Well ..You might be thinking that I’m here again to do some drama or to share some personnel craps, and Yes you may be right at your place and Yes YOU ARE RIGHT .Why should one bother for other’s personnel life ? No not necessary ….at least not in today’s times When They themselves may have lots of problem in their life.I would never seriously care for anonymous person’s problem or something. I am an anonymous here so I am free to share my feelings without any fear what I could not have done with known persons In real life.Sorry for bothering you all but I am going to write what comes to my mind now.I aware of the fact that creating topic on DD sharing my feelings will not solve my life puzzle by any means .whatever but I could not help myself to share my feelings with you.Because I don’t have any close friends/siblings with I can share my frustrations my thoughts my feelings and some other BS
Is it bad to have ambition to grow rich or to become successful ? it’s a rich man’s world though .In a world where money matters more than any thing, in a world where money can get you fame.I have so many complains with God that why He made me very short(5 foot), very skinny ,very weak without muscle,without any the trait of being manly,curly wavy hair,girly look,look like a school kid ,even some people(relatives) tease me by saying "You must have missed polio vaccines that’s why you look like this with very thin legs and 2cm width wrist ".God made my world very limited right from the my birth and situation made me introvert ,deadly shy, a guy having higher self-esteem and ego too but one thing .. he gifted me loving parents that why I am really really grateful to god.My world started with them and will be ended with them .We(My family) are middle class family.Like any other middle class guy I also have a dream of earning money for my parents happiness also had dream of fulfilling my parents wishes.I could not make anything in my education to make my parents proud of me.But they never stopped loving me like other parents.I have been living with my parents for 23 years till today.and in this past 23 years GOD have showed me almost all bad situations like heavy debt due to which my father had started to take alcohol daily and I can not find word to write my feelings when my parents often quarrel those bad days ? Sometimes I had to interfere between them no friend or relatives were there to support us except GOD sometimes my father even had to borrow Rs.100 or Rs 500 from his friends to give his family food and this continued till my engineering 2nd year end. huh passed 9 bad years of my life till today that I ll never forget. We are living with a hope of happy future .
And that happened. God gave everything again. promotion of my father. yes We are now in far better situation car bike apartment and all materialistic things. My Father quitted drinking from past 5 years and today we have no debt at all ,all relative came closer.All are happy Me too Now I forgot that nightmare .My father had never treated me bad even those scary days .I never have heard any single harsh word from him. I have seen the same love for me in his eyes in all situation.He gave me good life ,good education fulfilled all almost my small to big demands .I feel I AM LUCKY.Mother had also requested her elder sister for landing some money to pay my engineering fees without caring about her self esteem. I am really thankful to loving my parents and god .
Now..Its payback time,I have achieved anything in my life ,I was never not a bright student and was also heavily addicted to p*rn and those thoughts for past 10-12 years because I stay most of the time at home after school or college(No friends and completely isolated ).Those habits ruined my life my education After passing high schooling from state board with above 85% then I barely secured above 60% in +2 and engineering Now in a situation I am completely unsure about my future my uncertain career. My father have only 7 years left for his retirement from job.He is the only earning person of family of 5(including grand parents).I had high ambitions but nothing came true.Two of my elder cousins(son,daughter of my mother’s elder sister) are software engineers. One became deputy Vice president Of Credit Suisse and fully settled in USA from past 5 years and other became a senior engineer of a MNC and live in Singapore.Their achievement gratified his father and made their parents proud ,gave them a very comfortable life .Where In my case relative are teasing me by showing them as examples.They are better than me and they have better education than me .I am not in a mood to compete them neither I have the will or hope but I am still ambitious .I have a hope that One day I will give my parents the happiness they deserve. their sacrifices for me should not be wasted .I don’t want to live a single day without seeing world(MY parents).They don’t let me to leave them .I have to go out of my world for a JOB .I had decided to stay with my friends in a PG/hostel but He(Father) have booked a 1 BHK in Bangalore and have decided to send a person(his younger brother,My uncle who live in village) with me to care of me .I am afraid What would happen when If I could not meet their expectations .I am sure He will not stop loving me even if I fail but I can not forgive after that,Today I had some suicidal thoughts But I could not. May be I am coward too and don’t want to leave without some efforts .I am completely shattered, frustrated but still have a high ambition,Hope God is there with me as always and will me the right path