What is your EQ ?
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Here is a conspiracy theory for you – some very intelligent people are here amongst us. Their IQ is described as “Artificial Intelligence” and like “walking Wikipedias” they always have an answer ready for everything. And from the look on their face you know that they are probably right. “How can they retain so much information?” you ask yourself.
Have they spent their teenage years locked up in their rooms reading? Do they flip over a few pages from scientific research papers before going to bed as a past time? Could it be that they have a direct connection to some unknown source of Universal knowledge?
I do not know about you, but in the past an encounter with such highly intelligent people would always leave me feeling two contradictory emotions: excitement, because I have learned something new and a slight sense of inadequacy, because I have never felt an urge to read the “Wall Street Journal” or wrap my mind around “Schrödinger’s cat” paradox.
It turns out that the latter emotion was unjustified, as recent studies in psychology confirm that our IQ has very little to do with accomplishing success in life.
What makes a big difference is our Emotional Intelligence, the concept that has been described by Daniel Goleman. Not only do qualities associated with high EQ (such as self-awareness, inner motivation, empathy and ability to recognize and manage our own feelings and those of others) account for about 90% of our professional effectiveness, they also enhance our intellectual performance – i.e. we work smarter, not harder!
Really great news is that, unlike IQ, which is set and almost unchangeable from childhood on, emotional intelligence can be developed and improved!
21 Strategies to Improve Emotional Intelligence
1. Learn to trust your intuition
Do you know how sometimes you “have a feeling” about something or someone? Well, do not rush to dismiss it, because it may help you to avoid a few costly mistakes.
For a long time intuition and rational thinking were considered two mutually exclusive concepts. Only now have scientists started to realize that our intuitive emotions serve as an efficient mechanism that improves our ability to make better, sounder decisions. So learn to trust your intuition and start relying on it more often!
2. Quickly un-wind your mind
When we are under stress, we quickly lose the ability to accurately “read” a situation, hear what someone else is saying, think rationally and communicate clearly. The first skill that can greatly improve our emotional intelligence is to quickly and efficiently manage stress when we are feeling overwhelmed.
3. Realize that you are not your emotions
A trap many people fall into is feeling that they “ought” to feel a certain way. Usually we are brought up to believe that it is wrong to express and even feel certain emotions, as if it somehow makes us a “bad person”. But in reality it is not the feeling that matters, but how you choose to act on it.
4. Talk about your feelings
Letting our feelings show has always been associated with weakness. While we were learning to smile politely and keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves, we should have been practicing to express those feelings. This is what people with high EQ do. They are not afraid to expose their feelings, vulnerabilities and thoughts. And guess what? No one perceives them as weak.
5. Practice “learned optimism”
Notice how you explain events to yourself, both good and bad. Do you take credit for your achievements or do you dismiss them as pure luck? Do you take responsibility for your missteps or does it seem more natural for you to shift the blame on something or someone else?
6. Start with your ego
Ego plays a huge role in how we perceive and react to different situations. You can not feel unappreciated, offended or hurt unless you let yourself feel that way. And the fact that you are feeling that way almost always means that your ego has been rubbed the wrong way. But you are not your ego. You are a spiritual human being and your natural state is happiness, not anger, resentment, envy.
7. Acknowledge your emotions
Another way to improve emotional intelligence lies in developing understanding that denying, ignoring or numbing our feelings will not make them go away. Acknowledging our emotions, both good and bad, allows us to get in touch with our own motivations and needs, and to communicate effectively with others.
8. Think about how you think
You may not always choose the situation or people you work with, but you CAN always choose the way you frame it in your mind.
9. Choose your words carefully
The words we use carry emotional baggage with them and evoke certain associations in your mind. One way of changing your thoughts and getting negative emotions under control is to choose positively-charged words like “solution”, “help”, “please”, “appreciate”, “understand”, “together”, “great”, “Thank you”. Words like this enhance people’s desire to listen and cooperate, versus fight, insist and get negativity back.
10. Step into their shoes
Being able to see a situation or a point of view from another person’s perspective is a skill that most of us develop at the age of 5. Too bad that when we are overcome by negative emotions we start acting like we are 4, by acknowledging only our thoughts, emotions and arguments. I know that it is hard, but next time you are in the middle of a heated argument, try to put yourself into the other person’s shoes really understand where they are coming from. You might discover that they have a valid point!
11. Think Law of Attraction
If you believe that “What goes around comes around” think of what may come back to you every time you send negative emotions and thoughts into the Universe. The Universe does not care if “this moron has really upset you” or “this stupid idiot has cut in front of you almost causing a car incident”. Other people’s deeds are their karma. Take care of yours!
12. Breathe anger out
Anger is a powerful emotion, but it has equally powerful ‘side-effects’. After it dies down we are left feeling exhausted, drained and often foolish. A great way to keep anger at bay is to put some distance between you and the object of your irritation. Take a few deep breaths, imagining your breath shooting the anger and tension away and cool air calming your mind and slowing your heart rate down. Do not tackle the problem that pushed you off your balance until you will feel completely calm and composed.
13. Listen
Mahatma Gandhi used to say, “Speak only if it improves upon the silence”. I would add, speak only if it objectively improves the conversation. Otherwise, listen!
14. Give yourself some love
If you do something well – celebrate. If you fail – learn the lesson and improve. There is no sense in dragging yourself down for every little mistake. Judging and criticizing yourself will not make you a better person. Self-awareness, understanding and compassion will.
