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What People Who Have Been Betrayed Want You to Know
Until you’ve been through it, it’s hard to know how it feels. There are 12 stages that we go through, and sometimes it takes a long time to move from stage to stage.
Too many of us feel betrayed at some point in our lives. It can happen in so many ways, with different people. But wherever it comes from, whatever form it takes, it causes some degree of suffering.
In professional life, it often plays out along these lines:
He was loyal, he trusted someone’s can’t fail-advice, and they betrayed him for their own profit.
She worked hard and was dedicated, and her employer betrayed her to save a few dollars.
He was encouraged to speak up when he saw wrongdoing. He did the right thing and was punished for it.
There’s a lot written about how to get over betrayal, but not much to help sort through the feelings and conflicts that follow a betrayal.
Here are the 12 stages of what happens to us when we are betrayed. May it be helpful if you’ve been betrayed—and may it help you treat those around you better.
When we’ve been betrayed, we….
1. Deny the truth. Denial often plays out in either avoidance behavior or addicted behavior. We may abuse drugs or alcohol, overeat, or gamble—or avoid the situation altogether and write the other person out of our lives. These are just a few ways one feels when one is denying betrayal even happened.
2. Experience loss. Betrayal is among the most devastating losses a person can experience. We live in a culture that is blind to betrayal and intolerant of emotional pain. Loss happens in many experiences and circumstances, and it can affect us deeply. The one who has been betrayed is grieving.
3. Hurt like hell. Whether the aftermath is expressed through apologies or being ignored, betrayal hurts like hell. We can heal, but it will have to be in our own time and on our own terms.
4. Brew our anger. Anger is never a good emotion, but sometimes it’s necessary to understand the root cause of something. The irony of betrayal is that when you are betrayed, you sometimes you end up betraying yourself. Anger may feel like showing strength, but in reality it shows how much you still care.
5. Lose our illusions. Most of us lead lives thinking this is the way things should be, so when things don’t go that way, we lose our bearings—even if they were illusory all along. It’s a loss that can be especially debilitating.
6. Forgive but not forget. William Blake said it is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. When you care about someone, you can’t turn that off because you learn they have betrayed you. It makes for a difficult internal conflict.
7. Struggle to trust. Trust, once lost, is not easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime. Once trust is broken it’s hard to come by again.
8. Experience everything differently. Old emotions and pain are always at close hand, waiting to remind you that nothing will ever be the same. So you learn to cope with them, control them, and censure them.
9. Hold on to doubt. Doubt causes great pain and kills even strong relationships. There are few things more toxic—and if you’ve been betrayed, doubt is probably a close companion.
10. Live in sadness. The sorrow of betrayal doesn’t come all at once but in stages, as you begin to recognize the full extent of what you have lost. Once someone has violated your trust, it becomes hard to escape the knowledge that people are capable of betraying others.
11. Work to break the chain. You may start out feeling like a victim, but in time realize that you have the power to break the chain of bad behavior. Try to make an opportunity to contact the person who has betrayed you. If you cannot talk to them, write them an email, and send it. If you can’t send it, write it anyway and tear it up. Breaking the chain is difficult but necessary.
12. Finally, claim acceptance. It’s the only way to move on. Holding on means damaging yourself. You can survive these injuries only if they are acknowledged and accepted. Remember, feelings are never wrong or bad. What we do because of feelings can be wrong or bad, but that is a choice.
At some point, too, you must allow yourself to let go of what could have been—how you should have acted, and what you wish you had said differently. We must work as hard as you can to go on with our lives.
- Sort By
The 1 Thing Top CEOs Have in Common (and It Has Nothing to Do With Intelligence)
What’s in a name? Apparently a lot, according to the former head of Buzzfeed. Read about his theory on success.
BY BETTY LIU@BettyWLiu
Do people born in New York or San Francisco have a better chance at success? Does an Ivy League education matter when it comes to rising to the top? There’s a thousand different ways people become successful but there’s one thing they have in common.
Nicknames.
Yes, that’s what Jon Steinberg, former Buzzfeed President and founder of Cheddar, told me recently in a conversation for our podcast, Radiate (You can watch our first ever Radiate video interview here). Born Jonathan Ian Steinberg, he recalled how his mother would force everyone to call her son by his formal name.
The problem, of course , was everyone liked to say “Jon.”
