A man meets his friend
who has started wearing ear rings.

He asks “Since when did u start wearing earrings?”

Friend
“ever since my wife
found them in my car !

Ek sharabi full set ho k ghar ja raha tha. Raaste me mandir k bahar pujari dikha, sharabi ne pujari se pucha, “Sabse bada kaun?”

Us se peechha Chhudane k liye pujari ne kaha ye mandir bada.

Sharabi : Mandir bada to dharti pe kaise khada?

Pujari : Achchha to dharti badi.

Sharabi : Dharti badi to sheshnaag pe kyo khadi?

Pujari : To sheshnaag bada.

Sharabi : Sheshnaag bada to shiv k gale me kyo pada?

Pujari : To shiv bada.

Sharabi : Shiv bada to parvat pe kyo khada?

Pujari : Tab to parvat bada.

Sharabi : Parvat bada to hanuman ki ungli pe kyu pada?

Pujari : Aarre mere baap hanuman bada.

Sharabi : Hanuman bada to Ram k charno me kyo pada?

Pujari sar peet k bola : Ram bada.

Sharabi : Ram bada to sita k piche kyo pada?

Pujari : Arre mere baap to tu hi bata kaun bada?

Sharabi : Is duniya me vo bada jo puri bottle pee k bhi aapni tango par khada.

Stupid Questions Smart Answers
Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”

David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.
-————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?”

Student : “Brotherly love”.

Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”

Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”

Doctor : “One hundred per cent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

Too deep for me…

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?”

“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON ? OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

Secret of Employing Only Married Men
A certain factory had a policy, of hiring only married men

Concerned about this, the leader of a local Woman’s Liberation Front, called on the C.E.O. of that factory, and asked him:

“Why is it, that you limit your employees, to married men?

Is it because you consider us women weak, dumb, cantankerous, tantrum-throwers and/or bossy?"

That C.E.O. replied:

“Not at all, Ma’am. Our policy is to hire staff who:-

Are used to obeying orders, without questioning

Are accustomed to being shoved around.

Know how to keep their mouths shut.

And

Would put up with anything, when I yell at them.

And we found all these qualities, only in married men.

• six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.*

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa’s room.

“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said her Grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog.”

“Why?”

“Because my mom said as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World!”

Once a mother – in – law explaining the working of her house to her newly married Daughter – in – law ……;;)

she said i am the home minister as well as the finance minister of this house.:>

your Father in law is the Foriegn minister of this house ,

My son that is your husband,heads the ministry of demand and supply and my daughter that is u are husband’s sister, runs the planning & development ministry….!!

Now u tell which ministry would you like to run…….?

The daughter -in-law with a smile instantly replied well dear mother in law i will be running the ’’OPPOSITION’’:.

Sonia Gandhi Ek School visit karne gayi.

Ek class mein aakar woh boli:

“Bachcho koi sawaal puchna hain toh bina dare pucho.”

Pappu uthkar bola:

“Madam, mere 3 sawaal hain:

1) Aap khud Prime Minster kyun nahi bani?"

2) Ramleela maidan mein police kisne bheji?"

3) Aapka kitna paisa Swiss Bank mein hain?"

Isse pehle ki Soniaji jawab deti, recess ke liye bell baj gayi.

Recess ke baad…

Bablu khada hokar bola:

“Madam, mere 5 sawaal hain. Usme se 3 toh Pappu ne hi puch liye. Lekin baaki 2 mein puchunga.”

4) Recess ki bell 20 minute pehle kaise baji?"

5) “Aur Pappu kahan hain?!!”

Universal Fact :

Your Wife Only misses you the most when you’re partying with your friends…!  

Husband apni saas se – apki beti mein to hazaron kamiyan hain.
Saas – Haan beta, isi vajah se to use achcha ladka nahi mila.

Gujju Patel was living next to a British guy in London.
Once they had an argument over ’who leads a better life.

British: We have a big house

Gujju: I have a house next to yours & 4 more even bigger houses back in Gujarat.

British: I have Benz!

