Direct Object

Bobby’s class was having an English lesson and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object.

Bobby stood and thought, then said, “Teacher, everybody thinks you are beautiful.”

“Why thank you, Bobby,” the teacher said, blushing. “But what is the direct object?”

“A good report card next month,” he replied.

A young Arab asks his father, “What is that weird hat you are wearing?”

The father said, “Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun.”

“And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?” asked the young man.

“It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body.” said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, “These are ’babouches”, which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."

“So tell me then,” added the boy.

“Yes, my son?”

This is Lahore in Pakistan .. Most fashionable city, also known as Lollywood.

And this is Dewsbury in England..

A negro boarded a bus wth hiz son, conductr said-
.
.
itni gandi shakal ka baccha maine aaj tak nahi dekha !

Negro gets angry bt sayz nothing n takes a seat near santa.
.
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Santa- u look angry wat happened ?
Negro- d conductor insulted me !
.
.
.
Santa- to maar saale ko, la apna bandar mujhe pakda de

Wife: agar meri shadi kisi “rakshas” se bhi ho jati to mai itni pareshan nhi hoti jitni tumare sath hu

Husband: par blood relation me shadiya kaha hoti h?

Ye Ek sachi ghatna he jo abhi haal hi
mein Gujarat me hui !!!
Surat ke ek bahot hi bade diamond
businessman Mahesh Bhai Patel ka
iklote bete ka accident huva.
Wo abhi 16 years ka hi tha, He was too serious
Unfortunately Hosptial pochne ke
raste mein hi usne apni aakhri saans
li aur is duniya ko alvida kar diya
Lekin jaate jaate usne apne pita k
liye ek message diya tha Uske dad to jaise pagal se ho gaye
apne bete ki maut ka samachar
sunke. Unhe har jagah apna beta hi
dikhayi deta tha
Ye Sadma unse bardaasht nahi huya
lekin uske son ki ahkri iccha thi ki uski favourite place SAPUTARA mein
usko dafnaya jaye
Sabke mana karne k bavajud bhi
unhone apne bete ko dafnaya (As
you know Hindu dharam mein bury
nahi kiya jata ) Ussi Raat Mahesh bhai ne apne bete
ko hotel compound me ghumta
dekha lekin phir unhe ehsaas hua ki
wo unki sirf ek kalpana thi
Agle din Saputara se lautate samay
bhi unhe laga ki uska beta usse rokne ke liye piche daud raha hai
Akhir jab wo wapas surat aaye tab
4-5 din ke baad unhe ek call aya
jiski vajah se unke pairo ke niche ki
zameen khisak gayi
It was a call from his son stating that He wants to get back home
Jab ye baat dusro ko pata chali they
thought ki Mahesh bhai Pagal ho
gaye he lekin dusre din bhi call aya
Ab sab chinta me the aur saputara
poche Wahan jake dekha to unka son
wahin khada tha jaha usse dafnaya
gaya tha
Akhir me pata chala ki
Kabar banate samay kuch cement
uske muh me chali gai thi aur wo zinda ho gaya
Kyunki it was Ambuja Cement aur
is
cement me JAAN hai
plz dont kill me after reading this..

White House receptionist to OBAMA:

Sir, someone has called but not speaking anything..

Obama:
Tell him Namaste!
He must be Manmohan Singh from India.

Raising children

An elderly gentleman was strolling through a quiet residential neighbourhood when he came upon a little boy sitting on the curb, crying.

“What’s the trouble, son?” he asked. “Are you lost?”

“Worse than that,” the youngster sobbed.

“Mom lost her book on child rearing and now she’s using her own judgment!”

Clueless indicator

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. “I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”

Kid stuff

A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, “Who am I?”

Ready to play the game she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?”

“WOW!” cried the child. “Mrs Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognise me!”

Meeting between two geniuses

Both were Jews

Einstein said to Chaplin: “What I most admire about your art, is your universality. You don’t say a word, and the rest of the world understands you”

“It is true”, answered Chaplin, "but your glory is even greater the whole world admires you, even though they don’t understand a word of what you say "

Every woman faces 2 major problems whenever she opens her
almari.
.
.
Pahane ke liye koi kapra hi nhi,
aur rakhae ke liye koi jaga bhi nai.

After the fight..
She: Tum mujhe manaate hi nahin!
He: Tum kya Diwali ya holi ho??

*Wife- U luv me. *

*Hubby- Of course i do. *

*Wife- Toh aap meri parvah kyun nahi karte. *

Hubby- Pagli pyaar karne wale kissi ki parvah nahi karte

Maid: What do you want, sir?

Visitor: I want to see your master.

Maid: What s your business, please?

Visitor: There is a bill…

Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village…

Visitor: Which I have to pay him…

Maid: And he returned this morning.
Rehana

Posts: 4910
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2013 6:36 am

If a tiger attacks ur mother-in-law and ur wife at the same time, whom would u save? ………

SANTA : Ofcourse,
h1. The tiger.. very few are left..!!!!

Signalman

Greg wanted a job as signalman in the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The Inspector started questioning him.

“What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on te same track?”

“I would switch the points for one of the trains.”

“What if the lever broke?”

“Then I’d rush down out of the signal box and I’d use the manual lever over there.”

“What if that had been struck by lightning?”

“Then I’d run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box.”

“What if the phone was engaged?”

“Well in that case I’d rush down and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there.”

“What if that was vandalised?’

“Oh well then I ‘d run into the town and get my Uncle Bill.”

“Why would you that?”

“Because Uncle Bill has never seen a train crash.”

Irish Prostitute !

An Irish daughter had not been home for over three years.

Upon her return, her father yelled at her:

“Where have ye been all this time?

Why did ye not write to us? Not even a line. Why didn’t ye call?

Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"

The girl, crying, replied, Sniff, sniff….:

“Dad…..I was too embarrassed, I became a prostitute.”

“Ye what? Get out of here, ye shameless hussy! Sinner!

You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family, so yer are."

“OK, Daddy…as ye wish…”

“I just came back to give Mammy this luxurious fur coat, a title deed to an eight bedroom mansion plus a $5 million cheque.

For me little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex.

And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the Limerick Country Club.

She takes a breath and continues, “And an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Caribbean.”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says Daddy

Girl, crying again, Sniff, sniff…. “A prostitute Daddy!” Sniff, sniff.

“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death girl!

I thought ye said a PROTESTANT.

Come here and give yer old Daddy a big hug."

In view of CONgress’s Raj Babbar’s 12Rs meal
McDonalds are bringing out a new burger priced

@ – wait for it – 12Rs

Burger is to be called:

McBubber

Definition of Politician

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Am ringer, “the Mark Twain of American Socialism.”

I offered my opponents a deal:
“If they stop telling lies about me,
I will stop telling the truth about them”.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952…

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~Texas Guinan. 19th century American businessman

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981)

We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office.
~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become PM; I’m beginning to believe it.
~Quoted in ‘Clarence Darrow for the Defense’ by Irving Stone.

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton, American actor/writer

What happens if a politician drowns in a river?
That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown in a river?
That is a solution ….!!!

NaMo to a Lady:
Agar kisi mulk me aapke pati ko maar diya jaata hai, tho aap kya karogi ?

Lady to NaMo:
Mai uss Desh to Barbad kar ke rakh dungi.

NaMo:
Madam Sonia wahi tho kar rahi hai !