A dentist noticed that his next patient, a nice little older lady,
was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

‘Do you know how they make these gloves?’ he asked.

‘No, I don’t,’ she replied.

‘Well,’ he spoofed, ’there’s a building in Canada with a big tank of latex,
and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands,
let them dry, Then peel off the gloves and throw them
into boxes of the right size.’

She didn’t crack a smile.

‘Oh, well.. I tried,’ he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of
the procedure, she burst out laughing.

’What’s so funny?’ he asked.

‘I was just envisioning how condoms are made!’

(Gotta watch those little old women!
They may be OLD; they may be slow …
but their minds are always working!)

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?’

‘Eight’, the boy replied.

The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for?’

The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four."

“Oh, really?” the pharmacist replied with a grin.

“Yes.” the boy said.

“We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike.
Right now, he can’t do none of those.”

At an interview

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster.
The interview went quite well with one problem – he kept winking at the camera.

The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking is a real problem. I’m afraid we won’t able to hire you unless you get it under control.”

news anchor
“Oh, that’s no problem,” said the man. “If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking for a couple of hours. More than enough time to get the broadcast done”

“All right, show me,” said the interviewer.

So the man reached into his pocket. First he put his hand in his right pocket, and as he took it out he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety and size, but no pills.

Next he dug into his left pocket, and again pulled out an embarrassing amount of condoms in all shapes and colours before finally finding the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and the second take went without a single hitch.

The interviewer said, “That’s amazing, I’d hire you on the spot, except that we’re not in the habit of hiring such womanisers. We’ve had too many sexual harassment suits.”

“Excuse me!” exclaimed the man, “I’m a happily married man, not a womaniser!”

“Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?” asked the interviewer.

The man sighed.
“Have you ever tried going into a pharmacy, asking for aspirin and winking all the while?”

feeding after the spray ?

On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.

Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the
bank which was worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than
Three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!’

That’s when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when
To keep their mouths shut

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

ORIGIN OF THE WORD TESTIFY……………

For your legal knowledge! Sounds hilarious but it is a Fact !!!! "In old Roman Courts, instead of taking oath on the sacred books, men used to swear holding their testicles.

Hence the word ‘testify’ originated from ‘testicles’.
If proved false, the testes of liars were cut fed to the dogs tied nearby.
(This punitive action could be very effective even today, especially for many politicians in power !!!)

http://m.timesofindia.com/city/mumbai/Mumbai-co...

@@@Magus@@

@goldigger

@Gr@h@m@lkene™