How to Give a Meaningful “Thank You”
Mark Goulston
The Harvard Business Review

Forget the empty platitudes; your star employee is not a “godsend.” They are a person deserving of your not infrequent acknowledgment and worthy of appreciation and respect. When was the last time you thanked them — really thanked them?

In my line of work, I frequently communicate with CEOs and their executive assistants, and nowhere is the need for gratitude more clear.

After one CEO’s assistant had been particularly helpful, I replied to her email with a grateful, “I hope your company and your boss know and let you know how valuable and special you are.”

She emailed back, “You don’t know how much your email meant to me.” It made me wonder — when was the last time her boss had thanked her?

This happens frequently. For instance, a few years ago, I was trying to get in touch with one of the world’s most well-known CEOs about an article. His assistant had done a great and friendly job of gatekeeping. So when I wrote to her boss, I included this: “When I get to be rich, I’m going to hire someone like your assistant — to protect me from people like me. She was helpful, friendly, feisty vs. boring and yet guarded access to you like a loyal pit bull. If she doesn’t know how valuable she is to you, you are making a big managerial mistake and YOU should know better.”

A week later I called his assistant, and said, “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m just following up on a letter and article I sent to your boss to see if he received it.”

His assistant replied warmly, “Of course I remember you Dr. Mark. About your letter and article. I sent him the article, but not your cover letter.”

I thought, “Uh, oh! I messed up.” Haltingly, I asked why.

She responded with the delight of someone who had just served an ace in a tennis match: “I didn’t send it to him, I read it to him over the phone.”

Needless to say, that assistant and I have remained friends ever since.

Yes, CEOs are under pressure from all sides and executives have all sorts of people pushing and pulling at them. But too often, they begin to view and treat their teams, and especially their assistants, as appliances. And a good assistant knows that the last thing their boss wants to hear from them is a personal complaint about anything. Those assistants are often paid well, and most of their bosses — especially the executives to which numbers, results, ROI and money means everything — believe that great payment and benefits should be enough.

What these executives fail to realize is that many of those assistants are sacrificing their personal lives, intimate relationships, even their children (because the executive is often their biggest child).

There will always be people who think that money and benefits and even just having a job should be thanks enough. There are also those that think they do a great job without anyone having to thank them. But study after study has shown that no one is immune from the motivating effects of acknowledgement and thanks. In fact, research by Adam Grant and Francesca Gino has shown that saying thank you not only results in reciprocal generosity — where the thanked person is more likely to help the thanker — but stimulates prosocial behavior in general. In other words, saying “thanks” increases the likelihood your employee will not only help you, but help someone else.

Here’s a case in point: at one national law firm, the Los Angeles office instilled the routine of Partners earnestly and specifically saying, “Thank you,” to staff and associates and even each other. Everyone in the firm began to work longer hours for less money — and burnout all but disappeared.

Whether it’s your executive assistant, the workhorse on your team, or — they exist! — a boss who always goes the extra mile for you, the hardest working people in your life almost certainly don’t hear “thank you” enough. Or when they do, it’s a too-brief “Tks!” via email.

So take action now. Give that person what I call a Power Thank You. This has three parts:

1. Thank them for something they specifically did that was above the call of duty. For instance, “Joe, thanks for working over that three-day weekend to make our presentation deck perfect. Because of it, we won the client.”
2. Acknowledge to them the effort (or personal sacrifice) that they made in doing the above. “I realize how important your family is to you, and that working on this cost you the time you’d planned to spend with your daughters. And yet you did it without griping or complaining. Your dedication motivated everyone else on the team to make the presentation excellent.”
3. Tell them what it personally meant to you. “You know that, rightly or wrongly, we are very much judged on our results and you were largely responsible for helping me achieve one that will cause my next performance review to be ‘over the moon,’ just like yours is going to be. You’re the best!”

If the person you’re thanking looks shocked or even a little misty-eyed, don’t be surprised. It just means that your gratitude has been a tad overdue.

Crisis acts as a tonic for success
The Business Line

The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis’.
One stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity.

In today’s competitive world, crisis is the new normal. There is hardly any CEO who doesn’t confront a full-blown business crisis at least once in his tenure, if not more. In fact, leadership and crisis are two sides of the same coin. What distinguishes the industry leader from others in such troubled times is the ability to admit what went wrong, learn lessons with humility, take immediate corrective measures and bounce back much stronger.

The most critical thing a leader can do in a crisis is to communicate clearly and honestly, because a business passing through a crisis is first tried in the court of public opinion. Instead of digging in one’s heels, saying nothing and hoping that the storm will blow over, effective leaders don’t shy away from admitting with full humility the mistakes made and reassuring everyone that they are taking measures to not allow these to recur again.

Tell the truth

There is a saying: To solve a problem, you have to first admit there is a problem. You cannot overcome a crisis if you don’t acknowledge its existence! The display of honesty and sincerity in a crisis boosts a business’ reputation and renews the consumers’ trust and goodwill in the brand. I believe the business leader needs to tell the truth, nothing but the truth, and tell it fast to all stakeholders, including employees.

Take the case of Toyota. The global automaker in 2010 apologised to the US Congress and American Toyota owners for safety problems in its vehicles and reassured everyone that it will do everything in its power to ensure such problems never happen again. No doubt, the brand took a beating, but the company worked hard and, earlier this year, Toyota regained its slot as the world’s biggest vehicle maker.

To successfully steer a company through a crisis is not just a business need. A company is a living entity, embodying the collective energies of its employees and various stakeholders. The corporate leadership owes it to them to fulfil their aspirations, protect and grow their investments, provide genuine value to customers and make people’s lives better, thus contributing to the progress of human race.

A crisis can hit a business when the leadership least expects it, threatening the reputation and health of a brand and creating turmoil among stakeholders. And if you are the flag bearer of the industry and an acclaimed global player, the challenges and pressures are multi-fold. I believe the trick is not to panic but to seize the moment, stand firm and act quickly. A business built on a bed-rock of strong values, professionalism and integrity can weather any storm and will sooner or later find the world rallying behind it. A good leader must have this conviction. Steve Jobs certainly had it. Apple, in its history, made many sharp U-turns from the edge and revived its sagging fortunes after every crisis through its founder’s vision and a slew of trail-blazing, smart products. It is a case study of how every crisis can be an opportunity to reinvent the business from the ground up and take it to a higher trajectory through innovation and a finger on the pulse of consumers.

I believe that difficult times teach a business leader much more than what corporate success can. A crisis may demand a drastic change in the way a business operates or a reassessment of the fundamental presumptions that underlie it, but the churning it triggers offers the opportunity for an evolutionary leap.

Weathering the storm

This is something we experienced first-hand at Ranbaxy. We used learnings from our recent crisis to make way for a New Ranbaxy. In all humility, we acknowledged our shortcomings of the past, communicated with all stakeholders in a transparent manner and are making sincere, all-out efforts to ensure the issues that led to the situation never occur again in the company. Industry leaders not only have to set new benchmarks in terms of business performance, but also show the world how good ethical conduct and a character, based on higher values, make companies stronger to tide over difficult periods.

Good leaders are transparent, honest and inclusive, and know how to take people along. These principles are at the core of New Ranbaxy and we follow them in letter and spirit.

