https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1158187
Alpha.Barood
Link Copied
Corporate Jokes (To make us light)
- 57255
- 1063
-
- Last Comment
This emails sent by my friend PR
3 PARROTS
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
“Rs. 2500.”, the man said. "Well what does he do?
“He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
“He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters.”
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, “Rs. 10,000.”
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird’s specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven’t seen him do anything.
But the other two call him " BOSS"!!
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1158192
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1159905
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1162615
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1166092
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1166154
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1166159
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1167151
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1167156
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1167202
Chicken story
(mind blowing climax):
A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock…
As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market…
Old cock to Young cock:
“Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity…
Young cock: What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can’t I help you with some?
Young cock: No!! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have
all.
Young cock: OKKK..
What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
In the morning the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off &
when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock’s back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly…..“BANG” !!!
Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer…
who cursed,
“Hell”
This is the 5th GAY cock I’ve bought this week." ??
Moral: Always respect your seniors & Watch out for corporate politics
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1167912
Corporate Bhagwad Gita
Hey Employee,
Tum pichli late promotion kapaschatap mat karo Tum Agli Promotion ki chinta bhi mat karo Bus apni current posting se hi prassan raho Tum Jab nahin the tab bhi ye office chal raha tha Tum jab nahin hoge, tab bhi ye chalta rehega Jo Laptop aaj tumhara hai,
Kal kisi or ka tha Parso kisi or ka hoga. Tum ise apna samaj kar magan ho rahe ho.
Yahi tumhare samast
dukho ka kaaran hai. Appraisal, incentive, promotion increment ye shabad apne man se nikal do Phir tum is office ke ho Aur ye office tumhara hai
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1167922
For all Employees
All of you who have seen the movie “A Wednesday”.. will love these rephrased Naseerudin Shah Dialogue’s…
Manager:- Kaun ho tum..??? Kya pehchan hai tumhari ?
Unknown Employee: Kaun hoon main..!!! Mein woh hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Main woh hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta hai, Yeh soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchaan ne se inkar na kar de…
Main woh hoon jo, Aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se naa nikal de..
Main woh hoon jiski biwi use roz 10 bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
Mera haal poochhne ke liye ya kaam poochhne ke liye nahi,.. Balki woh yeh jaananaa chahti hai ki… Mein field mein kaam kar raha hun ya pressure mein aakar kahin baithkar daru pee raha hun…
Main woh hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. woh bhi time mil jaye to…
Main woh hoon jo aksar phasta hain.. Kabhi Interviews ke sawaal me phasta hai , Kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal me phasta hai, kabhi boss ke bawaal me fasta hai.
Walk-In interview ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne… Uss bheed me se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. Main woh hoon..
I’m ….. JUST A STUPID COMMON EMPLOYEE.
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1168975
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1169860
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1172319
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1172320
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1172913
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
- Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
- Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
- Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1172946
The power of repetition
A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique.
“The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote!” he advised. “If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people’s throats and beat them over the head with it! Above all, don’t ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat! It’s the only way to get results!”
“Yes, sir!” the employee answered.
“And now, what was it you came in to see me about?” the boss asked.
The employee replied, “A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise!”
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1172949
Smart salesperson
A real estate agent had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
“That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”
“Money back?” roared the boss.
“What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!”
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1172953
One-man workforce
Employee: “I have been here for 11 years doing three men’s work for one man’s pay. Now I want a raise”.
Boss: “Well, I can’t give you a raise, but if you’ll tell me who the other two men are, I’ll fire them”.
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1177747
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1177751
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1179326
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1179909
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1179917
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1179923
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1180602
Considering financial situation, our Stock Exchange has revised the following terms:
BSE:- Bombay se exit
NSE:- Nation se exit
F/O:- Future over
NIFTY: No income for this year
FII:- Fraudulent international investors
HNI:- Has no idea
PMS:- Pre mediated scam
SIP:- Suicide by investing patiently
EBITDA:- Exit before it tumbles down again
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1180647
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1181431
Quote – Dalai Lama
Judge the success by what you had to give up in order to get it
https://www.desidime.com/discussions/corporate-jokes-to-make-us-light?page=6#post_1182366
Click here to reply
Reply
 for Rs. at ){kind=link}