Joke of the day

Side effects of alcohol…. And remedies!!!

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause- Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You’re lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom- The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You’re looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You’re being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they’re taking you!

5. Symptom-You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You’re in the wrong house.
Cure -Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You’re in an ambulance.
Cure- Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job!!!! …….

He treated a woman for yellow jaundice for three years Before he realized she was Chinese.
_~~~
Another time, he gave a Patient six months to live.
At the end of the six months,the patient hadn’t paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.
_~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
“Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.”
The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
_~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, “Doctor, doctor! – my son just swallowed a roll of film!”
The doctor calmly replied, “Well let’s just wait and see what develops.”
_~~~
One patient came in and said, “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem”
The doctor asked, “When did it start?”
The man replied, “When did what start?”
_~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears.
His advice: “Don’t answer it.”
_~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him,“Doctor, I think I’m a bell.”
The doctor gave him some pills and said,
“Here, take these —
If they don’t work, give me a ring.”
_~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards
The doctor simply said,
“Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”
_~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.
_~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner.

Good Bye Grandpa…..
An oldie but a goodie..

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa.”

The father asked, ‘Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?’

The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, “God bless Mummy God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”

The next day the grandmother died.

“Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, “God bless Mummy and good-bye Daddy.”

He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”

He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life”

She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”

A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California,

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

’Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000’ the jeweller said.

The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, ’We’ll take it.’

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated:

‘I’ll pay by cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.’

On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said, ‘There was only $25 in your account.’

‘I know, said the old man, ’but let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!’

REMEMBER… Not All Seniors Are Senile…

Who said car names don’t have meaning

FIAT: Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.

FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.

HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing’s Drivable And Inexpensive….

VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.

OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life

TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.

HONDA: Hanged Over, Now Driving Away.

BMW: Big Money Waste.

And the best..

MARUTI: Made According to Roads Users, Typically Indian.

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window “I want to open a Damn checking account.”

The astonished woman replied: “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it! I said I want to open a damn checking account – now!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.”

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old fella,

“Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no damn problem,” the man says.

“I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank, okay?”

I see," says the manager, “and is this bitch giving you a hard time?”

Mother of Wide Ball by Malinga

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1949946673…

Wood Eye
(would I)

Two friends go out to a club. One friend with a wooden eye says that he’s nervous about girls making fun of him. His friend tells him not to worry.

*
Excited, she says, “Would I?”*

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai ….. agar zindagi teri zulfo ki chhav me guzar jati to HOME LOAN lene ki zarurat na padti..

Hillary – ous!

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she’s pregnant.

She is furious…

Here she is in the middle of her run for Presidency of the US… Now this has happened to her!

She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming:

How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on right now, you go and get me pregnant. How could you?
I can’t believe this. I’ve just found out I’m five weeks pregnant and it’s all your fault. Well, what have you got to say?’

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, ‘Did you hear me?’

Finally she hears Bill’s very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he asks: ’Who’s speaking?’

Pyaar sabi ko chahiye…

Yashraj film wala chahiye

aur ladkon ko Mahesh Bhatt wala…….!!!!!

Moulvi apni biwi ki Qabrr pe zor zor se PANKHA chala ke RO Raha tha.
Kisi ne kaha- Itni Mohabbat? Ya Allah!
Moluvi ne kaha- Marne wali keh gayi thi, meri qabar ki mitti sukhane ke baad hi dusra nikah karna.
Pata nahi koun sala roj 2 balti🚿 pani dal jata hai