John F. Kennedy once noted that the Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis’. One stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity.

“In a crisis, be aware of the danger — but recognise the opportunity,” he said. That I think is the best advice for a business leader trying to weather a storm. A crisis is an opportunity for course-correction and must be used as fertiliser for success. We need to have faith in ourselves and remember that a business can bear any crisis except the crisis of confidence.

Decision making: Nothing esoteric, please!
The Business Standard

What do Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, a serial entrepreneur, a CEO of a Fortune 500 company and a homemaker have in common? All of them have to make big and small decisions on a daily basis. Now, one may argue the importance of doing things differently for effective decision making. But the trick is to see things differently and for what they really are. The Art of Thinking Clearly by Rolf Dobelli and The Proactive Leader by David De Cremer recommend this approach by examining the intricacies of various decision-making moments. What’s interesting is how both authors have addressed different target groups. While Mr Cremer talks about the problem of “procrastination” in leaders, Mr Dobelli deals with fallacies made by people.

The Proactive Leader belongs to the “how to” genre of leadership books. The author offers prescriptive methods to grapple with leadership challenges; he aggregates the solutions in a table after explaining each challenge. This gets boring once you are halfway through the book. That said, the author has convincingly managed to establish that if procrastination in leaders is ignored for long, it can turn into an addiction. He describes how the ability to regulate one’s emotions can encourage positive and timely decision making.

One of the more absorbing pages in the book is where he shows how “inaction inertia” (not taking a decision when you have missed a similar but better opportunity in the past) can lead to procrastination. Interestingly, Mr Cremer has made an unusual effort to explain how power distance in various cultures can lead to procrastination. Since societies are not entirely equal, power gaps exist between people, groups and companies. Additionally, cultures differ in terms of the extent to which individuals pursue their own interests. All this, he says, contributes to acts of procrastination.

In the chapter titled “The consequences of delaying decisions”, the author paints somewhat lurid scenarios of how procrastination can trigger or aggravate physical and mental health problems such as stress, alcoholism and depression. We have not seen something similar in India, not even with our elderly politicians who seem to thrive on procrastinating in policy-related matters. In the last few pages, Mr Cremer challenges his own thinking by examining the proposition that procrastination can be a good thing. After toying with the idea in a few lines, he gives up.

Although the book follows the simplistic problem-solving template so beloved by business book authors, interesting observations and a tight narrative structure make this book worth reading.

The Art of Thinking Clearly consists of 100 two-page chapters. You can open any of these chapters without paying heed to page sequence and start reading. Such smart narrative creates the right hook for modern readers, many of whom have low attention spans.

Interestingly, Mr Dobelli has reconstructed familiar concepts from sociology and applied these to the contemporary business environment. For instance, the “herd instinct”, which makes an individual feel he is behaving correctly when he apes others, has become “social proof”. Next, in a chapter titled “Story bias”, the author criticises our overdependence on stories. He explains this with examples such as how journalists prioritise entertaining side issues and background stories while reporting. Readers fall for this because they like patterns that can be easily followed. In one of the chapters, the author introduces “neglect of probability”. He establishes that we respond to the expected magnitude of an event, but not to its likelihood. The 1958 amendment to the US food law prohibits food that contains carcinogenic substances. Now, such a law can never be fully enforced since it is impossible to remove the last cancer-causing molecule from food. Mr Dobelli recalls studies that show how people are as afraid of a 99 per cent chance of food contamination as they are of a one per cent chance – irrational but true.

Another fallacy the author elaborates is “loss aversion”, which shows that, emotionally, a loss weighs about twice a similar gain. In fact, what Mr Dobelli says can work wonders as advertising strategy. In one of its TV commercials, HUL’s water purifier brand Pureit claims that three LPG cylinders are wasted in many Indian households to meet a year’s supply of drinking water.

The author has also attacked economists, journalists and doctors for fuelling fallacies like “base-rate neglect” and “halo effect”. On a light-hearted note, he has talked about a “forecast fund” to prevent enthusiastic economists from making incorrect predictions. According to Mr Dobelli, understanding all these fallacies can lead to informed decision making. This can happen only when one is willing to shift frameworks handed down by various institutions. Since “thinking is tiring”, according to the author, the best way forward is to get the right mix of intuitive decisions and rational thinking.

Achieving Professional Excellence
P Vijaya Bhaskar,

‘Profession’ and ‘Excellence’

(a) Profession:

Post the industrial revolution, there has been a knowledge explosion which led to an exponential increase in the number of professions. In fact, we are living in exponential times. The world’s knowledge is increasing at exponential rates, as is our technology. In the history of mankind, it is widely acknowledged that the explosion of knowledge in the last 200 years is unprecedented. A profession, as we are all well aware, is an occupation especially one that involves knowledge and training in a branch of advanced learning like your profession – secretarial practice.

(b) Excellence:

It is a truism that “Excellence is a journey not a destination”. Pursuit of professional excellence, as such, is a life long continuous journey. Such professional excellence is essentially a subset of Human Excellence.

Bhagavad Gita talks about “Yogah Karmasu Kaushalam” – Yoga is excellence at work. This verse advises us to perform our allocated duty in an excellent manner. Kaushalam signifies doing work with devotion and without attachment. Such detached attitude enhances its values and improves the concentration and skill of the individual concerned.

Swamy Vivekananda’s golden words on Excellence, whose 150th birth anniversary we are celebrating this year, are not only worth committing to memory by all of us but are worthy of emulation, if we are serious enough, about achieving ‘Excellence’ in our lives and profession. He says – “In the little things that you do, un-observed by anybody else, if you are excellent, then you are truly excellent. When people are watching and praising you and you do well that is not the true test of excellence. Nobody is watching you, what you do in the most private aspect of your life, there if you are excellent, you will be excellent everywhere.”

Swamy Vivekananda has also talked about the essential ingredients for achieving Human Excellence. He particularly emphasises on Atma Shraddha– Self confidence i.e. having faith in oneself– which brings out the best out of us and a sense of honour and self-respect. If we work with such self-confidence, we put our heart and soul in whatever tasks we undertake. It’s only soulful work which becomes excellent. Wherever there is no sense of honour, personal worth and dignity, one’s work becomes sloppy and slipshod. Professionals need to especially remember this all through. Following Atma Shraddha, the other ingredients for achieving Human Excellence are knowledge, responsibility, love and concern for others, as expounded by Swamy Vivekananda.

Other Essentials of Human Excellence

At a technical level, human excellence is achieved when there is a harmonious blend of Intelligence, Emotional and Spiritual Quotients (IQ, EQ and SQ respectively).

IQ represents material capital reflected in rational intelligence and concerned about “What I think”?

EQ represents social capital reflected in emotional intelligence and concerned about “What I feel”? The level of EQ determines how one handles relationships. In a profession, EQ is most important because it’s all about handling relationships with one’s clients, peers, professional associations, regulators and the society around.

SQ represents spiritual capital reflected in spiritual intelligence and concerned about “What I am”?

Physiologically, left brain is used for IQ (thinking – serial processing) while right brain is used for EQ (feeling – parallel processing). Given its expansive and all encompassing nature, the whole brain is pressed into service for SQ (about “being” – synchronous processing).

