*Stop Serving the Feedback Sandwich*
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Adam Grant
Wharton professor, NYT writer, author of ORIGINALS and GIVE AND TAKE
Stop Serving the Feedback Sandwich
How do you give feedback to a CEO who’s twice your age? I was 25, a new professor called in as a last-ditch, Hail Mary effort to save a dying company. They had already fired three consultants, so why not try me?
The CEO had been leading longer than I’d been alive. After several weeks of watching him in action, interviewing his senior team, and gathering data from his employees, it was time for me to bring down the hatchet. His company had merged with another firm and he was still trying to figure out where to go. His team desperately needed him to outline a vision.
When I went to colleagues for advice, they all told me the same thing. Put a slice of praise on the top and the bottom, and stick the meat of your criticism in between. It’s the compliment sandwich, as Stewie Griffin called it on Family Guy—a technique for giving feedback that’s popular among leaders and coaches, parents and teachers.
But when I looked at the data, I learned that the feedback sandwich doesn’t taste as good as it looks.
Problem 1: the positives fall on deaf ears. When people hear praise during a feedback conversation, they brace themselves. They’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it makes the opening compliment seem insincere. You didn’t really mean it; you were just trying to soften the blow.
Problem 2: if you avoid that risk and manage to be genuine about the positives, they can drown out the negatives. Research shows that primacy and recency effects are powerful: we often remember what happens first and last a conversation, glossing over the middle. When you start and end with positive feedback, it’s all too easy for the criticism to get buried or discounted.
Giving a compliment sandwich might make the giver feel good, but it doesn’t help the receiver.
Instead, try these four steps to make your criticism feel constructive:
1. Explain why you’re giving the feedback
Recently, a team of psychologists was able to make feedback 40% more effective by prefacing it with just 19 words:
“I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them.”
Rather than feeling attacked, now you feel like the person has your back and believes in your future. People are remarkably open to criticism when they believe it’s intended to help them. As Kim Scott observes, people will accept being challenged directly if you show that you care personally.
2. Take yourself off a pedestal
Negative feedback can make people feel inferior. If you level the playing field, it’s a lot less threatening:
“I’ve benefited a lot from people giving me feedback, and I’m trying to pay that forward.”
“I’ve been studying great managers, and I’ve noticed that they spend a lot of time giving feedback. I’m working on doing more of that.”
“Now that we’ve been working together for a while, I think it would be great if we gave each other suggestions for how we can be more effective.”
All of these messages send a clear signal: I’m not perfect. I’m trying to get better too.
3. Ask if the person wants feedback
“I noticed a couple things and wondered if you’re interested in some feedback.”
I’ve opened this way many times, and no one has ever declined. Once people take ownership over the decision to receive feedback, they’re less defensive about it.
4. Have a transparent dialogue, not a manipulative monologue
Organizational psychologist Roger Schwarz suggests a thought experiment. Imagine that you’re about to give feedback to two employees, but you have to be transparent about what you’re trying to accomplish:
“I have some negative feedback to give you. I’ll start with some positive feedback to relax you, and then give you the negative feedback, which is the real purpose of our meeting. I’ll end with more positive feedback so you won’t be so disappointed or angry at me when you leave my office.”
It sounds ridiculous. Here’s what Schwarz recommends instead:
“The presentation you gave to the senior leadership team this morning may have created confusion about our strategy. Let me tell you how I’d like to approach this meeting and see if it works for you. I want to start by describing what I saw that raised my concerns and see if you saw the same things. After we agree on what happened, I want to say more about my concerns and see if you share them. Then we can decide what, if anything, we need to do going forward. I’m open to the possibility that I may be missing things or that I contributed the concerns I’m raising. How does that work for you?”
Putting it in Action
When I was preparing for the meeting with the CEO, I learned that all three consultants had tried to compliment him, and he saw right through it. It was time to take the feedback sandwich off the menu and be radically candid.
I started by explaining why I was giving the feedback. “Your senior team all believes you’re the right guy to save this company, and I do too. I hope I’ve seen something that can help you do that.”
Next I took myself off a pedestal. “I see this as a two-way street—there’s a lot I can learn from you about leadership. Who are the leaders who have taught you the most in your career?”
He gave me a few examples, and one was a leader with a clear, compelling vision. I took the opening and asked if he wanted feedback: “Your team actually has some pretty consistent views on how you can deliver your vision. Do you want to hear them?”
He nodded and took out a pen. I shared a few of their observations and asked if he agreed. He did—he needed to clarify the vision. A few weeks later, he stood up and rolled out his vision. It was a triumph.
Later that year the company failed anyway. But if I had given a compliment sandwich, it might have failed even sooner.
