A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.

The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.

The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing? "

The cabbie answered, “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel!”

Lion`s Green Card

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, ’Don’t you know I am the lion… king of the Jungle…, what’s wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas to me?’

The delivery boy politely said, ‘Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but ..did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey’s visa!!!

Moral: Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!

Hearing Aid.

Santa realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but was unwilling to spend too much money.
‘How much do they run?’ He asked the clerk.
‘‘That depends,’ said the salesman. ‘They run from Rs 20 to Rs 2,000.’
‘Let us see the Rs 20 model,’ he said.
The clerk put the device around Santa’s neck. ‘You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket,’ he instructed.
‘How does it work?’
‘‘For Rs 20 it doesn’t work,’ the salesman replied. But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder!’

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

But, all of Bubba’s neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass… and as the Priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.”

Bubba’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: “You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish.”

http://www.funonthenet.in/forums/Smileys//fun/l…

with malice towards none

“That would make me a Rahul Gandhi fan.

A bus load of American tourists was heading towards Punjab on G.T. Road when suddenly the driver slammed on the brakes.

Lying on the road in front was Santa with his ear to the ground. Passengers trooped out of the bus and crowded around him.

“Hey, what are you doing down there pal?” asked one of the tourists.

Santa slowly raised his head and replied:
“Green Matador 25 km away travelling at 80 km.”

“Wow,” exclaimed the tourist, “You can tell us that by listening to the road?”

“No,” croaked Santa, “I fell off the damned thing.”

Story of Bronze statue of A Rat

An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.

Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it.

He takes it to the owner: “How much for the bronze rat?”

“Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the

Story, “says the owner.

The tourist gives the man twelve dollars.

“I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story.”

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat,

He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys

And sewers and begin following him down the street.

This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.

But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind

Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.

He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still Squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay And throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he Can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay After it, and are all drowned.

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The man walks back to the curio shop.

“Ah ha,” says the owner, “You have come back for the story?”

“No,” says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!