The above can also be grouped as hard and soft skills. As a general rule, hard skills are relatively easy to acquire; while soft skills are hard to come by.

In other words, Human Excellence calls for qualities of both the head and the heart.

Essentials of Professional Excellence

Knowledge, skills and management of conflicts of interest are the three most essential ingredients of Professional Excellence. Professional Excellence predominantly calls for both personal competence (How we manage ourselves!) and social competence (How we manage relationships!).

(a) Knowledge

On the knowledge front, adequate care is being taken, particularly by professional bodies such as yours. A set of standard syllabi, periodically revised to take care of the new developments, minimum criteria for acquiring the professional degree and the ongoing Continuous Education Programme to avoid practicing professionals from becoming stale, as also compulsions of competition from other allied professions ensure that knowledge levels are reasonably taken care of, on a continuous basis.

(b) Skills

Both hard and soft skills have an overwhelming bearing on Professional Excellence. Ensuring Knowledge levels is the easier part. Acquiring skills is the more difficult part of the equation. Among skills, soft skills are of great significance because, as I said earlier, as a general rule, relatively speaking, soft skills are hard to come by; while hard skills are easy to acquire.

© Conflicts of Interest Management

What is conflict of interest (COI)? In the Code of Ethics of your Institute, A “Conflict of Interest” has been defined as a situation wherein the interests/benefits of one person or entity conflict with the interests/benefits of the institute.

They are situations in which an interest interferes, or has the potential to interfere, with a person, organization or institution’s ability to act in accordance with the interest of another party, assuming that the person, organization or institution has a (legal, conventional or fiduciary) obligation to do so. The interests which lead to conflicts may be pecuniary or non-pecuniary, personal / social / other competing professional interests or human emotions of greed / kinship or friendship / anger / hatred. Such conflicts may be actual or potential.

Conflict of interest, thus, fundamentally represents- a ‘Dharma Sankat’ – an ethical dilemma. Such conflicts are a part and parcel of one’s existence, but the conflicts of interest in the financial world have a special and particular lure because of huge financial benefits involved in exploitation thereof.

All professionals – doctors, lawyers, engineers etc., including finance professionals, generally, play a dual role i.e., that of being the principal and an agent to their customers, in the discharge of their functions. Consequently, finance professionals jointly act as an agent of the customer when they provide the diagnosis to their finance related problems and consider the best remedial action therefore, besides acting as a principal in executing with the customer the prescribed action. Mutatis mutandis, the same holds good for almost all professional services. This inherent dual capacity, common to most professional services, naturally gives rise to conflicts of interest in cases where the professional acting as an agent, prescribes actions which he knows are to his own benefit as principal, rather than to the
customers. There is nothing special about financial services in this respect. Agency theory (principal-agent relationship) offers a valuable lens for assessing, interalia, conflicts of interests.

Financial services come jointly under the category of ‘experience goods’ and ‘credence goods;’ wherein, information is obtained by the consumers only during / after the services have been purchased or, perhaps, may not be able to obtain the same even after purchasing. In other words, the consumers will find it that much more difficult in obtaining information about the quality of services offered by the finance professionals, due to the inherent nature of financial services.

In such circumstances, exploitation of conflicts of interest by finance professionals due to the classic ‘principal-agent’ conflict, away from the glare of the public could lead to loss of trust in the profession.

As Walter Bagehot put it so elegantly, “One terra incognita seen to be faulty; every other terra incognita will be suspected.” The inevitable credibility contagion catches on. All professionals, especially in the finance world should be very wary and watchful to prevent such an eventuality. Otherwise, disastrous consequences would follow, which would be difficult to tackle.

It is a matter of fact, which has repeatedly come to the fore that conflicts of interest cannot be legislated / regulated away, despite having the best prescribed standards. Management of conflict of interest calls for adherence to ethics and values. In fact, a value oriented individual is the cornerstone in the entire process of mitigation of interests. As famously said, “the greatest conflicts are not between two people / institutions / nations, but between one person and himself.” Hence, ethical conduct should be developed, sustained and fostered in the professional atmosphere through enabling legal, regulatory and institutional environment.

Management of conflicts of interest calls for a high degree of maturity and a sense of balance and proportion. The reason is that conflicts of interest situations predominantly carry shades of grey rather than being black and white.

Hence, above all, a sense of values and ethics is the very foundation to manage conflicts of interest – “Dharma Sankat”. Professionals with high knowledge and skills, but without values and ethics, more often than not, could end up as disasters.

In other words, the framework for mitigating conflicting interests should be constructed inside-out, from the core point of an individual’s value-oriented personality to an outer layer of enabling environment, through all possible means available to your profession. The conflict mitigation process, at its absolute broadest, should strike a reasonable balance that helps guard against present and future problems of conflicts of interest while preserving those traits of your profession which are the source of its creative and competive genius.

Sometimes, due to certain professional / personal problems or set-backs, one may not be able to focus fully on one’s profession. That is quite understandable, but the touchstone is as to whether, over one’s entire career, one has been able to constantly deliver to the highest standards of professional excellence which is achieved through high levels of knowledge and skills coupled with an unshakable sense of values and ethics.

Another important aspect is that the top professionals in high positions should be very measured in their talk and behaviour, because they are looked upon as role models for the profession in particular and the society in general.

(d) Conflicts of Interest and Finance Professionals
– An Uneasy Relationship

In contemporary times, especially since the onset of the present ongoing crisis in 2008, among the professions- finance related professionals have been in the limelight due to all the wrong reasons.

In the period immediately prior to 2008, the continuous saga of financial scandals involving high profile companies like Enron, Worldcom, Arthur Andersen, Tyco in USA; Ahold, Parmalat in Europe, Citi bank’s activities in Europe and Japan, BNP Paribas are still fresh in one’s memory.

More recently, those involving J P Morgan, Standard Chartered, HSBC in the international arena serve as examples. The recent episodes of proven transgressions by some of our banks also raise concerns and highlight the critical role of ethics in business.

In all these cases, expert observers have concluded that the role of the finance professionals and, more importantly, their exploitation of conflicts of interests as being at or near the centre of such scandal-driven financial storms.

Conflicts of interest, of late, have reappeared in our public discourse.

It is alleged that, we in India, are not appreciative enough of the world of Conflicts of Interests.

It is also argued that we do not appreciate the separation of roles and responsibilities of our private and public lives; and that we freely mix both together for our gains. It is further said that for us, there is no conflicts of interests and it is only maximisation or juggling of interests, etc.

Trust – Commitment

Clemons was on vacation one morning, and he happened to stop in at a Home Depot store to buy some lumber. While waiting for his lumber to be cut, he overhead a man complaining about Cox (of Cox Cable, Inc). As the man spoke, eight or nine other Home Depot customers were gathered around, listening to this tale of cable-television woe.

_ From “The leader in you” by Dale Carnegie_

Management Thought – Think of the Worst

The next time Trouble – with a Capital T- backs you up in a corner, try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier:
Ask yourself,” What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can’t solve my problem?”
Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst – if necessary.
Then calmly try to improve upon the worst – which you have already mentally agreed to accept.

