I come from small village of Bihar, I was student of JNV and I had been staying out of my hometown most of the times. I work in It Company in Bangalore. Due to all this I am not into any kind of discrimination/partiality with any one. My behaviour depends on the behaviour of person in front of me.
My parents are narrow minded as usual(dimer from Bihar knows it better).
My father wants to control everything. He thinks in a way that he is always correct and whatever he is doing and don't need advice. Even if he feels that he need advice he will seek advice from others instead of family members. He becomes a civil engineer if there is ongoing construction at home.
My Mother goes for favoritism for my younger brother and sister(married).
When I started earning(22k) My father used to ask money If I have any. You can call me fool. I used to send all the remaining money I was having to my father(may be because of love/respect for my father). It used to be (5-6k). I came to know later that my father used to laugh on that seeing the amount. This continued until my father asked me to take loan of 5 lakh and give it to him for land purchase. I consulted my mother and brother and took the loan with a condition that my father would pay me 15k so that I can close loan early. Condition was never met. There were remaining funds after land purchase but instead of giving it to me, my father used it for unnecessary work(installing granite at home where no one lives or going to live in near future)
However my brother arranged funds whenever possible to do the part payment. I returned to him later. I used to order mobile phones on NCEMI and use funds to do the part payment
During Corona 2nd Wave I came home and stayed for longest duration at home in my life and problem started from there.
My loan somehow got closed and my father came to know and again started asking money. I resisted as My mother asked me to order some equipment's(fridge/cooler). Within 3 months of coming home, I got engaged. Now I had new person in life. I learned from her that I should have done savings. That's correct I was fool. I started saving slowly. But my father knew my salary(I had to share salary slip with him because girl's family asked for it before proceeding). It started making him pissed.
Extension of home(home where we live in village) started during that time as rooms were less. Now my father became civil engineer and started asking workers to construct as he wants. This started conflict because I wanted my room at least as per my choice. Conflict became common and my parents started thinking that I am being controlled by the girl as I never used to question their decisions(because i was not home any time for more that 15 days).
Conflict continued and my words became as harsh as the words coming from person in front of me. I started over thinking and I got health issue for lifetime.
My mom started over thinking and got lifetime health issue but my mom never got rid of favoritism.
My father already had health issue even before I came home for long duration.
I took loan of 9 lakh around during my marriage, settled as soon(within 8 months) I can and never told my parents. for them it was 2 year minimum. After two year again my father started asking money I clearly denied and he got very pissed with me.
Recently I got blessed with baby girl(C section)
while we were at hospital her father came, I sent him back as he was shivering. We never expected for C section but an emergency situation came(created by doctor itself without informing she broke fluid sac). It was 6PM (coldest weather of Bihar) and I consulted my father but didn't get clear instruction/advice. I took the decision for C section.
My father got pissed because of that as well. My mother is no less than my father(in another way). I never got support from her. Imagine when I bought a electric kettle to boil water/heat food while at Hospital she got pissed.
Now coming to ladies thing: as usual my wife expect my mom to treat her the same way my mom treat my sister. like buying a jewellary for her as well if buying for my sister.
But situation is like even though my sister is married she demands and her demand is fulfilled but nothing to very less for my wife.
we do celebrate in a grand way to welcome a new born but it didn't happened this time(reason: conflict).
My wife have a genetic condition(results in low hemoglobin always. got to know recently).
She feels tired every time and there is only one member in house who can help is mom. My mom has mental issue(of cleaning everything. I bought washing machine for her but she prefer washing by hand. I bought mop for her but she does by hand). due to this she doesn't get time and also her health problem become intense.
My wife wanted to go her home(her mother has passed away long ago) as there many people to hold/entertain our daughter but my parents are not allowing her to go her home.
Reason for that from my father: none of family members came to see my wife.
But actually he father came two times and he family members came for a day at hospital. Her brother stayed with me at hospital for a night.
My father expectation: why no one was there from my wife's family at the time of operation.
My logical thinking: at 6:30 PM no in cold weather with full fog everywhere how can anyone expect them to cover 1 hr distance(on normal day).
Today conflict got intense as my father was not ready to listen from others prospective.
Million of thanks to you for reading my story. How can I handle not getting a way? If you have any credible advice please suggest.
I can tell you go back to place where you work.i.e Bangalore. Tell your parent you are planing to buy a house as rent is costly and if your economics and need allow then buy a house. Tell them as emi is high and you have took it on 20-25 years you can't help out for your home that much. Some times distance is best solution. As you said there was not much conflict when you used to visit for small period of time.
Shift to b'lore with your wife and baby.
Tell your parents and siblings that you've lost your job.
Ask them for financial help. They will refuse but at the same time they will stop pestering you for money.
Leave your father. you all stay at a rented house