Adam Grant is a Wharton professor and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World. His free monthly newsletter on work and psychology is at www.adamgra...et
Written by
Adam Grant
Wharton professor, NYT writer, author of ORIGINALS and GIVE AND TAKE
Why Nice Bosses Finish First
Dr. Travis Bradberry
Many bosses assume that a leader needs to be aloof and tough on employees in order to be effective. They fear that looking “soft” will erode their employee’s motivation and respect for them. To prove their case, they cite examples of brilliant leaders who modeled a tough leadership style, such as Steve Jobs, who berated his employees.
When it comes to success as a leader, radically tough leadership styles are exceptions to the rule, not the rule. Recent research has shown that overly tough bosses create significant health and motivation problems in their employees, which will make you think twice about taking the tough-as-nails approach.
Overly tough bosses create stress, and lots of it, as the research shows: A University of London study found an especially strong link between heart disease and boss-inflicted stress, while a University of Concordia study found that employees who rate themselves as highly stressed added 46% to their employer’s health care costs. Research from the Institute of Naval Medicine found that overly tough bosses cause people to seek jobs elsewhere, to perform at a lower level, to decline promotions, and even to quit. Finally, a survey from Randstad Consulting showed that most employees would trade in their bosses for better ones rather than receive a $5,000 pay raise. People don’t leave jobs; they leave bad bosses.
The thing is, nice bosses don’t just prevent health and motivational problems among their employees; they create massive benefits that hard-nosed bosses can’t. A California State Long Beach study found that leaders who treat their teams fairly have far more cohesive and productive teams and that the individuals in those teams perform better. Research from the University of Virginia found that leaders who were considered “self-sacrificing” and “helpful” were viewed as especially inspirational and motivational and their employees were more helpful to their colleagues and more committed to their teams.
So, what exactly does a “nice” boss look like, and how does one pull this off without being a push over? Let’s find out.
They’re kind without being weak. One of the toughest things for leaders to master is kindness. It’s a balancing act, and the key to finding balance is to recognize that true kindness is inherently strong—it’s direct and straightforward. Telling people the difficult truth they need to hear is much kinder than protecting them (or yourself) from a difficult conversation. This is weak. Also, true kindness doesn’t come with expectations. Kindness is thin when you use it in a self-serving manner—people can see right through kindness when a kind leader has an agenda.
They’re strong without being harsh. Strength is an important quality in a leader. People will wait to see if a leader is strong before they decide to follow his or her lead or not. People need courage in their leaders. They need someone who can make difficult decisions and watch over the good of the group. They need a leader who will stay the course when things get tough. People are far more likely to show strength themselves when their leader does the same.
A lot of leaders mistake domineering, controlling, and otherwise harsh behavior for strength. They think that taking control and pushing people around will somehow inspire a loyal following. Strength isn’t something you can force on people; it’s something you earn by demonstrating it time and again in the face of adversity. Only then will people trust that they should follow you.
They’re confident, without being cocky. We gravitate to confident leaders because confidence is contagious, and it helps us to believe that there are great things in store. The trick, as a leader, is to make certain your confidence doesn’t slip into arrogance and cockiness. Confidence is about passion and belief in your ability to make things happen, but when your confidence loses touch with reality, you begin to think you can do things you can’t and have done things you haven’t. Suddenly it’s all about you. This arrogance makes you lose credibility.
Great, confident leaders are still humble. They don’t allow their accomplishments and position of authority to make them feel that they’re better than anyone else. As such, they don’t hesitate to jump in and do the dirty work when needed, and they don’t ask their followers to do anything they aren’t willing to do themselves.
They stay positive, but remain realistic. Another major challenge that leaders face is finding the balance between keeping things positive and still being realistic. Think of a sailboat with three people aboard: a pessimist, an optimist, and a great leader. Everything is going smoothly until the wind suddenly sours. The pessimist throws his hands up and complains about the wind; the optimist sits back, saying that things will improve; but the great leaders says, “We can do this!” and he adjusts the sails and keeps the ship moving forward. The right combination of positivity and realism is what keeps things moving forward.
They’re role models, not preachers. Great leaders inspire trust and admiration through their actions, not just their words. Many leaders say that integrity is important to them, but great leaders walk their talk by demonstrating integrity every day. Harping on people all day long about the behavior you want to see has a tiny fraction of the impact you achieve by demonstrating that behavior yourself.
They’re willing to take a bullet for their people. The best leaders will do anything for their teams, and they have their people’s backs no matter what. They don’t try to shift blame, and they don’t avoid shame when they fail. They’re never afraid to say, “The buck stops here,” and they earn people’s trust by backing them up. Great leaders also make it clear that they welcome challenges, criticism, and viewpoints other than their own. They know that an environment where people are afraid to speak up, offer insights, and ask good questions is destined for failure.