Quick to Say “No”?
Jane Cranston

I’m standing on line at the supermarket behind a mother and her five-year old son. Bored, tired, and cranky, the child wants out, as does the mother. The boy starts asking questions and for things. “No!” says the mother. “No” is the answer so many time that she is ahead of her son’s requests. Finally, in frustration she yells, “Don’t even bother asking me because the answer is going to be ‘no.’” We’ve all witnessed this type of scenario and probably are guilty of participation now and again. For some reason the scene stuck with me.

Later in the day, I was having a coffee with a person interested in knowing about my coaching services and me. Quietly, I started counting the “nos” in his replies. When we agreed, he started his next sentence with “no” or “not really,” when the question was neutral there was also a negative response. Despite his seemingly disinterest, to my surprise, he signed on for coaching. Can’t say I was thrilled. Were we going to go through the next few months battling? Well, I wasn’t and why should he? It made me question how was this behaviour impacting his work life.

That evening I was making a decision about a personal matter, a possible vacation trip. I heard myself rather randomly saying “no” to what easily should/could have been “maybe” at least and “yes” at best.

It got me thinking— why do even optimistic people sabotage their happiness and potential with negative thoughts and words?

What are the consequences?

Power: “No” is a powerful word and expression. Being in a position of power, as was the mother of the boy, gives many of us a sense of high influence and control. “No one is going to tell me what to do!” and “Surely, I’m not going to let you take charge.”

Protective: “No” can also seem to protect us from getting involved, submitting, or entering the unknown, or our fear zone. When we leave our comfort zone to enter our growth zone, we feel energized. Slip into a place of fear, and we often resist. Rather than pull back a little, we shut down all options or fight for position.

Distracted: “No” can often be a way of shutting off stimuli. You’re overloaded with requests, challenges, or even physical demands. It’s easier to close the door rather than leaving it open a crack. One of the earliest signs of burnout is taking on a universal negative perspective. Monitor it in yourself and those you lead. It’s a clear warning signal.

What are some of the costs of no?

Shuts Down Discussion: Nothing ends a conversation faster than the one word answer “no.” Even if it is not your intention, it’s often the result. I had a manager who too frequently ended her comments with the phrase “period end of sentence.” In other words, I am not open to hearing what you think or want, I’ve decided. Note: her entire team mutinied one day and she was out of the company soon after. Couching the reply with something as simple as, “I’m leaning toward no” shows the listener there’s room for persuasion.

Fuels the Conflict: Anyone with an adolescent in his or her life knows the easiest way to escalate a disagreement is to grind in your heels and stop the conversation, and demand compliance. While adolescents’ brains may not be fully set, they do have and are entitled to an opinion. Just having the option of voicing why they disagree with you, even though it may not change your decision, surely deescalates the battle.

Damages the Relationship: If you can predict what I’m going to say, before we even have a discussion, how often do you think I will continue coming to the conference table? How does that build on our relationship? When do we find common ground? What happens when we have to collaborate and cooperate? Avoidance? Splittering of loyalties? Looking outside the relationship for someone with a broader more open mindset? All of the above?

No can be a decisive and useful word when used at times a clear, concise response is required. “No you can’t jump off the high board,” or “No, you can’t fudge the numbers to make the sales look better”- in general, starting with no gets you quickly to nothing. It closes options, minds, and relationships. It can feel like power, ease, or protection, though this is generally short-lived and a bit naive.

Here’s the challenge:

For one day, monitor your language and thoughts. See when you are quick to start with or jump to the negative. Ask yourself, “How is this useful in finding the best solution?” and “How might there be another agenda at play?” Search for options and opportunities. Practice them. What is the new result?

Negative Behavioural Traits

Losses in productivity can often be traced to momentary events inside a person – events whose outward expression disrupts clear thought and effective social interaction. In short, visible behavior results from invisible processes that occur within a person’s inner black box, often with negative consequences:

· A senior executive’s emotional volatility makes him a scary person to report to. As a result, bad news does not get delivered, and the right decisions are not made. The organization begins to reel off course. Defusing the inner churn that precedes his eruptions quells his outbursts and, in turn, changes how his people relate to him.

· A team leader’s penchant for judgment and sarcastic comments erodes team morale and performance. Talent leaves the organization, along with the knowledge capital that the company needs if it is to thrive. Teach the teacher not to utter his acerbic thoughts and to be more supportive, and watch team’s performance improve.

· And up-and–coming manager’s multitasking Black Berry addiction compulsively distracts her attention in meetings. She misses key points, her colleagues feel disrespected, and decision making takes longer. Her chances for promotion are diminished. If the manager keeps her attention focused, decisions proceed more smoothly and her team feels more respected.

From “The Drucker Difference” edited by Craig L Pearce, Joseph A Maciariello and Mideki Tamlwawi

The Key to Charisma
Brian Tracy

Did you know that there is a close association between personal charisma and success in life? Probably 85 percent of your success and happiness will come from your relationships and interactions with others. The more positively others respond to you, the easier it will be for you to get the things you want.

The Law of Attraction

In essence, when we discuss charisma, we are talking about the law of attraction. This law has been stated in many different ways down through the centuries, but it basically says that you inevitably attract into your life the people and circumstances that harmonize with your dominant thoughts.

You Are a Living Magnet

In a sense, you are a living magnet, and you are constantly radiating thought waves, like a radio station radiates sound waves, that are picked up by other people. Your thoughts, intensified by your emotions, as radio waves are intensified by electric impulses, go out from you and are picked up by anyone who is tuned in to a similar wavelength. You then attract into your life people, ideas, opportunities, resources, circumstances and anything else that is consistent with your dominant frame of mind.

The law of attraction also explains how you can build up your levels of charisma so that you can have a greater and more positive impact on the people whose cooperation, support and affection you desire.

Perception is Everything

The critical thing to remember about charisma is that it is largely based on perception. It is based on what people think about you. It is not so much reality as it is what people perceive you to be. For example, one person can create charisma in another person by speaking in glowing terms about that person to a third party. If you believe that you are about to meet an outstanding and important person, that person will tend to have charisma for you.

Mother Teresa of Kolkata

One of the most charismatic people in the world was Mother Teresa of Kolkata. In a physical sense, she was a quiet, elderly, frail woman in poor health, and she wore a modest nun’s habit. She might have been ignored by a person passing her on the street; were it not for the tremendous charisma she developed and for the fact that her appearance was so well-known to so many people as a result.

How Would You Feel?

If someone told you that he was going to introduce you to a brilliant, self-made millionaire who was very quiet and unassuming about his success, you would almost naturally imbue that person with charisma, and in his presence, you would not act the same as you would if you had been told nothing at all. Charisma begins largely in the mind of the beholder.

Lasting charisma depends more upon the person you really are than upon just the things you do.

Continually look for ways to improve other’s perceptions of you so that you can be more influential with them. Be a living magnet.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

Ø Ø First, be clear about the messages you are sending and the perceptions you are creating in others. Are these perceptions consistent with the impressions you want to make?

Ø Ø Second, see yourself and imagine yourself every day as an important powerful and charming person. Treat others as you would if you were already strong, famous and influential.

Fake it until you make it!