“My mom always wanted everyone to call me Jonathan and people were always calling me Jon and I would correct them and say, ‘No, it’s Jonathan,’” he said. “And what I realized was, at a certain point, when people want to call you by a short name, they feel friendly towards you. They feel affection towards you.”
That affection, Jon says, breaks down walls between people.
“What’s interesting is I went through the Fortune 50 or the Fortune 100 or something and almost everybody goes by a nickname or a short name that’s like five characters,” he continued. "Jack Welch, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Reed Hastings-even though Reed is a formal name, it’s four characters, right? It’s very rare that you find somebody with a formal name that runs one of these large companies.
“I netted out on it that if people want to be close to you, and they want to give you a term of affection which is effectively what a nickname is-it’s off-putting to tell them no,” he said.
The next obvious question was what Jon actually felt. Jon or Jonathan?
“Jonathan,” he said. “I feel like I’m an eccentric person. I always feel like I’m on the outside and I think that Jonathan is sort of the name of an outsider.”
Hearing Jon-or Jonathan-talk about this reminded me of my own quirks with my name. People tend to think of my first and last name as one whole first name-“Hey Betty Lou!”- or believe Betty is short for Elizabeth. And my son Zachary is often called Zack by his friends, which I must admit as his mother, drives me bonkers.
If listening to Jon’s theory on nicknames is correct, then I’ll gladly give up some of that irritation for Zachary’s chance at success. And why stop there-perhaps I’ll just start calling him Z.
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:
The 1 Thing Top CEOs Have in Common (and It Has Nothing to Do With Intelligence)
What’s in a name? Apparently a lot, according to the former head of Buzzfeed. Read about his theory on success.
BY BETTY LIU
@BettyWLiu
Do people born in New York or San Francisco have a better chance at success? Does an Ivy League education matter when it comes to rising to the top? There’s a thousand different ways people become successful but there’s one thing they have in common.
Nicknames.
Yes, that’s what Jon Steinberg, former Buzzfeed President and founder of Cheddar, told me recently in a conversation for our podcast, Radiate (You can watch our first ever Radiate video interview here). Born Jonathan Ian Steinberg, he recalled how his mother would force everyone to call her son by his formal name.
The problem, of course , was everyone liked to say “Jon.”
“My mom always wanted everyone to call me Jonathan and people were always calling me Jon and I would correct them and say, ‘No, it’s Jonathan,’” he said. “And what I realized was, at a certain point, when people want to call you by a short name, they feel friendly towards you. They feel affection towards you.”
That affection, Jon says, breaks down walls between people.
“What’s interesting is I went through the Fortune 50 or the Fortune 100 or something and almost everybody goes by a nickname or a short name that’s like five characters,” he continued. "Jack Welch, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Reed Hastings-even though Reed is a formal name, it’s four characters, right? It’s very rare that you find somebody with a formal name that runs one of these large companies.
“I netted out on it that if people want to be close to you, and they want to give you a term of affection which is effectively what a nickname is-it’s off-putting to tell them no,” he said.
The next obvious question was what Jon actually felt. Jon or Jonathan?
“Jonathan,” he said. “I feel like I’m an eccentric person. I always feel like I’m on the outside and I think that Jonathan is sort of the name of an outsider.”
Hearing Jon-or Jonathan-talk about this reminded me of my own quirks with my name. People tend to think of my first and last name as one whole first name-“Hey Betty Lou!”- or believe Betty is short for Elizabeth. And my son Zachary is often called Zack by his friends, which I must admit as his mother, drives me bonkers.
If listening to Jon’s theory on nicknames is correct, then I’ll gladly give up some of that irritation for Zachary’s chance at success. And why stop there-perhaps I’ll just start calling him Z.
OMG 
..aap to sote hi nhi ho
It is Perception
THE SITUATION:
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent — without exception — forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days earlier, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged over $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
Are we able to recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Enjoy life NOW . . . it has an expiry date!
😊👍💐
@Beinghuman
@JonSnow
@prebhartia
@vishusgh
@cuteangel
@Smarty
@mahidada
@A2Zdeals
BASIC PRINCIPLES of A O L
1. You know there are ups and downs in life. Pleasant things happen, unpleasant things happen. The first principle is: In all situations, keep the balance of the mind.
Often what happens, when things go our way, we are so happy. But when things don’t go our way, we get depressed and angry. To maintain equanimity is the first principle.
2. The next principle is to accept people as they are. Accept difference; it could be temperament, ideology, whatever. Accept them as they are. A very important principle.
