How Flight Announcements Should Be

How Flight Announcements Should Be

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How Flight Announcements Should Be

@@sidhuagarwal@@

“To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

“Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

“Thank you for flying on our airline. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

“Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, we’re sure as hell everything has shifted.”

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you”

“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

“United Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to your destination. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”

“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of United Airlines.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is outside on the wing. If you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.”

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Alternative Definitions

@siddudeagarwal /

@viSH

BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

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By Martha Beck
How to Apologize

Apologizing is rarely comfortable or easy, so if you’re going to do it at all, make it count. Aaron Lazare, MD, a psychiatrist and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, has spent years studying acts of contrition in every context, from interpersonal to international. He has found that, to be effective, most apologies need to contain the following elements:

1. Full acknowledgment of the offense. Start by describing exactly what you did wrong, without avoiding the worst truths. Once the facts are out, acknowledge that your behavior violated a moral code. It doesn’t matter whether you and the person you’ve hurt shares the same ethics: If you’ve broken your own rules, you’re in the wrong. Accept responsibility.

2. An explanation. A truthful explanation is your best shot at rebuilding a strong, peaceful relationship. The core-deep explanation for your behavior is your key to changing for the better. Explanations help you and your victim understand why you misbehaved and assure both of you that the offense won’t recur. Excuses merely deflect responsibility. Leave them out of your apology.

3. Genuine expression of remorse. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of the comment “I’m sorry you feel that way” knows the difference between sincere regret and an attempt to avoid responsibility for bad behavior. Few things are less likely to evoke forgiveness than apology without remorse.

4. Reparations for damage. An apology includes real repair work: not just saying “I’m sorry.” Often there will be nothing tangible to repair; hearts and relationships are broken more often than physical objects. In such cases, your efforts should focus on restoring the other person’s dignity. The question “What else do you want me to do?” can start this process. If you ask it sincerely, really listen to the answer and act on the other party’s suggestions, you’ll be honoring their feelings, perspective and experience. The knowledge that one is heard and valued has incredible healing power; it can mend even seemingly irreparable wounds.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/The-Art-of-an-A...gy

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A 4 yr old boy was in the market with his 6 yr old sister…Suddenly the boy found that his sister was lagging behind.
He stopped and looked back.His sister was standing in front of a toy shop and was watching something with great interest.
The boy went back to her and asked,“Do you want something?” The sister pointed at the doll. The boy held her hand and like a responsible elder brother, gave that doll to her.The sister was very very happy…
The shopkeeper was watching everything and getting amused to see the matured behaviour of the boy… Now the boy came to the counter and asked the shopkeeper,
“What is the cost of this doll, Sir!”
The shopkeeper was a cool man and had experienced the odds of life. So he asked the boy with a lot of love n affection,"
Well, What can you pay?"
The boy took out all the shells that he had collected from sea shore, from his pocket and gave them to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper took the shells and started counting as if he were counting the currency. Then he looked at the boy.The boy asked him worriedly,"Is it less?
" The shopkeeper said," No,No…
These are more than the cost. So I will return the remaining." Saying so,he kept only 4 shells with him and returned the remaining. The boy, very happily kept those shells back in his pocket and went away with his sister…
A servant in that shop got very surprised watching all these. He asked his master," Sir!You gave away such a costly doll just for 4 shells???
“The shopkeeper said with a smile,” Well, For us these are mere shells.
But for that boy, these shells are very precious. And at this age he does not understand what money is, but when he will grow up, he definitely will. And when he would remember that he purchased a doll with the Shells instead of Money, he will remember Me and think that world is full of Good people.
He will develop positive thinking..Thats all…."

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Turning a Nice Profit While Flying

Troll and @Tejaa were sitting next to each other on a plane, while visiting Tanjania on the invitation of President @Magus, Tejaa asks Troll if she wants to play a game, “All you have to do is ask a question and if I get it wrong or don’t know, I’ll give you five paytm, then I ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five p™”

“No,” she says. “I just want to (matha) chat like @Beinghuman.”

He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says he will pay her 500 paytm, but she still only has to pay five paytm.

“What’s the distance from the earth to the @Plato ?” he asks.

She gives him 5 p™s.

“What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?” she asks.

He pulls out his laptop and searches it till @thunderguy but finds nothing. Then he tags all dimers like @Aarya @vishusgh to @Cross and Amitabh ji. After an hour, he still hasn’t got an answer, he hands her 500 p™.

Then he asks her: “So what is the answer?”
She hands him 5 p™.
-————
@DimerAbhi

@RAJENDER @mahidada
@myliferockkss
@asoka @gareebi

Tejaa
Entertainer
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Wow Barrod Saab,
Aap toh mahan ho

ad bot
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Ad Bot

I found this sponsored content on one of the ad networks.