Self Actualisation

Self-actualizing people are, without one single exception, involved in a cause outside their own skin, in something outside of themselves. They are devoted, working at something, something that is very precious to them – some calling or vocation in the old sense, the priestly sense…The tasks to which (self actualizing individuals) are dedicated seem to be interpretable as embodiments or incarnations of intrinsic values (rather than as a means to ends outside the work itself, and rather than as functionally autonomous). The tasks are loved because they embody these values…Ultimately it is the values that are loved rather than the job as such.

From “The Drucker Difference” edited by Craig L Pearce, Joseph A Maciariello and Mideki Tamlwawi

10 Ways To Motivate Yourself When You Are Feeling Down
Joel Simms

Sometimes you feel down…that’s normal. It comes with the territory called “being alive”.

Life is like a wave; and just like the wave; it has both troughs and crests. There has never been, and there will never be a wave that does not have a top and bottom, an up and a down.

Sometimes, you may feel so low that you think that “being up” or “feeling up” again is impossible. If you do, you are not alone…we’ve all been there…

Over the years, I’ve learned a number of ways to power my way up and out of the place called “down”. I’ve learned to create and regain Momentum and to motivate myself.

Here are 10 ways to pick yourself up and get yourself going:

1. Remember that Down Is Temporary.

Remember that every coin has two sides and just because you’re experiencing the down side, that does not mean there isn’t an upside too. When your Momentum and motivation are low, decide to invest energy and you will change your situation. Go out for a walk when you say you can’t. Make a call when you say you are too tired…you’ll soon discover that your Mo and go will return.

2. Take One Small Step.

Any change can begin with one small step. Often, we keep ourselves stuck in a rut by thinking that in order to feel better, we have to accomplish something huge. Take a small step and repeat with small increments and increases. The benefits will grow and so will your Momentum.

If you’re low and want to be more fit, start off by doing a couple of minutes of exercise that day. Repeat this daily for a week. Then, increase it by five minutes a day each week for a month. Soon, you will be doing over 20 minutes of exercise a day. You will feel better, change “down” to “up” and build your Momentum.

3. Focus on a Single Goal.

Sometimes when I feel low, it’s because I’ve taken on too much and have not been able to keep up with my many projects. The result is that I feel overwhelmed and tired. It’s as if I’ve broken the camel’s back by trying to carry too many loads. It’s an all-too-common problem…

Here’s a powerful solution: Choose a single project or goal to focus on. Do that one and do it well. You will have time and energy to move on to others when you regain your accomplishment energy and motivation.

4. Ask for Help.

When you are feeling low, reach out. We are like batteries… sometimes we can give a charge to ourselves and others, sometimes we need a charge. Get the help of friends and family. Get it from your inner circle or seek it online.

5. Practice Momentum Thinking.

When you are feeling down, you are “thinking down” and it is your Thinking that’s the real cause of your feeling. To improve your situation, begin to track your thoughts. Listen to what you are saying to yourself. It’s your negative thoughts that are stopping you and keeping you stuck.

Use disputation skills to counter these thoughts and regain your Momentum. Replace “I can’t do it!” with “Just watch!” Change your thoughts and you’ll change your motivation and outcomes.

6. Remind yourself Daily.

Put reminders that are motivational in front of you daily. Post short notes in big bold letters; post pictures of what you will look like or feel like when you reach your goal in all the places that you look at regularly… your mirror, your desk, the refrigerator, your steering wheel. If “Out of Sight is Out of Mind”, then keep your goals “Within Sight, Within Mind”.

7. Broadcast your Goal.

Let many people know about your goal in general and let family, friends and colleagues know about it specifically. By doing this, you are committing yourself to moving from a rut into action, from being stuck to making an improvement. Write a commitment contract, give copies to people you want to support you and give them regular updates on your progress.

8. Practice Proportional Thinking.

Any time I feel low, I use a skill I taught myself many years ago to cut my “low” down to size. Here’s how I did it:

I realized by studying my thinking that when I was feeling crumby, I had the habit of making my problems bigger than they actually were and of telling myself that I was less capable of improving the situation than I actually am. I also realized that this is a very common problem for many people.

To reverse the situation, I start by reminding myself that I’m practicing this unhealthy habit. Then, I listen for my inaccurate thoughts. Next, I replace them with accurate ones. For example, I change “I will never be able to get out of this hole” to “I need to approach this problem one small step at a time.”

9. Breathe, Sleep on It and Shower in the Morning.

I have a method to break out of a funk that always works. It goes like this…

When I feel particularly down or overwhelmed, I practice diaphragmatic belly breathing and as I relax and calm myself, I say: “I’m going to sleep on this tonight. When I go to bed, I’m going to fully let go and get a full, restful sleep. By the time I awaken tomorrow, I will be more refreshed and be filled with the enthusiasm and Momentum I need to break this cycle.” I then take a shower and invariably in the shower, I turn my thoughts into positivity and simplification and toward problem-solving.

10. Change your Words and Build Momentum.

Your words are enormously powerful. To move forward and upward, change the tone and direction of your thinking. Replace your current words. Go from “Problem” to “Opportunity”. Go from “Difficulties” to “Benefits”. Small, consistent changes in your words will change “Pessimism” to “Optimism” and “Inertia” to “Momentum”.

Your thinking is a skill that you can cultivate, fine-tune and master. When you develop Momentum Mind, you will become more capable of re-energizing yourself and regaining your balance and Momentum.

Essentials of a Manager

A man might himself know too little, perform poorly, lack judgment and ability, and yet not do too much damage as a manager. But if he lacks in character and integrity – no matter how knowledgeable, how brilliant, how successful – -he destroys. He destroys people, the most valuable resource of the enterprise. He destroys spirit. And he destroys performance.

_ Peter Drucker

From “The Drucker Difference” edited by Craig L Pearce, Joseph A Maciariello and Mideki Tamlwawi_

What is your ideal vision?
Brian Tracy

What is your ideal vision of the very best person you could possibly become? How would you behave each day if you were already that person? Asking yourself these questions and then living your life consistent with the answers is the first step to creating yourself in your ideal image.

Your self-concept is made up of three parts, each of which affects each of the others. Understanding these three parts enables you to put your hands on the keyboard of your own mental computer. When you learn to take charge of the development of a new and positive self-concept of selling, you can then control your sales destiny for the rest of your career.

Determine Your Direction

The first part of the self-concept is the “self-ideal.” Your self-ideal largely determines the direction in which you are going with your life. It guides the growth and evolution of your character and personality. Your self-ideal is a combination of all of the qualities and attributes of other people that you most admire. Your self-ideal is a description of the person you would very much like to be if you could embody the qualities that you most aspire to.

Strive Toward Excellence

Throughout your life, you have seen and read about the qualities of courage, confidence, compassion, love, fortitude, perseverance, patience, forgiveness and integrity. Over time, these qualities have instilled in you an ideal to which you aspire. You might not always live up to the very best that you know, but you are constantly striving to be a better person in light of those qualities that you value so highly. In fact, everything that you do on a day-to-day basis is affected by you comparing your activities with these ideal qualities and striving to behave consistently with them.

Clarity is Essential

Successful salespeople have very clear ideals for themselves and their careers. Unsuccessful salespeople have fuzzy ideals. Successful salespeople are very clear about being excellent in every part of their work and their personal lives. Unsuccessful sales people don’t give the subject very much thought. One of the primary characteristics of successful men and women in every walk of life is that they have very clearly defined ideals and they are very aware of whether or not their current behaviours are consistent with their idealized behaviours.