3. The third principle is, don’t be a football of others’ opinions. Don’t worry what others are thinking about you. In fact, nobody has time to think about you. Look into yourself and see what is right and what is not right for you, by yourself.
4. The next point is, don’t see intention behind others’ mistakes. Very important. Inside every culprit there is a victim crying for help. Recognizing that.
5. And live in the present moment.
These are the basic five things that we have to
in mind.
What happens with these basic principles? Three things happen. Purity of heart, clarity of mind, and sincerity in action. That’s all.
~~HH Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
Nice story for you all
" Take care of yourself "
A cobbler lived in a large village and he was the only cobbler in town, so he was responsible for repairing the boots of everybody else. However, he didn’t have time to repair his own boots. This wasn’t a problem at first, but over time, his boots began to deteriorate and fall apart. While he worked feverishly on the boots of everyone else, his feet got blisters and he started to limp. His customers started to worry about him, but he reassured them that everything was ok.However, after a few years, the cobbler’s feet were so injured that he could no longer work and no-one’s boots got repaired. As a consequence, soon the entire town started to limp in pain, all because the cobbler never took the time to repair his own boots.
This simple principle is so often disregarded. If you don’t look after yourself, after a while you’ll be no good to anyone else either. Your best intentions will mean nothing and you’ll be unable to do what you’re meant to do. This goes for leaders, social workers, teachers advocates even parents.
If you don’t take the time to care for yourself, no-one else will.
Are you taking care of yourself ?
Have a good time ahead and kindly take care of yourself to help others around (colleagues /family members)
-———
@sbdtrial @Glp
@Achilles @panchabhut
@JonSnow @cancob
@Born Legend
BUSINESS NETWORKING ACADEMY
Public speaking tips to help you make the most of networking
“The success of your presentation will be judged not by the knowledge you send but by what the listener receives.”
Lilly WaltersI just got back from a work trip to Adelaide and had the pleasure of sitting next to a lady who teaches University lecturers how to be more engaging. It got me thinking about the number of events I go to where the presenters just don’t seem to connect with the audience and the negative effect this has on your experience (don’t even get me started about some of my lecturer’s all those years ago 
) . I know that public speaking can be a terrifying occasion for many people, and just the thought of it can evoke nerves and anxiety. Most people are not used to having a room full of individuals paying attention to everything they say and do.
Lacking confidence, letting nerves get to you or being unprepared means you’re not making the most of that opportunity to position yourself and your organisation to a room full of potential connections
Giving an excellent presentation (or even a confident positioning statement) is something that can be learned. Here are our best public speaking tips to help nervous and novice speakers impress their audience.
1. Start with a message. Instead of launching into it, start with a message that will benefit your audience and capture their interest instantly. Instead of the usual “Good morning everyone, my name is John and I run a private accounting firm. We specialise in blah blah blah….”, try something like “Good morning everyone. What if I told you there was one simple thing you can do in your business today that will save you over a thousand dollars in tax a year”. Then proceed to explain. Their instant attention will boost your confidence.
2. Be yourself. The best public speeches, no matter the length, are conversational. It’s not the theatre so don’t be an actor, and don’t simply read from a pre-written script. Pretend they are your best friends to help relax you.
3. Think about your audience. When you’re nervous about speaking, all you generally think about is yourself – what you’re going to say, how you’re going to look, how you’ll stop yourself rushing through your words or not forget them altogether. Instead, think of your audience as a room full of listeners. Your speech is going to benefit them, and once you realise that you’ll feel more prepared.
4. Practice, practice, practice. The more you speak in front of an audience, the more comfortable you’ll feel doing it. Try some small events before you move onto the big ones, and practice in front of family and friends.
5. Find a speaking coach. A (good) public speaking coach or mentor will work through some highly beneficial techniques with you to make sure you’re well prepared and come across well to your audience.
Public speaking is a talent that can be learned, and fears surrounding it can be overcome.
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.
उल्फत में अक्सर ऐसा होता है;
आँखे हंसती हैं और दिल रोता है;
मानते हो तुम जिसे मंजिल अपनी;
हमसफर उनका कोई और होता है!
हजार जाम, हजार मयखाने मगर,
निगाह-ए-यार की लज्जत शराब क्या जाने ?
बड़े याद आते है वो भूले बिसरे दिन,
कुछ तेरे साथ, कुछ तेरे बिन …
@B@R_0_0_D wrote: हजार जाम, हजार मयखाने मगर,
निगाह-ए-यार की लज्जत शराब क्या जाने ?
