Teasing Answers (Bakwas Band Kar)
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George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
‘Hello, Mr. Bush!’ a heavily accented voice said:
‘This is Gurmukhi from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab … I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!’
‘Well, Gurmukhi,’ Bush replied, ‘this is indeed important news! How big is your army’
Right now,’ said Gurmukhi, after a moment’s calculation, ‘there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour, and the entire kabaddi team from the Gurudwara. That makes eight’
Bush paused. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukhi that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.’
‘Arrey O! Main kya….’ said Gurmukhi. ’I’ll have to ring you back!’
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukhi called again.
‘Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukhi, I’m calling from Phagwara STD, and the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!’
‘And what equipment would that be, Gurmukhi’ Bush asked.
‘Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik’s tractor.’
Bush sighed. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukhi that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.’
‘Oh teri….’ said Gurmukhi. ’I’ll have to get back to you.’
Sure enough, Gurmukhi rang again the next day.
‘Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne…… We’ve modified Amrik’s tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind’s generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!’
Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukhi, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!’
‘Tera pala hove….’ said Gurmukhi, ’I’ll have to ring you back.’
Sure enough, Gurmukhi called again the next day.
‘Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.’
’I’m sorry to hear that,’ said Bush. ‘Why the sudden change of heart’
‘Well,’ said Gurmukhi, ’we’ve all had a long chat over a couple of lassi’s, and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!’
NOW THAT’S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE !!!
Two new antibiotics in market
Narendramycin
and
Modifloxacin.
Keep prescribing…To kill disease like congressitis and corruptorrhoea..!
Dose depends on severity of infection in your Local Area
New India journal of Medicine ( NIJM) says ……
Narendramycin and Modifloxacin are better than Expiry Rahulbactum + Soniacilline and Kejripenam !!!!
Face with stuck-out tongue and winking eyeFace with stuck-out tongue and winking eyecid:[email protected]…id:[email protected]…id:ezweb_ne_jp.1B6@goomoji…il
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Ek faqir maangne ke liye masjid ke baahar baitha raha …
Sab namaazi aankh bacha kar chale gaye …
Usey kuch na mila …
Who phir church gaya, phir mandir aur phir gurudware …
Lekin usko kissi NE kuch na diya …
Aakhir ek maikhane ke baahar aakar baith gaya …
Jo sharabi nikalta uske katorey mein kuch daal deta …
Uska katora noton se bhar gaya …
Faqir bola, ’wah mere maula !! Rahtey kahaan ho aur address kahaan ka dete ho"…
Old man has 8 hairs on his head.
He went to Barber shop.
Barber in anger asked:
shall is cut or count ?
Old man smiled and said:
“Colour it!”
Mistakes and Mistakes
If a barber makes a mistake,
It’s a new style
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a new Path
If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a venture
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a generation
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a law
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion
If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a new theory
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a New idea
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a Mistake Only
So don’t do any mistake today.
The Irony of Life …..
Pizza….always confuses us … it comes in a square box … when you open it … it’s round … when you start eating it … it’s triangle ! Life & People are also like Pizza … Look different .. Appear different .. & .. Behave absolutely different
Some pearls of wisdom
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman’s’ leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tyred, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . .
A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.
Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in an Indian restaurant in New York.
Sid asked Al, ‘Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India?’
Al replied, ‘I don’t know, let’s just ask our waiter.’
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, ‘Are there any Indian Jews?’
The waiter said, ’I doont be knowing, I ask cook sahib….’
He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said, ‘No sir, no Indian Jews.’
Al wasn’t really satisfied with that and asked, ‘Are you absolutely sure?’
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with ‘foreigners’ gave the expected answer,
‘I check again,’ and went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, ‘I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India. Our people are scattered everywhere.’
The waiter returned and said, ‘Cook sahib say there is no Indian Jews.’
‘Are you certain?’ Al asked once again, ‘I just can’t believe there are no Indian Jews!’
‘Listen, I asked EVERYONE,’ replied the frustrated waiter.
‘All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, and Coconut Jews & Tomato Jews! – No Indian Jews !!!’
A woman walks into the Liverpool benefits office, trailed by 15 kids…
‘WOW,’ the social worker exclaims, ’Are they ALL yours?
‘Yeah they are all mine,’ the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, ‘Sit down Terry …’
All the children rush to find seats.
‘Well,’ says the social worker, ‘then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.’
‘This one’s my oldest – he is Terry.’
‘OK, and who’s next?’
‘Well, this one he is Terry, also.’
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.
‘All right,’ says the caseworker. ’I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?’
Their Mother replied, ‘Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ’Terry!’ An’ when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Terry!’ an’ they all come runnin.
‘An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell ’ Terry ’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’ them all Terry.’
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, ‘but what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?’
‘I call them by their surnames!’
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@
’All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, and Coconut Jews & Tomato Jews! – No Indian Jews
!!!’
@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@
Sher is murderer (thus criminal) too
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!!!
A very angry Teacher: Where the in hell do you get seven from ??!?
Very angry Johnny: Because I’ve already got f*****-g’ cat……….!!!
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…
Tourist: $ 8.00
Broiled Missionary: $ 10.00
Fried Explorer: $ 12.50
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $ 100.00
Stuffed Indian Politician: $ 200.00.
The cannibal called the cook over and asked,
“Why such a high price for Indian Politicians?”
The cook replied,
“Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of s**t, it takes all morning.”
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,
“What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About 4 acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No”, he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar”, she responded.
“I mean”, he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No”, she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please”, he tried again, “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes”, she responded, “About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do”.
Finally, in frustration the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce”, she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!”
CONFESSIONAL BOX….
A guy goes into the confessional box after years of not going to
Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry
wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on
the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to
have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in:
“Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to
confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting than it used to be”.
The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side”.
The Perfect Gift
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.”
The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote one son, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”
“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”
“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!”
Pirate
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”
The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them sh*t in my eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird ****!”
“Well,” says the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
‘He lives in a home with non stopping chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.Can I come with him tomorrow?
What’s the difference between Yoghurt and Americans?
Yoghurt has CULTURE !!!!!
—
A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed.
He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary.
The operator at the other end said “Are they in your house?”
He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house.
The operator said there were no cars available at that time.
He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again.
“I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!”
Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene.
After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, “I thought you said you had shot them all!”
The man answered, “I thought you said there were no police available!”
She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed:
“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.
Again from the heavens the voice bellowed:
“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice.
She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more:
“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
She stopped, looked skyward, and said:
“IS THAT YOU LORD?”
The voice replied:
“NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK”