Existing Actuality

My friend handed me his welding mask a week ago and told me to paint whatever.. I delivered.

God Created Millions Of Faces With Different Looks..

But When He Reached China., He Was Tired..

Then He Started..

Copy.,Paste.,
Copy.,Paste..

Dracula

Once upon a time, Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which was the finest bat to stand on his side was. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drank more blood would be the winner. So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes, her mouth full of blood. Dracula says, “Congratulations, what did you do?”

The bat said, “Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family.”

“Very good”, said the Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes her face all covered with blood. Dracula is astonished and says, “What did you do?”

The bat replies, “Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drank the blood of all the children.”

“Impressive”, says Dracula.

Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes, literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned.

“What on Earth happened?”

The bat replies, “Do you see that tower?”

Dracula replies, yes.

The bat says, “Well, I didn’t”.

Height of Smiley usage) 
Boyfriend & girlfriend on wats app :

Boy: kesi ho…??
Girl:

Boy: missing me..?
Girl:-

Boy: yar meri tabiyat kharab hai
Girl:-:-{

Boy: aaj kaisa din guzra…??
Girl::cool:

Boy: busy ho…??

Girl: umhm ..

Boy:- Koi paas hai…??
Girl: na :oops:

Boy: To kuch likh to sahi…. acchha bataa, I heard u failed in English?

Girl: Who TOLDED you? It is unpossible.. I sawed d result one day before today… I Passed away. The girl who tolded u has lied down for me many times. Don’t trust this notifications. 

Boy:  meri maa tu smiley hee use kar..

Plane crash
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m afraid I have some very bad news…
Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks:
“Esther, did we pay our VISA and Master Card bills yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks:
“Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”

“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,” she says.

“One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the estimated tax cheque to the IRS this quarter?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Abe,” begged Esther. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.

Esther pulls away and asks him:
“What was that for?”
_
Abe answers:
“They’re bound to find us!”_

“Shu Khabar…?"

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh summons the secretary and asks him:
“How come these Gujaratis know everything before anyone else knows about it

“Secretary: There is a phrase in Gujarati "Shu Khabar?

“Manmohan Singh: What does that mean?

Secretary: It means “What’s the news” and each Gujjubhai asks this to other whenever they meet and the answers given by the other one circulates the news very fast and they happen to know everything the fastest.

PM decides to experience this so he removes his turban and disguises himself and dresses typically like a Gujarati and reaches Ghatkopar the typical Gujju hub of Mumbai city.

He sees one Gujjubhai and asks him “Shu Khabar?”

The Gujjubhai replies:
“Manmohaniyo Ghatkopar ma aavyo chhe em sambhaliyu chhe”

Golf for Beginners

Can’t even imagine how hard it is for that father not to jump over the barrier and beat that man to death.