Gujju: I have 8 Benz!

British (confused): Really? But I never saw you with any!

Gujju: I have 3 in Amdavad – Maniben, Ramilaben and Kokilaben. 2 in Rajkot -
Jasuben and Nainaben. 2 live in London itself – Dayaben and Karunaben.

Total 7 Bens.
& this is my wife – Savitaben!

What is Alcohol..??

Answer…
Dimaag ke constipation ka Isabgul..!!!

Lene ke baad vichaar khul ke baahar aatey hai…!!!

Little Johnny
Teacher: “Children, tomorrow I’d like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development.”

At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: “Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny’s’ crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears rude, to get up and leave the class room”

Everybody agreed to this plan.

Next day, teacher: “Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anna”

Anna: “Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn’t have to walk so far to get bread and milk.”

Teacher: “Very good Anna! Yes Jane!”

Jane: “Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home”

Teacher: “Excellent, thank you Jane!”

At this point, little Johnny’s hand shoots up and the teacher asks:

“Oh heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your home.”

Little Johnny: “Near my home, they are building a brothel”

As all the young ladies get up and proceed to leave, Little Johnny says,

“Hold it, you little whores, it hasn’t opened yet!”

Idea

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

Kya aap facebk aur whats app ki madad se paise kamana chahte hai? 

To dono delete kar do Aur kam dhande pe lag jao😆😛

Wht is d opposit of “dominoz”
Think..
Tired?
“domi dsnt know”

1 more!
Wht is d opp of “pizza hut”?
Tired agn?..
“pizza hatna mat”

K another 1!
Wht is d opp of “gopalakrishnan”?
Keep thinkin..
its
“come-palakrishnan”

stp bangin ur head! Last 1..
Wht’s d opp of “subramanium sawmi”?
gave up?
Subramanium dint c me!;)

K..K.Last 1 promise
wat is d oposite of jogeshwari?
jogesh dont worry..!

Aurat 👵 Ne Kaha Ki Mera 👶 Baccha Beemar Hai Aur Dawa 💊💉 Ke Liye Paise 💵 Nahi Hain…

Marwari👴 Ne 1000 Ka Note Diya Aur Kaha:-

Jao Jaakar Dawa 💊💉 Lo Aur Doodh 🍼 Aur Fruits 🍎🍌🍒 Bhi Le Lena,

Baaki Paise Mujhe Waapis Aakar Dena Main Yahin Khada Hoon..

Thodi Derr Baad Aurat 👵 Aayi Aur marwari Ko Rs.800 Waapas Dekar Kaha :

Doctor Ne Rs.100Liye

Rs.80 Ke Fruits 🍒🍎🍌 Liye Aur Rs.20 Ka Doodh 🍼 Liya..

Marwari Khush Hua

Aur Sochne Laga ki,

“Nekki Kabhi Bekaar Nahi Jaati..

Doctor Ko Fees Mil Gayi,

Bacche Ko Dawa 💊💉 Aur Fruits 🍌🍒🍎 aur doodh 🍼 Mil Gaye

Aur…

Mera Naqli Note 💴 Bhi Chal Gaya.…

😄😜💥

Doctor pagal se- Ye kya hai?

Pagal- Ye maine 500 panno ki
kitab likhi hai…

Doctr- Tumne 500 panno pe kya
likha?

Pagal: 1st page pe likha hai 1 raja
ghode par baith ke jungal ki taraf

chala, aur akhri page pe likha ke
wo raja jungle pahuch gaya..

Doctor- To Kaminey!

Bich ke 498 panno pe kya likha?
Pagal- tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.

Option pe option😆😆

2 sikh soldiers capture a pakistani,
gave him a dice🎲 & said:
If u get 1,2,3,4,5,We’ll kill u.
Pakistani askd:
Aur agar 6 aya to?
Sikh Fauji:
‘LUDO’ nahi khela kya? Phir se chance milega…

An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life:

“A fight is going on inside me”, he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

“One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

“The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

“The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too”.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old chief simply replied, “The one you feed.”