm others).

* I enjoyed my best time in 11th-12th. It's been 10+yrs and it's downhill only. Feel like losing luck and mental strength as well(growing old faster).

* I have been in even worse situation and cops told me better you stayed calm and was left to live. Can't tell them I have been weakened to the core that I can't even protect myself(or my dear ones, I'll beg first mostly to leave us alone).

* Sorry for ranting on your post, idk what's right myself but I feel going good didn't get me on good side of karma and had it much better earlier when didn't believe in karma/god/do-good etc. 

Super Stud Super Stud
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Avoid road rage as much as possible even if you're not wrong

Road rage is a dangerous & destructive behavior that can have serious consequences for drivers & others on the road.

Stay calm & avoid getting agitated.

You never know what the other person is carrying  PS. ( जमाना खराब है आजकल ..... हाथ जोड़ लो वो भी एक नहीं 2-2 बार .... इंसानों का टोलरेंस लेवल माइनस में चला गया है आजकल..... छोटी छोटी बातों पर भी मर्डर होने लगे है रोड रेजेस में ..... बस ये ध्यान में रखो की घर में तुम्हारी एक फैमिली है जो तुम्हारा wait कर रही है....!!

Rule #32 Enjoy the Little Things…

Talk-Of-The-Town Talk-Of-The-Town
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Leave the country asap.

Savings Mentor Savings Mentor
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No you are not a coward - basically what  @abhishekjain (GPT) said. smile Anyway that guy whom you hit was slightly DRUNK you said? Then you should comfort yourself that partly the mistake was his too. And, you should be glad that despite such an incident, you escaped relatively unharmed. In such cases, people inevitably sympathize and side with the "victim" (the one who got hit even though sometimes the mistake may be theirs especially if they're drunk). People will usually attack the person who hit, not the one who got hit, and cops will also side with the person who got hit unless there is strong evidence he was drunk and CCTVs show you were driving very safely.

So while you may be a bit shaken up, don't think too much about it - just a lesson learned in life. Also, if both people are hot headed, things can escalate to fatal violence very easily so be glad that you are one of the calm composed ones.

Generous Generous
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yes

Brand Enthusiast Brand Enthusiast
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Did you sleep that night peacefully?

Like Magnet Like Magnet
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I was in a dilemma bro whether I should have reacted to that situation or not and my friends added fuel to it but I slowly pointed out what would have happened if I hit him back. I can't go anywhere peacefully fearing what if he comes with his guys, what if other guys joined him while hitting me back. I am cent percent sure it would have made it even worse. Finally came to a conclusion that what I did was right.

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Tech Guru Tech Guru
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Don't be a Gandhi. If someone hits you then you hit back

Tech Guru Tech Guru
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You are not a coward. 

Deal Brigadier Deal Brigadier
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bro bhul jao itna deeply nhi socho life h hota h ignore.

Post Mogul Post Mogul
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I agree with everyone.

You're not a coward, you're not spontaneous. And you're wise beyond your years to apologize to get it over with even if fault is not yours alone not yours at all.

That takes qualities very few have nowadays.

Now I know your friends mean well, and what they're saying isn't completely wrong either about women. Women like men can be unpredictable, some may take offence and consider you meek and may lose respect for you (this would be out of fear that if hell breaks you won't be able to protect her) or they may appreciate your maturity.

From their reaction I can guess they found girls in their life who reacted out of safety concerns, probably derided them or someone they know.

Real secure women (they're as rare as you) will appreciate you more.


But what do I know, you do you bro.

Being an introvert myself I can't make out what the other person wants or can do

you did what you thought was right in the moment. You can split any which ways later, but in the moment you protected yourself, the other drunk fellow and you finished it off with the path of least resistance, so that's very cool plus1🏻

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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Literally me introvert 😞 

Comrade Comrade
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Belive in yourself... Not by others comments. I think you did the right thing to applogise and de escalate the situation... It not coward bro.. Its sensible act.

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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My views are slightly different from others so plz pardon me if I offend anyone.

First of all as you wrote that guy was standing and you directly hit him, it could have injured him badly and consequences could have been worse so be happy that nothing like that happened. Accept your mistake.

You are definitely not a coward and you did the right thing not slapping him back as it would have only escalated the matter.

Just ignore it as such petty things are common in life and ignoring them is life.

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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Forget it brother , always remember we only have one precious life , these small conflicts can lead to anything , remember some people have nothing to lose , but you have your whole life , family and ambitions. Its not a bollywood movie and you are not a larger than life hero , i read in newspaper everyday about murders in road rage , small conflicts. While you may feel coward at this point, just remember every fight in life is not about hitting someone physically, there are much more complex fights you will have to do in life , save yourself for those.

Benevolent Benevolent
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Its great to be calm in those situations, being aggressive natural animal behavior.

I hope you would pardon in case you are in his situation.

Now a days simple petty issues escalate in moments and bring unimaginable consequences, people are crazy, so better be cool and avoid for our family waiting at home

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