Set Challenging Goals

Part of your ideals are your goals. As you set higher and more challenging goals, your self-ideal improves and crystallizes. When you set goals for the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to live, your self-ideal rises and becomes a greater guiding and motivating force in your life.

Your Future is Unlimited

Perhaps the most important thing for you to realize is that whatever anyone else has done or become, you can do or become as well. Improvements in your self-ideal begin in your imagination, and in your imagination, there are no limits except the ones that you accept.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

· · First, dream big dreams. Set big, exciting, challenging goals and ideals for yourself in every part of your life. Allow yourself to imagine a wonderful life ahead.

· · Second, think about how you would act if you were an outstanding person in every way. Then, practice being this person, as though you were acting a role in a play. You’ll immediately notice a difference in your behaviour.

It’s all about people
-
Dan Wilson

During my corporate career I had the good fortune for many of those years of being associated with the hardest working, most dedicated team of professionals one could imagine. Not only were they extraordinarily proficient at what they did, but also innovative and adaptable to new and better processes, procedures, and technology, always open to better ways and new ideas. What was even more impressive though, beyond their professionalism and technical expertise, was their caring attitude toward the people they served. I know that for a fact for I had the opportunity to observe day to day how they fretted and sweated over doing the right thing – for people.

What I learned from that team is this, that ultimately it is all about people. In everything, all our endeavours, if it is not about people it simply does not exist. Regardless of our jobs, careers, professions, vocations, businesses or organizations – whatever products or services we provide, for profit or not-for-profit – if the ultimate purpose and end result does not benefit other people in some way, our jobs, professions, and organizations would have never come into existence in the first place.

Too often, I’m afraid, in this complex and competitive world, people are treated as commodities rather than being valued as fellow human beings. Customers are valued only by the contents of their wallets, and employees as nothing more than tools or machines, replaceable or expendable at the slightest whim – “human resources,” we call them, rather than “human beings.” And, unfortunately, when that attitude becomes too pervasive in any business, organization, or profession, eventually – eventually I say – it will falter. Consider the Enron debacle, for instance, from a few years back. Enron’s demise did not begin with the greedy shenanigans of its senior executives; it began when the company and its leadership lost sight of its true purpose, of serving and providing for people.

Take a look around this week and see if you can identify one single worthwhile endeavour that does not ultimately serve and benefit people. Can there be such a thing? It’s all about people, you see, and as long as we, in whatever we do, do not lose sight of that fact, we will flourish. But if we do we are sure – eventually – to falter.

Quote – Unknown

A leader follows the carpenter’s rule – measure twice, saw once.

10 Workplace Motivation Commandments that all Leaders MUST Follow

1. Commit with all thy heart so others might follow Before you ask your employees to commit, you must be fully committed yourself as a manager and leader of your organization. Throw your heart over the bar, make that complete commitment, and others will follow.

2. Declare a zero-tolerance policy for dysfunctional behaviors These behaviors include people saying one thing and meaning another, giving lip service, gossiping and backstabbing. Enlist a company-wide commitment to stop every one of these workplace dysfunctions that lead to conflicts and lower employee productivity.

3. Show that you care, in every way Show your team members that you care, not just about their productivity, but also about them. A kind word or a “good job,” a pat on the back or a question about someone’s health can go a long way toward motivating your employees.

4. Celebrate every victory Recognition of achievements is high on the list of employee motivators. Every Big Project consists of scores of little victories along the way. Celebration builds confidence, and confident people are open to feedback. This means your employees will be more willing to grow with your company.

5. Clean up thy messes As a manager and leader, you WILL inevitably make mistakes. It is critical to clean up your messes as you make them. Acknowledge the mistake, then make a commitment to make things right and prevent a recurrence.

6. Use powerful and positive language Say what you mean and communicate your position in a clear and powerful and positive manner. Your ability to motivate employees will be INCREDIBLE when people know what is expected of them and why.

7. Be unreasonable with thyself Being “reasonable” doesn’t bring out the best of who you are. Show that you are willing to forego the excuses and happily do what needs doing, regardless of how “unreasonable” it seems. Your employees will then rise to the unreasonable themselves.

8. Reprogram thy limiting beliefs We all come equipped with self-doubting mechanisms. Begin living “as if” you are smart enough, good enough, and up to the challenge, and guess what – suddenly you will be. Once those limiting beliefs fall away, your actual competence increases, which further reduces self-doubt… and places you in a happy feedback loop of motivation.

9. Choose joy When you develop a habit of interpreting things as good instead of bad, it actually alters the neural pathways in your brain. Your brain will find it easier to interpret things as good. You’ve rewired your brain for happiness—and happy people are MUCH more likely to be motivated and engaged than unhappy ones.

10. Give, Give, GIVE

Life gives to the givers and takes from the takers, and life has a perfect accounting system. If you want your employees to shower your company with success, it’s time for you to dig in and give like crazy to your employees. Give them your committed heart. Give them a functional environment. Give them care, celebration, integrity, clarity, and a vision of the impossible made possible. Give them a model of life without limiting beliefs. Most of all, show them the way by choosing joy.

Do these things and you will motivate your employees and end up in the Promised Land together.

Be A Difference Maker!
Dave Reed

Great customer service is not delivered by a ‘company,’ but by individual team members who understand what it means to be ‘difference makers.’

Yes, it is important to create a culture within a company where customer service is valued and modelled by the leadership. Having the support of those around you makes it much easier to deliver great service.

But what do you do if you work for a company where delivering exceptional customer service is not part of the culture?

That is when you have to dig deep and remember what motivates you to deliver great customer service. Most likely it is a natural desire within your personality to serve others. Remember these key points when you find yourself struggling to serve your customers while your leaders and co-workers don’t seem to care.

1. Check your Motive. When you are the only one in your group who is providing great service, remember that your objective is to care for your customer, not use the situation to make yourself look better than your co-workers.

2. Stay Focused. It is easy to get caught up in the problems and poor behaviours of leadership and your fellow team members. You can get distracted and pay more attention to what is not going right behind the scene than your current customer you are attempting to serve.

3. Ignore Negative Comments. If you are the only one on your team attempting to take care of your customers, you will likely have to deal with negative comments from others who don’t share your passion. Just as someone who does not want to be shown up by a worker who is performing their duty at a faster pace, your co-workers may resent your positive attitude and make light of any compliments from a customer. Train yourself to ignore the critics!

4. Remain Positive. Picture a duck swimming on a pond. Unless something is chasing it, the duck is normally calm and graceful. What do you think you would see if you had an underwater camera? Probably the duck paddling like crazy. We want our customers to see the top of the water version of the duck, not the underwater version. The same thing applies when you have things going on behind the scene at your company that you may not be proud of or are not good customer service practices. Your customers do not need to know that everyone in your organization does not share your passion for providing good service.

You can make a difference! Serving others is a privilege. Just as there are very few companies that are known for their great service, there is also a small percentage of people who have the desire and skill needed to truly care for others.

The good news is that one positive person in the middle of an organization full of negative individuals can make a huge difference and impact the overall reputation of the company to each customer they come in contact with.