They balance work and fun. There are plenty of bosses out there who know how to have fun. Unfortunately, this is often at the expense of results. And for every boss out there who has a bit too much fun, there’s one who doesn’t know how to have any fun at all. It takes a kind, but balanced leader to know how to motivate and push employees to be their best but to also have the wherewithal to slow it down at the appropriate time in order to celebrate results and have fun. This balance prevents burnout, builds a great culture, and gets results.
They form personal connections. Even in a crowded room, kind leaders make people feel like they’re having a one-on-one conversation, as if they’re the only person in the room that matters. And, for that moment, they are. Kind leaders communicate on a very personal, emotional level. They never forget that there’s a flesh-and-blood human being standing in front of them.
They deliver feedback flawlessly. It takes a tactful leader to deliver feedback that is accurate and objective but also considerate and inspirational. Leaders who are kind know how to take into account the feelings and perspectives of their employees while still delivering the message they need to hear in order to improve.
They’re generous. Great leaders are generous. They share credit and offer enthusiastic praise and they’re as committed to their followers’ success as they are to their own. They want to inspire all their employees to achieve their personal best—not just because it will make the team more successful, but because they care about each person as an individual.
“A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit.” – John Maxwell
Bringing It All Together
Kind leaders are dynamic; they meld a variety of unique skills into an integrated whole. Incorporate the behaviors above into your repertoire, and you’ll see immediate improvement in your leadership skills.
Have you worked for a nice boss? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Years back, poor illiterate parents produced
🔹Doctors,
🔹Engineers,
🔹 Scientists,
🔹 Accountants,
🔹 Lawyers,
🔹 Architects,
🔹 Professors.., whom I will refer to as Group ‘A’.
These Group ‘A’ Children struggled on their own after Primary 6 or Grade 12, to become notable personalities. Most of them
👉🏾trekked to school barefooted
👉🏾 went to farms
👉🏾fetched water and firewood
👉🏾cared for domesticated animals
👉🏾did some work including trading after school to survive.
Now Group ‘A’ ,who have now become Parents themselves are producing Group ‘B’ Children
These group B children are
🔹pampered
🔹 helped in their homeworks or home assignments from nursery school through secondary schools to higher institutions.
🔹chauffeur driven to very expensive schools or are sent abroad to study.
🔹they can watch movies from morning till dawn after school.
🔹 they are treated like baby kings and queens.
🔹they don’t do any household chores.
🔹Food is put on the table for them,
🔹their plates are removed and washed by parents or house maids.
🔹They are given expensive cars and clothes,
🔹not forgetting big pocket monies to be wasted !!!.
🔹Their parents help them in doing their assignments.
🤔 In spite of all these, only few can speak or write correctly. 😏
🤔Group ‘A’ Parents cared for their own parents and children, Group ‘B’,their Children are still struggling to find their feet at age 30+.‼
🤔They find it difficult to do things on their own because they are used to being helped to think and doing things by Group ‘A’. So they can’t help themselves, their parents or the society. THEY ABANDON THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR BID TO ACQUIRE THE WORLD
😴 Where do you belong❓
🏮Reduce the pampering and the unnecessary help you offer your children.
🏮 Let your children grow in wisdom, intelligence and strength.
🏮Let them face the truth and the realities of life. Teach them to grow to become independent adults. Teach them to
👉🏾fear God,
👉🏾respect others and
👉🏾 develop confidence in themselves.
Parents, discipline your children to become disciplined adults, useful and not useless.
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@B@R_0_0_D wrote:
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God word is just an adjective… based on situations…
@Plato @Magus @asoka
@prinkle @mahidada @Tejaa
@eskimo @DealLooter0015
@AKA @sukhichd710
@DealsStreet @forgotten
@disclaimer @abhimishra
@Navneet @Smarty
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@srocks
@BUTTERFLYBOY
@farzimaal
@krishan42933
@FeelMyL0Ve
@sheetalvarunyadav2223
@dealmate
@VaibhavJain
@JonSnow
@bookface
CAN THE GEESE READ ? DO PEOPLE HAVE GEESE AS PETS ?
@AKA @Augustus @sukhichd710 @Plato @Magus @asoka @prinkle @mahidada @Tejaa @vishusgh @A2Zdeals @no fpd @forgotten @disclaimer @Smarty @abhimishra @Navneet @vijkap201 @eskimo
@Alpha.Barood wrote:
CAN THE GEESE READ ? DO PEOPLE HAVE GEESE AS PETS ?
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