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Nice ..✈✈🛂🛂📵

Pt58xqmpc
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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:

Turning a Nice Profit While Flying



Troll and @Tejaa were sitting next to each other on a plane, while visiting Tanjania on the invitation of President @Magus, Tejaa asks Troll if she wants to play a game, “All you have to do is ask a question and if I get it wrong or don’t know, I’ll give you five paytm, then I ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five p™”

“No,” she says. “I just want to (matha) chat like @Beinghuman.”

He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says he will pay her 500 paytm, but she still only has to pay five paytm.

“What’s the distance from the earth to the @Plato ?” he asks.

She gives him 5 p™s.


“What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?” she asks.

He pulls out his laptop and searches it till @thunderguy but finds nothing. Then he tags all dimers like @Aarya @vishusgh to @Cross and Amitabh ji. After an hour, he still hasn’t got an answer, he hands her 500 p™.

Then he asks her: “So what is the answer?”
She hands him 5 p™.
-————
@DimerAbhi

@RAJENDER @mahidada
@myliferockkss
@asoka @gareebi


https://cdn3.desidime.com/assets/textile-editor/icon_lol.gif @Troll rocked
-—————————————————————————
Later troll played same game with @DimerAbhi & took his all milk bottles & made him @gareebi

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Bengali actress rescues hit-and-run victim

Bengali actress Mimi Chakraborty recently chased down the perpetrators of a hit-and-run case in Kolkata’s Lake Town, also rescuing the victim. She followed the car that hit a man on a motorcycle and was dragging him with it, and managed to stop it. Ensuring medical help to the victim, Mimi also prevented the drunk driver from escaping till police arrived.
short by Meryl Garcia /
read more at The Better India
For the best experience use inshorts app on your smartphone

http://www.inshorts.com/en/news/bengali-actress...

inshorts medialabs pvt. ltd.

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@sparkles @Tejaa
@cybertechie

A Little Old Lady Pays Her Doctor A Visit

A little old lady goes to the doctor.
He asks her what seems to be the problem. She says: "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. My farts never smell, and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent."

The doctor says, “I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.”

The next week, the lady returns for her follow-up appointment. 

“Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly…”

The doctor says: "Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing."

— 
— 

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@wbdimer

@@Bling6@@
@Magus
@prinkle
@krishan42933

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds

’You’ve done very well so far’, said Chris Tarrant, the show’s presenter, ‘but for a million pounds you’ve only got one lifeline left – phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question……will you go for it?’

‘Sure,’ said Mick. ’I’ll have a go!’
‘Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?’

A : Sparrow

B: Thrush

C: Magpie

D: Cuckoo

’ I haven’t got a clue,’ said Mick, ‘so I’ll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin ’. Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

’’Dat’s simple…… Mick!’ cried Paddy ’ it’s a cuckoo.’

‘Are you sure?’

’I’m so sure.’
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, ’I’ll go with Cuckoo as me answer..’

‘Is that your final answer?’ asked Chris.

‘Dat it is, Sir.’

There was a long – long pause, and then the presenter screamed, ‘Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you’ve won 1 million pounds!’

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink. ‘Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven’s name did you know it was DA cuckoo that doesn’t build its own nest?

’ Because he lives in a clock!’

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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:

‘Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven’s name did you know it was DA cuckoo that doesn’t build its own nest?

’ Because he lives in a clock!’


How on earth did you like this joke that you thought to post it here? https://cdn2.desidime.com/assets/textile-editor/icon_rolleyes.gif

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@[email protected]@[email protected] wrote:

@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:

‘Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven’s name did you know it was DA cuckoo that doesn’t build its own nest?

’ Because he lives in a clock!’


How on earth did you like this joke that you thought to post it here? https://cdn2.desidime.com/assets/textile-editor/icon_rolleyes.gif


I think my frand Graham libes on thus bery earth only, so I posted the jakar to call out my old and lobely feand..

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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:


I think my frand Graham libes on thus bery earth only, so I posted the jakar to call out my old and lobely feand..


I feel humiliated now. Sorry for the above comment! https://cdn2.desidime.com/assets/textile-editor/icon_smile.gif

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@[email protected]@[email protected] wrote:

@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:


I think my frand Graham libes on thus bery earth only, so I posted the jakar to call out my old and lobely feand..


I feel humiliated now. Sorry for the above comment! https://cdn2.desidime.com/assets/textile-editor/icon_smile.gif


See dear baroda ! Once barood sticks to ur mind or bodi, it as dificild to remove it even for any lipstick or paint remober . So, batter u behalf in @Troll manner and let my get inside of desidamn to dig more mikestone. Ab to OTP ka thappar se bhi daar nahi lagat. Desidamn jab devat hai, chappar phad kea devat hai.