Be that person! Your attitude may even be contagious and lead others to catch your passion for service. Be a difference maker! Start a SERVICE REVOLUTION where you work.

Three Ways to Increase Your Planning Skills
Stay Focused and Stop Procrastinating

Brian Tracy

The mark of the superior thinker is his or her ability to accurately predict the consequences of doing or not doing something while maintaining the ability to stay focused on the long-term goal. The potential consequences of any task or activity are the key determinants of how important it really is to you and to your company. This way of evaluating the significance of a task is how you determine what your next priority really is.

Stop Procrastinating and Stay Focused

This law says that, “There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing.”

When you run out of time and the consequences for non-completion of a key task or project can be really serious, you always seem to find the time to get it done, often at the very last minute. When you have no choice, when the consequences for non-completion are serious enough, you start early, you stay focused and you drive yourself to complete the job rather than to face the unpleasantness that would follow if you didn’t get it completed within the time limit.

Rule: There will never be enough time to do everything you have to do.

It has been estimated that the average person in business today, especially managers in the age of cutbacks, is working at 110% to 130% of capacity. And the jobs and responsibilities just keep piling up. Everyone has stacks of reading material they still have to go through. One study concluded recently that the average executive has 300-400 hours of reading and projects backlogged at home and at the office.

What this means is that you will never be caught up and planning skills are more crucial than ever. All you can hope for is to stay focused and be on top of your most important responsibilities. The others will just have to wait.

Deadlines Are an Excuse

Many people say that they work better under the pressure of deadlines. Unfortunately, years of research indicate that this is seldom true.

It is much better to better your planning skills, and then build in a sizable buffer to compensate for unexpected delays and diversions. However much time you think a task will take, add on another 20% or more, or make a game of getting in done well in advance of the deadline. You will be amazed at how much more relaxed you are, and how much better a job you do when you stop procrastinating.

Increase Your Planning Skills

There are three questions that you can use on a regular basis to help you stay focused on getting your most important tasks completed on schedule. The first question is “What are my highest value activities?”

This is one of the most important questions you can ask and answer. What are your highest value activities? First, think this through for yourself. Then, ask your boss. Ask your co-workers and subordinates. Ask your friends and family. Like focusing the lens of a camera, you must be crystal clear about your highest value activities before you begin work.

The second question you can ask continually is, “What can I and only I do, that if done well, will make a real difference?”

This question comes from Peter Drucker, the management guru. It is one of the best of all questions for achieving personal effectiveness. What can you, and only you do, that if done well, can make a real difference?

Every hour of every day, you can ask yourself this question and there will be a specific answer. Your job is to use planning skills to be clear about the answer and then to start and work on this task before anything else.

The third question you can ask is “What is the most valuable use of my time, right now?”

This is the core question of time management. Answering this question correctly is the key to stop procrastinating and developing better planning skills. Every hour of every day, there is some task that is the most valuable use of your time at that moment. Your job is to ask yourself this question, over and over again, and to always be working on the answer to it, whatever it is.

Do first things first and second things not at all. As Goethe said, “The things that matter most must never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.”

The more accurate your answers to these questions, the easier it will be for you to set clear priorities, to stop procrastinating and to get started on that one activity that represents the most valuable use of your time.

Goals: The 10 Rules for Achieving Success
Gary Ryan Blair

Success is the intentional, pre-meditated use of choice and decision. Unless you choose with certainty what it is you want,
you accept table scraps by default!

The world is plump with opportunity. With boldness and conviction, stick a fork into the goals you want by being decisive.

You are born with great capabilities, but you will not achieve your potential until you call upon yourself to fulfil it. You will rise to the occasion when it presents itself; yet, to assure self-fulfilment, you must provide occasions to rise to.

Clearly defined goals allow you to travel toward another horizon that represents the end of one experience and the transition to a new and better existence. The objective is to choose the right goals, and then to create the necessary causes the effects will follow!

The Difference between what one person and another achieves depends more on goal Choices than on Abilities.

The profound differences between successful people and others are the goals they choose to pursue. Individuals with similar talents, intelligence, and abilities will achieve different results because they select and pursue different goals.

Each decision affects What You Become. We form our decisions and our decisions form us.

There is no escaping this; the smallest choices are important because over time their cumulative effect is enormous.

Never overlook the obvious: The nature and direction of your life change the instant you decide what goals you want to pursue.

Once you make a decision, you start down a path to a new destination. At the moment the decision is made, your decision to pursue a goal alters what you are becoming. Just one spin of the lock’s diala single choice can alter your life, your destiny, your legacy.

Think about it your goal decisions represent and express your individuality. You seal your fate with the choices you make.

You define yourself by your decisions:

Your dialog with success is ultimately a solo one. Decisions and goals made must be your own if you are to call your life a success.

Always establish the best goals you can. Goals are the seeds of success you become only what you plant. The quality of your harvest is a direct reflection of the quality of your seeds…your decisions!

Indecision is the big eraser of opportunity and potential. Risks and costs accompany every decision; however, the price of decision is far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction. When it comes to decisiveness, squatters have no rights.

Everyone has an official wish list of things they think are “reasonable.” What about the unofficial wish list? The one that common sense tells you to ignore? The list that exists deep in your mind, the list that keeps you up at night, the list that makes your toes wiggle when you think of it? Why not choose that list for a change?

How long have you dreamed of being, having, and doing what you really want? Think big, as when it comes to your goals, the size of your ambition does matter.

What you just read was one of the ‘10 Rules for Achieving Success’ in Gary Ryan Blair’s book titled, Goals.

Management Thought – Focus on small folk

In my life, I have understood that trying to please your boss is not beneficial in the long run. For the boss who expects you to curry favour, no gift is big enough; he will always think of it as his entitlement. On the other hand, if you are considerate towards your juniors, those below you, greet them with a pat, smile or a nice word, you will be remembered for a lifetime. In exchange, they will walk till the end of the world for you. So, do not waste your time trying to please the big bosses. Focus on the little people. In the harshly competitive world this may sound counter intuitive. But, believe me, when you focus on the small folk, you create a constituency that no boss can ever ignore.

Ten Tips for Staying Positive Around Negative People

Edward Mills

Let’s face it. No matter how positive we intend to be and how focused we are on attracting positive people into our lives, there are times when we will come into contact with negative people. You know the type: They love to talk about all the things that are going wrong in their life. They live for the gossip about the latest tragedy in Paris Hilton’s life or their neighbour’s. They bask in being the first to point out why a project won’t work.

These people may be tangential to your life or they may be firmly embedded in the fabric of your life (can you say “family members?”). But either way, when they come into your presence, they provide a true “test” of your ability to maintain a high, positive vibration.

So how do you deal with these people? How do you maintain a positive vibration when you find yourself surrounded by people with less positive vibrations?

Here are ten tools, techniques and insights to help you maintain a positive vibration. Try them out. Discover what works for you. Improvise, combine them, add your own. As you work within the Law of Attraction you will begin to discover your own tools and techniques for maintaining your highest most positively attractive resonance in every situation. So here they are:

• 1. Leave.
  If possible, remove yourself from the presence of the low/slow vibrations as quickly as you can. This is the easiest and often the best way to deal with the situation. If you find yourself immersed in a water-cooler conversation that takes a negative turn, excuse yourself as soon as you realize what’s happening. Admittedly, this is not always possible (think family gatherings!) so we’ve got 9 more.