15. Give positive feedback to others
Train your mind to see actions that are worth complimenting on, rather than focusing on cherry-picking little things that can be criticized or improved. When you learn to compliment with ease and refrain from judging, your EQ will sky-rocket and your relationships will flourish. Guaranteed!
16. Choose your arguments carefully
Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Before getting yourself into one, consider what is worth arguing about and what is best left alone.
17. Forgive
People with high EQ have less emotional ‘baggage’, while people with low EQ tend to have more unresolved personal issues which often act as triggers for conflicts and emotional strain. The best way of dealing with these issues is to forgive those who have wronged you in the past. Not so much for their sake, but for your own.
18. Know your hot buttons
Pay attention to the times when you let other people push your buttons. What are they? What are the specific conditions where you are likely to let your guard down? Try to avoid putting yourself in these situations where you aren’t able to choose a graceful response.
19. Look out for the sarcasm alert
Sarcasm is usually an indication that someone is being defensive. When you hear sarcasm or are the one using it, ask yourself why? What is the underlying emotion behind it? Why are you or the other person being defensive?
20. Pay attention to people’s non-verbal communication cues
Often the key to successful relationships at work and harmony in your family lies in your ability to understand non-verbal cues that are communicated through gestures, body language of the eyes and slightest micro-expressions.
21. Practice empathy
You have the power not only to improve your emotional intelligence, but to become a good influence on others, improving their creativity and intellectual performance. Robert Rosenthal, a Harvard expert on empathy, has demonstrated that when people administering IQ tests treated their subjects warmly, the test scores were higher.
Here is a simple test that will help you to determine you current EQ
[ ::: ♥♥ Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Here’s How to Know for Sure
LinkedIn Influencer, Dr. Travis Bradberry, published this post originally
When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.
Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.
Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with theEmotional Intelligence 2.0 book.
Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.
You Have a Robust Emotional Vocabulary
All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.
People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.
You’re Curious about People
It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.
You Embrace Change
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.
You Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.
You’re a Good Judge of Character
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.
You Are Difficult to Offend
If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.
You Know How to Say No (to Yourself and Others)
Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification, and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major self-control challenge for many people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
You Let Go of Mistakes
Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
You Give and Expect Nothing in Return
When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.
You Don’t Hold Grudges
The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.
You Neutralize Toxic People
Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
You Don’t Seek Perfection
Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
You Appreciate What You Have
Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.
You Disconnect
Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment.
You Limit Your Caffeine Intake
Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.
You Get Enough Sleep
It’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.
You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks
The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.
You Won’t Let Anyone Limit Your Joy
When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.
Source: entrepreneur
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@asoka @sidbhai
@mahidada @kanz @panchabhut
@Smarty
duhkhesu anudvigna manah
sukhesu vigata sriphah
vita rag bhaya krodhad
sthita dhir munir ucyate
The essence of high EQ has been defined in the Bhagavad Gita
Success in professional life depends on the ability to remain calm under pressure and be disconnected and rational while taking decisions.
@panchabhut wrote:
duhkhesu anudvigna manah
sukhesu vigata sriphah
vita rag bhaya krodhad
sthita dhir munir ucyate
The essence of high EQ has been defined in the Bhagavad Gita
Success in professional life depends on the ability to remain calm under pressure and be disconnected and rational while taking decisions.
THE INC. LIFE
5 Habits of Exceptionally Emotionally Intelligent People
What’s different about people who have emotional intelligence and those who don’t?
@bizzwriter
There’s been quite a bit of talk surrounding the topic of emotional intelligence, or EQ. What is emotional intelligence? What’s different about people who have it from those who don’t?
According to Psychology Today, EQ is comprised of three things: the ability to accurately identify your emotions and those of others; the ability to utilize emotions and apply them to tasks; and the ability to manage and control your own emotions and those of another person.
Curious to find out how emotionally intelligent people live their lives differently than others? Here are five habits of very emotionally intelligent people.
1. Self-awareness
Although this doesn’t seem like a habit you can actually practice, actively being self-aware takes a lot more work than people think. While overthinking is never a positive activity, it is a good idea to take a few moments each day to think about what we’re doing and the effect it has on others. It is important to learn ways to improve the way we go about our daily work and relationships so that our impact is positive, not negative.
2. Empathy
This is by far the key to understanding the emotions of others and ourselves. Often, when we form connections with people, it is due to the fact that we share a common emotion. Regardless of whether or not we are bonding over love, hate, or anger, it’s important to note that being able to read another’s emotions is key to knowing how to react in that particular moment.
3. Be easygoing
While a bit of perfectionism is good for creating quality work, too much of a good thing can sometimes be our downfall. Work on accepting that things don’t always go the way we plan. Know that life often happens as it’s meant to—so let go and trust the journey.
4. Stay curious
It can be easy to get jaded very early on, but one of the best ways to succeed is simply to continue long after everyone else has given up. This aspect of tenacity applies to curiosity, too. Don’t lose your wonder for life—you’ll have everything to lose if you do. Stay curious, and the things you’ll learn will help your emotional intelligence grow.
5. Find a balance
Don’t put in too much time at work, but don’t neglect it altogether. Discover the perfect balance between your professional and personal life so that you know when to include or separate emotions, as well as how to best use them in each setting.
Why You Need Emotional Intelligence to Run a Business
Tom Gimbel, founder of LaSalle Network, explains why it’s crucial for entrepreneurs to connect with employees and customers on a personal level.
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