बड़े याद आते है
@B@R_0_0_D wrote: वो भूले बिसरे दिन,
कुछ तेरे साथ, कुछ तेरे बिन …
@pooppyy @DAN <a href=“http://cdn1.desidi...om ”https://cdn1.desidime.com/assets/textile-editor..." alt=“redface” border=“0”/>"><img src=“http://cdn1.desidi...om ”https://cdn1.desidime.com/assets/textile-editor..." alt=“redface” border=“0”/>"> ??
or is it 
@parita @eldajohnson naughty boy ! ?
The Most Important Skill Every Successful Leader Must Have
Ariell
Many young entrepreneurs and business owners think that innovation, marketing and financial know-how are the keys to the success of a business. Those are all important factors, but there is a single, more important factor.
Entrepreneurs and business owners spend a majority of their time talking to people: explaining ideas, directing others, helping, listening, speaking, networking, and taking advice. However, even though everyone talks, not everyone is a good communicator. Plato famously said: “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.”
When you look around at successful entrepreneurs and successful people generally, you typically discover that the best leaders are also terrific communicators. In fact, strong communication is a key to the success of both individuals and teams. (If you want to read more about building great teams and the importance of communication, I recommend you read: The New Science of Building Great Teams in the Harvard Business Review).
Brian Tracy, a successful author, speaker, and CEO of Brian Tracy International, says, “Your ability to communicate with others will account for fully 85% of your success in your business and in your life.” Tracy built his platform of helping other business owners succeed based on the idea that effective communicators are more successful because they are able to be more persuasive, take advice, build relationships, manage and lead better, and just overall be more effective in the role they have in their companies.
Research conducted at the Carnegie Institute of Technology showed that only a mere 15% of financial success came from technical skills or actual knowledge. The rest (85%) came from the ability to effectively communicate with others, both when speaking and listening. Award winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman agrees:
People would rather do business with a person they like and trust rather than someone they don’t, even if the likeable person is offering a lower quality product or service at a higher price.
Why are some people great communicators, and others are ineffective?
The secret lies in how the person with whom you’re communicating perceives you. In one of his seminars, Dr. John Lund talks about the three most important things the other person wants to know in a conversation:
Is this conversation going to be painful?
How long is this conversation going to take?
What do you want from me?
Sound familiar? It probably does – because these are the same questions you ask yourself before the start of a conversation – especially in business where everyone seems to want something. Once you understand that the other person is mainly concerned about these three things, you become a good communicator when you address them right away. By getting those questions answered, the other person can focus on the conversation and it becomes a productive use of time.
For the first question, check your tone and medium of communication. After all, there are varying levels of conversation intimacy. Much like body language, the medium you choose to use tells the other person a lot about what they should expect. For example, if you’re using email or are speaking in a stiff manner when you’re usually relaxed, the other person will expect that the conversation will be painful. You also should anticipate the other person’s views and feelings. Doing so will help you to put them at ease.
Remember too that listening is as important – and probably more important – than talking. According to Peter Drucker (a famous writer, professor and management consultant), “[t]he most important thing in communication is hearing what is’t said.”
To properly answer the second question (how long is this conversation going to take?), you may first have to answer the third (what do you want from me?). Once you concretely say exactly what you want or aim to get, the other person is able to gauge how willing they are to help you or give it to you. This allows them to also estimate the time it will take for you to reach an agreement.
When you cannot answer these question right away, the other person will do their best to avoid you.
Think about it, you always ignore a salesperson that has no direction, or an entrepreneur that is blindly fishing for favors. People don’t like to waste their time, especially in business. Being a good communicator is being precise and concrete, and knowing the different patterns and channels for communication which are appropriate depending on the situation.
Importantly, always put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It’s not just a throw-away expression. By understanding how you would react if you were listening to yourself, you can learn to communicate better.
Please click
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6TLnN6C-Lz_TX... and listen to Pooja Gaitoinde,
music that will take you to another level.
She had performed this musical trat on Zee TV Marathi program. Pooja Gaitonde sings Sufi songs, Ghazals and Ragdari. Her voice and command on Urdu mesmerizes listeners. She plays Harmonium beautifully. Sangeet means Aradhna.