@asoka @bootysweat "@CrazyTroll ":http://www.desidime.com/users/...34

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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:


See dear baroda ! Once barood sticks to ur mind or bodi, it as dificild to remove it even for any lipstick or paint remober . So, batter u behalf in @Troll manner and let my get inside of desidamn to dig more mikestone. Ab to OTP ka thappar se bhi daar nahi lagat. Desidamn jab devat hai, chappar phad kea devat hai.

@asoka @bootysweat "@CrazyTroll ":http://www.desidime.com/users/...34


You’re still receiving OTPs or it has been stopped?

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I don’t think that will stop,
Either his little fingure to be cut or
@bumblefoot has to book his journey to timnaktoo without ticket. Anyway, I am not at all bothered, b coz my mobiles r anything but khamosh.

( if the culprit see this post , then he will remind him of holy task) some holy angel like poopya or crazy1 now creating double cross, after @fragile opened his verbal diarrhea on his last day.

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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:

I don’t think that will stop,
Either his little fingure to be cut or
@bumblefoot has to book his journey to timnaktoo without ticket. Anyway, I am not at all bothered, b coz my mobiles r anything but khamosh.

( if the culprit see this post , then he will remind him of holy task) some holy angel like poopya or crazy1 now creating double cross, after @fragile opened his verbal diarrhea on his last day.


Last day? He gone from DD?

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My friends cat got it’s head stuck in a vase, freaked out, broke the vase, and was left with this.

https://i.imgur.com/zktCC2V.jpg

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Would You Like To Fly To The Edge Of Space In A Capsule?

If you want to have a near-space experience, the World View company will make it happen. They already planned for commercial flights to be carried out in their stylish high-tech capsules in 2017.

Six passengers and 2 crew members will be launched in a pressurized capsule into the stratosphere attached to a high-altitude balloon filled with helium. The flight will take about 4 to 6 hours and after the descent, the voyagers will be transported back to the launching site on a private aircraft.

Aboard the capsule everything’s made for you comfort: a refreshment bar, a restroom and an internet access so you could share your videos and photos in real time.

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Do read what follows…….. This happened in US ! WHY CAN’T THIS HAPPEN IN OUR COUNTRYINDIA?

Letter from a US . Airline pilot:

He writes:

My lead flight attendant came to me and said, “We have an H.R. On this flight.” (H.R. Stands for human remains.)

“Are they military?” I asked.
‘Yes’, she said.

‘Is there an escort?’ I asked.
‘Yes, I already assigned him a seat’.

’Would you please tell him to come to the flight deck. You can board him early," I said..

A short while later, a young army sergeant entered the flight deck. He was the image of the perfectly dressed soldier. He introduced himself and I asked him about his soldier. The escorts of these fallen soldiers talk about them as if they are still alive and still with us.

‘My soldier is on his way back to Virginia ,’ he said. He proceeded to answer my questions, but offered no words.

I asked him if there was anything I could do for him and he said no. I told him that he had the toughest job in the military and that I appreciated the work that he does for the families of our fallen soldiers. The first officer and I got up out of our seats to shake his hand. He left the flight deck to find his seat.

We completed our pre-flight checks, pushed back and performed an uneventful departure. About 30 minutes into our flight I received a call from the lead flight attendant in the cabin. ‘I just found out the family of the soldier we are carrying, is on board’, she said. She then proceeded to tell me that the father, mother, wife and 2-year old daughter were escorting their son, husband, and father home. The family was upset because they were unable to see the container that the soldier was in before we left. We were on our way to a major hub at which the family was going to wait four hours for the connecting flight home to Virginia .

The father of the soldier told the flight attendant that knowing his son was below him in the cargo compartment and being unable to see him was too much for him and the family to bear. He had asked the flight attendant if there was anything that could be done to allow them to see him upon our arrival. The family wanted to be outside by the cargo door to watch the soldier being taken off the airplane. I could hear the desperation in the flight attendants voice when she asked me if there was anything I could do. ’I’m on it’, I said. I told her that I would get back to her.

Airborne communication with my company normally occurs in the form of e-mail like messages. I decided to bypass this system and contact my flight dispatcher directly on a Secondary radio. There is a radio operator in the operations control center who connects you to the telephone of the dispatcher. I was in direct contact with the dispatcher. I explained the situation I had on board with the family and what it was the family wanted. He said he understood and that he would get back to me.