• 2. Try to keep the conversation positive.
  If you recognize that the conversation is taking a turn for the worse, see if you can turn it back around. Politicians and marketers call this staying on message. Your “message” is positive. The topic doesn’t matter so much as the tone. So anything you can do to keep the conversation positive is staying on message.

• 3. Think of something positive in your life.
  If, in spite of your efforts to stay on message, the conversation becomes negative, see if you can split your attention and allow a part of your mind to focus on something positive. Think of it like the “picture in a picture” feature on your TV. Insert a little positive thought or memory into the big picture.

• 4. Find something positive about the person to focus on.
  Everyone has redeeming qualities. They may be difficult to notice in the heat of the negative moment. But they are there. See if you can find one. Maybe you like her scarf. Maybe he just got a new haircut that looks good. Maybe she smells good. Maybe he helped you move last weekend. When you notice and focus on something positive it neutralizes the power of the negative energy.

• 5. Close your eyes.
  This obviously may not be possible when you are engaged in a one-on-one conversation. In this case, deliberately slow down the blinking of your eyes. Closed eyes, even if closed for just a second, immediately begin to bring your brainwaves down towards the alpha state. Try it right now. Take a few slow eye-blinks and watch what happens to you physical and mental state. You are much less susceptible to negative energy when you are in that relaxing, contemplative alpha space.

• 6. Focus on your breath.
  Again, see if you can split your attention and focus part of your awareness on your breath. Become aware of the air moving in and out of your body. Feel your chest and belly expanding against your shirt. Notice the rhythm of your breath and see if you can consciously slow your breath down.

• 7. Unplug your energy from the other person.
  Imagine that you are literally pulling your plug out of the other person. These negative people thrive on their ability to bring others down to their vibrational level. Use visualization, feeling, or intention to pull your plug and maintain your own vibrational level.

• 8. Remember the prayer of St. Francis.
  Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. Recognize that the person’s negativity is an expression of their inner doubt, despair and sadness. The way that you “sow” love and hope and peace and joy is by remaining positive and allowing yourself to become an instrument of peace in that moment.

• 9. Stop judging.
  If you find yourself being judgmental, stop. We all have moments of negativity. And, in fact, this person’s presence in your life could be a signal that there is some negativity in your space that you are not acknowledging. So stop judging the person and, instead, offer your gratitude for the opportunity to explore your own tendency to drift into low/slow vibrations.

• 10. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you get pulled down into the low vibrations!
  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, no matter how strong your intention is to stay positive, you will find yourself pulled down into that negative vibration. Be kind on yourself. As with number 9 above, judging yourself will only add to the downward spiral. If you fall off the horse, the best response is to get right back on and try it again!

Watch your e-mail language
Mahesh P Bhave
The Business Line

Call me old-fashioned. I abhor the newer usages of the English language that the students and the staff at my college specialise in. I don’t think “u” is “you” and “because” is “coz” and “please” is “plez;” and no smiley face or “colon-hyphen-right parenthesis” brings me any cheer or amusement. I prefer “Regards” to “Rgds” and “PFA” for “please find attached” makes me mad. “Thnx?” No, thanks!

I am not against technology, and understand the novel pressures it imposes on the use of language. For twenty years, I was in the telecommunications industry.

Twitter restricts what one may say with the requirement of brevity, and I appreciate the creative skills necessary to use this tool. Yet I don’t think SMS shortcuts may be used with e-mail. Email in the workplace is formal. Even during chat, I insist on full words and sentences.

1. Impersonal Communication

In our institution, as I suppose in others across India, positions and departments write.

For example, I get emails from “PGP,” that is the Post Graduate Programme, a department, with no names or identifying information appended to it at the bottom. The “Entrepreneurship Cell,” a student body, sends e-mails without identifying who is a part of that cell and without any phone numbers. Ditto with the “Industry Interaction Cell,” “Placement Committee,” and on and on. Who composes these emails?

Upon “reply,” it may go to one, some, or all of a dozen people in the sending team or department. I am never sure whom it reaches.

I make it a point to know individuals in the departments I interact with in order to eliminate anonymity, and address my emails by name. Yet, my individual e-mails get departmental answers.

Many believe any communications in English in India is an accomplishment — after all, it is no one’s mother tongue. If the message gets across, and gets work done, is that not good enough?

I remember a mother once say of her teenager: She uses the Internet and is on Facebook. This fact was a source of pride, a measure of accomplishment. I could have said: Beware what she posts on her Facebook account. Whatever she posts or uploads, photos or opinions, may someday be used against her during a job search or a marriage proposal, or in a background check, especially if she becomes famous. Privacy was a remote concern for this mother.

People say I insist on niceties that don’t matter in functional communications. I disagree.

In the high-context Indian society, all communications are tiered, subtle messages, usually of give and take, involving a tussle of power and score keeping. Little is at face value. Hardly any transactions are fully transparent.

This is very much the case in e-mail communications, often combined with thoughtlessness.

1. Power Game

I think frustration is also at work. Individuals — oppressed, for real or imaginary reasons — use the department or team identity as a counter-weight to authority.

The facelessness of departmental identity gives a sense of power, “It’s not me, but my function.” The implicit message: Don’t blame me, I’m only doing my job; better yet, you don’t know who I am, and therefore I have a licence for uncivility, for a thumbing of the nose.

Department-speak, being impersonal, can be unmannerly.

What might be the origin of a phrase like, “Please (sometimes “Kindly”) make it convenient to attend the meeting?” On the sender’s side, the imperative: “drop everything and attend this meeting whatever else may be on your calendar.”

Equally, the seeming request in the obligatory “Please.” But why use the convoluted passive-aggressive construction and not simply, “Please attend.”

When “kindly” is used, little suggests it. I received an invitation to a meeting at the office of a commissioner of a government department who was only identified in the invitation letter by his title. The letter carried neither an email address, url, nor phone number.

As a result, I could not confirm nor deny my availability. Since this was the first meeting, I did not know who my host was. Nevertheless, I was asked in the letter to “Kindly make it …” Else what? Nothing really; only bureaucratese in use.

Most emails to me are addressed as “Sir,” which eliminates the requirement to spell my name correctly — fortunately not difficult — and thereby avoid polite, customised, personal addressing. Every woman is lazily a “Madam.” Naturally, not that kind.

How does this accord with marketing, illustrating the segmentation of one, the individual? It does not. “Dear Sir” is all right if preceded by the addressee’s full name and title.

The paradox is this: When we join hands to welcome a guest, we pray to the divinity in the person across us in human form. The genuineness of welcome is palpable to guests.

Yet in day-to-day email behaviour, there is rudeness and thoughtlessness; the computer screen shuts out God.

My son, 21 years old, began sending emails with only his first name a few years ago. I threatened to not read them unless each communication gave me his email address, full name, and phone number.

Now he has a professional “signature” as default in his emails. Progress; he did not resist me, saying, “But Daddy (how silly of you), my email address is already there in the header!”

“It is simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences.”

~Aristotle

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“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone,
there is one factor that can make the difference
between damaging your relationship and deepening it.
That factor is attitude.”

~Jimmy William James