On this hour long program she sang following classical songs
1. Ranjish hi sahi 2. Aaj jane ki zid na karo 3. Sajanva Sawan .ki rut aayee 4. Bismillah Bismillah 5. Chhab talak chheen li, mujh se naina milai ke 6. Sakhi shahbaz Qalandar 7. Marammat muqaddar ki kar do ae mola 8. Konkani Bhajan Vynkat 9. Man kunto Mola Ali
Pooja Gaitoinde’s deep emotions are worth watching; they are as beautiful as herself.
Time, Miracles and Life
Can we imagine time without a clock? A clock actually indicates events. On earth we entangled it with the movement of the earth round the Sun. Without our notice, we are actually using our basic inability to see the major portion of the Universe which is in the invisible spectrum. Our inability to see everything has become the convenience for marking and measuring time.
But suppose you can see everything. Suppose you see the energies sprouting as particles, particles into atoms, atoms into molecules, molecules into matter, matter becoming life forms and again retuning into the lifeless stage, the events or non events in space…everything? Then you see that everything is in fact only energy. It is energy transformations and we need to mark those energy transformations to lay the foundations to mark and measure time. But we need to notice a repetitive system in these energy transformations. Unless there is a system that repeats routinely, it will not be possible to measure and mark time.
On the earth with our basic inability to see everything, we have built a cocoon of illusion or unreality and that cocoon has become the basis of understanding. We are trying to understand the universe on the basis of the paradigms and parameters of earth bound handicapped existence or the cocoon unreality. Anything that does not conform to the cocoon unreality, we write off as nonsense.
Today, quantum physics is shocking and taking us to the real reality which is very puzzling and which hither to we have put under the heading of miracles and nonsense. It has put your own consciousness and outlook as the ultimate and only subject matter. It is forcing us into the field of enlightenment and wisdom, where timelessness is the foundation.
But the concept of time is, in reality, an addiction or an inescapable foundation for our thinking. So almost defiantly against mysticism, the realm of God, we are trying to make a system out of the anarchy in the micro-cosmos. We want to escape from the patent fact that we cannot know or notice time in the present when we actually experience the present only. In fact by the time one notices, the fact must have flown away at the speed of 1, 86,282 miles per second. And when we experience, we cannot observe and analyze. Observation always is recollection. There is no time at the time of the actual experience. Unfortunately we spend the present in introspection and actually live retrospectively, missing the present. Only after we deliberately put a stop to experiencing and start analysing, we enter the illusion called time. If you do not put an end to experiencing you cannot know time. With analysis we separate ourselves from the Universe and literally do a post mortem and that sir, is time. We can put analysis as the meaning of time in our dictionaries. But time can only be in the past tense. In the present tense time becomes pure experience and you participate in the Universe. You actually contribute to the functioning of your Universe, because the act of observation creates and changes the subject matter. The energy in the shape of super positional waves becomes particle due to notice.
In particle physics we are trying to create, in reality, time concepts. We have classified the sub-atomic particles, to analyse the Universe from the Big bang on or even before the big bang, imposing the concepts of before and after on our study.
Sir, what actually is objectivity? It is detachment or making ourselves redundant in the Universe. Analysis needs objectivity and so we have to cut ourselves off from the present or the actual participation in the Universe. It is the opposite of the ultimate Amandanada or the situation when you become totally the experience called ananda or happiness, which we actually enjoyed when we were only months old.
Now where is this mechanical or technological paradigm taking us? Well, detachment is certainly creating restlessness and the machines are eliminating us by making our organs redundant. We have entered the empire of the computers, for computers and of computers. In the Universities we have abolished the faculties of philosophy. Theology itself is getting ridiculed. The paradox is the word; theory itself is a derivative of the concept of the Theo or God. Our atheist friends (fiends to the theists), still use the word theory, without noticing that they are actually admitting their THEORIES as God ordained! The word science is derived from the root word Scio which means to know, so know the Divine.
YM
Countryside view :
While stitching an injury on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand had been caught in the squeeze gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are ‘Post Turtles’.‘’
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ’post turtle’ was.
The old farmer explained: “Well – when you’re driving down a country lane and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top of it, well – that’s a post turtle.”
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face and realized he hadn’t explained himself very well, so he continued:
“Y’see – it’s obvious he didn’t get up there by himself, he don’t belong up there, he don’t know what to do while he’s up there, he’s elevated above his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there in the first place.”
Interesting description of a politician I’ve ever come across. And the guys who put him there.
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good but….. 12 stages Who cares when you r really in it…. and after recovery we shld nt care….