Two hours went by and I had not heard from the dispatcher. We were going to get busy soon and I needed to know what to tell the family. I sent a text message asking for an update. I Saved the return message from the dispatcher and the following is the text:

‘Captain, sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. There is policy on this now and I had to check on a few things. Upon your arrival a dedicated escort team will meet the aircraft. The team will escort the family to the ramp and plane side. A van will be used to load the remains with a secondary van for the family. The family will be taken to their departure area and escorted into the terminal where the remains can be seen on the ramp. It is a private area for the family only. When the connecting aircraft arrives, the family will be escorted onto the ramp and plane side to watch the remains being loaded for the final leg home. Captain, most of us here in flight control are veterans.. Please pass our condolences on to the family. Thanks.’

I sent a message back telling flight control thanks for a good job. I printed out the message and gave it to the lead flight attendant to pass on to the father. The lead flight attendant was very thankful and told me, ‘You have no idea how much this will mean to them.’

Things started getting busy for the descent, approach and landing. After landing, we cleared the runway and taxied to the ramp area. The ramp is huge with 15 gates on either side of the alleyway. It is always a busy area with aircraft manuvering every which way to enter and exit.
When we entered the ramp and checked in with the ramp controller, we were told that all traffic was being held for us.
‘There is a team in place to meet the aircraft’, we were told.
It looked like it was all coming together, then I realised that once we turned the seat belt sign off, everyone would stand up at once and delay the family from getting off the airplane. As we approached our gate, I asked the co-pilot to tell the ramp controller we were going to stop short of the gate to make an announcement to the passengers. He did that and the ramp controller said, ‘Take your time.’

I stopped the aircraft and set the parking brake. I pushed the public address button and said, ‘Ladies and gentleman, this is your Captain speaking I have stopped short of our gate to make a special announcement. We have a passenger on board who deserves our honor and respect. His Name is Private XXXXXX, a soldier who recently lost his life. Private XXXXXX is under your feet in the cargo hold. Escorting him today is Army Sergeant XXXXXXX. Also, on board are his father, mother, wife, and daughter. Your entire flight crew is asking for all passengers to remain in their seats to allow the family to exit the aircraft first. Thank you.’

We continued the turn to the gate, came to a stop and started our shutdown procedures. A couple of minutes later I opened the cockpit door. I found the two forward flight attendants crying, something you just do not see. I was told that after we came to a stop, every passenger on the aircraft stayed in their seats, waiting for the family to exit the aircraft.

When the family got up and gathered their things, a passenger slowly started to clap his hands. Moments later more passengers joined in and soon the entire aircraft was clapping. Words of ‘God Bless You’, I’m sorry, thank you, be proud, and other kind words were uttered to the family as they made their way down the aisle and out of the airplane.

They were escorted down to the ramp to finally be with their loved one.

Many of the passengers disembarking thanked me for the announcement I had made. They were just words, I told them, I could say them over and over again, but nothing I say will bring back that brave soldier.

I respectfully ask that all of you reflect on this event and the sacrifices that millions of our men and women have made to ensure our freedom and safety

Foot note:
I know everyone who has served their country who reads this will have tears in their eyes, including me ( Being Defence Officer’s son.)
Prayer chain for our Military… Don’t break it!

Please send this on after a short prayer for our service men and women.
Don’t break it!
I do Remember The Epitaph at “ Chushul” in Ladhak after the Chinese Ops of 1962 :
“ When you go home Tell them ,for their Today we gave our Tomorrow”
“ They die for me and mine and you and yours and deserve our honour and respect.

’Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us..bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need.. In God’s Name’

Request To you :
When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops in India & those Indian troops deployed around the world..
Really worth repeating.


@asoka
@SmallKing
@kanz
@Secretagent
@sence

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South Indian: boarding a plane.
Air hostess is smiling.
South Indian: Tatti Vandi!
Air hostess (shocked): What???
South Indian asks again: Tatti Vandi!!!

Air hostess calls flight attendant.

South Indian: Tatti Vandi!!!
Flight attendant: What????

South Indian gets annoyed and throws the boarding pass.

Flight attendant looks at the boarding pass and bursts out laughing. Controls himself, and says:
Sir, seat 31 D is in the center. This way please!😂😂😜

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@[email protected]_0_0_D wrote:

I don’t think that will stop,
Either his little fingure to be cut or
@bumblefoot has to book his journey to timnaktoo without ticket. Anyway, I am not at all bothered, b coz my mobiles r anything but khamosh.

( if the culprit see this post , then he will remind him of holy task) some holy angel like poopya or crazy1 now creating double cross, after @fragile opened his verbal diarrhea on his last day.


https://i.imgur.com/2EjV2nq.jpg

Missing