Chill guys !!

Achilles wrote:

Chill guys !!

sharma_ji wrote:

Achilles wrote:

Chill guys !!

Om shanti !

Conversation seemed funnier than jokes…

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

sharma_ji wrote:

Achilles wrote:

Chill guys !!

Om shanti !

You guys need this one Bro..

A line written on a Husband’s T shirt :

All girls are Devil but my wife is QUEEN..

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

OF THEM…

A successful marriage is based on give & take:

Where husband gives money, Gifts, dresses n wife takes it

&

Where wife gives advices, lectures, Tensions & husband takes it..!!

A WOMAN’S LIFE IN 3 PICTURES

SINGLE                                                            

Chemistry Properties

A new Element is added to the chemistry -

Name: Wife
Symbol: Bv (those who don’t know Hindi Bv = Wife)
Atomic Weight: Don’t even dare to ask!

Physical Properties:
Boils at any time
Can freeze at any time
Melts if treated with love and care
Very bitter if mishandled

Chemical properties:
Very reactive
Highly unstable
Possess strong affinity for gold, silver, diamond and platinum and Money reducing Agent

Occurrence:
Mostly found in front of the mirror.

Now, Do You Need a LEXUS 455 ??

A friend of mine who is away on an extended visit to his Daughter who lives in the US sent me this:
“Toyota Lexus is an expensive car but one two many are seen here on the roads of Los Angeles.

I was a happy man the day my Son-in-law bought a brand new Lexus 455 LXS.

However, between the three of us (self, daughter & Son-n-law) we just couldn’t figure out how its radio worked,
and so I drove it back to the dealer the next day.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

“Watch this!” he said, “Nelson”!

The Radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”…

“Willie!” he replied, and promptly the song “On The Road Again….” started!!!

After a while the salesman said, “Kishore!”, and instantly ‘Yeh Shaam Mastani’ replaced Willie Nelson!!!

I happily drove back home, and for the next few days, every time I’d say,
‘Shastriya Sangeet,’ I’d get beautiful classical Indian music, and if I said, “Lata,” I’d get one of her awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple jumped a Red Light and nearly creamed my new car,
but I managed swerve away just in time to avoid them and yelled out to them, “Ass Holes”!!!

Immediately the Pakistani National Anthem began to play, sung by Asif Zardari and Mian Sharif,
backed up by Musharaf and The PPP Party, with Imran Khan on guitar, Farzana Raja on drums,
Shah Mahmood Qureshi on harmonica, Judge Chowdhury on tambourine,
George Bush on sax and Sherry Rehman on scotch…!

Damn, I LOVE this car!"

Wish you have a Stress Free day…

Blondes

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid.

So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies ‘yes’.

He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting inside the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said..

(You’ll love this…)

(I know you will…)
.
.
.
.
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

Blondes

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid.

So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies ‘yes’.

He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting inside the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said..

(You’ll love this…)

(I know you will…)
.
.
.
.
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS

Loved this:-P

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
- Patrick Murray

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas

The great question… Which I have not been able to answer… Is,
“What does a woman want?
- Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
- Anonymous

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
- Henny Youngman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
- Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
Electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
- James Holt McGauran

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
- Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
- Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
- Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong .
- Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
- Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
- Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
- Anonymous.

U will Love it.
Once there was an island where all the feelings lived together.
One day there was a storm in the sea and the island was about to drown.
Every Feeling was scared but Love made a boat to escape.
All the feelings jumped in the boat except for one feeling.
Love got down to see who it was
It was Ego

Love tried & tried but Ego didnt move.
Everyone asked Love to leave Ego & come in the boat but Love was meant to Love.
It remained with Ego.

All other feelings were left alive but Love died because of Ego !!

The Best Divorce Letter, Ever!

FIRST LETTER:

My Dear husband:

I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it
and the last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle,
had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new nightie.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want me or anything that connects
us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife.
PS.Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together!
Have a great life!

REPLY:

Dear Ex-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry
from what you’ve been.
I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching.
Too bad that doesn’t work any more.
I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind
was ‘You look just like a boy!’
Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice,
I didn’t comment……
and when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with
MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was
still on it and I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300
from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.
So when I won the $20 million Lotto, on Saturday,
I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris , but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dollar from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband…………….. Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.
I hope that’s not a problem.

Simple Test for Love & Affection:

Put your Wife in a room and lock it. Put your dog in another room and lock it.
Open both the rooms after 1 hour…… and see WHO is HAPPY to see you…!!!

मांग भरने की सजा कुछ इस कदर पा रहा हूँ
की मांग पूरी करते-करते, अब मांग-मांग के खा रहा हूँ…!!!

पापा: बेटी, बड़ीहो केक्या करोगी?
बेटी: शादी…
पापा: गलतबात है… अभी सेकिसी काबुरा नहींसोचते…!!

पति नेपान खरीदके पत्नीको खानेके लिएदिया.
पत्नी: अरे… आप ने तोअपने लिएलिया हीनहीं..!!
पति: में तोऐसे हीखामोश रहसकता हूँ…!!!

ता नेकैफे मेंलड़की को I LOVE YOU कहा.
लड़की नेचांटा मारा, औरबोली: क्याबोला?
संता (रोतेहुए): जब तुनेसुना हीनहीं, तोचांटा क्यूमारा?

ता नेकैफे मेंलड़की को I LOVE YOU कहा.
लड़की नेचांटा मारा, औरबोली: क्याबोला?
संता (रोतेहुए): जब तुनेसुना हीनहीं, तोचांटा क्यूमारा?

Difference between पति and गधा:
Husband गधा hi होताहै…
but गधा इतनाभी गधानहीं, कीवो पतिबन जाए..!!!