Teasing Answers (Bakwas Band Kar)

Barood bhai kamaal ka pic dal dhiya aapne

One Million Copies of a New Book sold in just 2 Days due to typo error of 1 alphabet in title

An idea that can change your WIFE I mean LIFE

Achilles wrote:

Barood bhai kamaal ka pic dal dhiya aapne

Achi biscuit now you have added good dp !

God has such a sense of humour

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever.
She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.
She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn’t know what to do.
She called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said “you might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car.
She looked at the hanger and said “I don’t know how to use this.”

She bowed her head and asked god to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up.
A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought “this is what you sent to help me?”

However, she was desperate.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said “yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said: “sure.” he walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said “thank you so much! You are a very nice man.”

*The man replied “lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison Yesterday, I was in prison for car theft.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud “oh, thank you god! You even sent me a professional!!”*

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerks
Called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency
Open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
Loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to
Pay for his treatment.

“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”

The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”

He replied, “No money in the bank.”

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
Irritated nun.

He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God.”

The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

OMG

*Watch Out for Fifth-Graders

Zig Ziglar*

When my son was in the fifth grade, his teacher had a practice of inviting students’ parents to speak to the class on the subject of their choice. Since I had always wanted to talk to a fifth-grade class, I took advantage of the opportunity. As you regular readers probably suspect, I chose the subject of “positive thinking.” After I had spoken the class was permitted to ask questions. One “darling” little girl held up her hand and got permission from the teacher to ask the first question. “What is the difference between positive and negative thinking?” I responded with the old example of the half-glass of water, telling her that an optimist or positive person would look at a half-glass of water and say it was half-full while the pessimist or negative person would say the glass was half-empty. I even explained that the positive person would view it as being half-full because he/she was doing something that would fill the glass the rest of the way to the top, whereas the negative person would be thinking in terms of “there’s not going to be much for me,” so half-full is positive, half-empty is negative.

Then this bright-eyed, bushy-tailed little girl asked me if that was always true. I assured her with the confidence that generally goes with ignorance that yes, it definitely was. Her response to that was, “Well, Mr. Ziglar, if you were told by your teacher to drink the glass of water when you had drunk half of it, now would it be half-full or half-empty?” Needless to say, I moved quickly to the next student’s question, wondering why that child’s parents had not kept her at home that day!

Think about it—be positive and remember that kids can and will teach us some important lessons if we will keep an open mind and not become arrogant. Give it a try and I’ll see you at the top!

So cute!

A 4 year old kid kept telling his kindergarten teacher about his baby sis who was going to be born,
and how very excited he was about it.

One day his mom made him feel the baby’s movements by placing the boy’s palm on her stomach.

The kid didn’t say anything.

From that day onwards he stopped telling his teacher about his baby sis.

So one day when his teacher inquired about his baby sis.

And the boy’s eyes filled with tears – and he replied:

“My Mummy ate it” !!!

Arthritis treatment!

A man in a restaurant orders the house special. An old waiter brings out the
order beginning with some hot soup. The customer notices the waiter has his
thumb in the soup.

Feeling sorry for the old man he doesn’t mention it, and leaves the
soup uneaten.
When he brings the main course his thumb is in the potatoes. Then in
the coffee.

Finally, he angrily asks the waiter why he has his thumb in all his hot food.

The waiter says, “I have arthritis and the doctor told me to keep it
in something warm.”

The customer says, “why don’t you stick it up your ass!” And the waiter says ,
“I do that in the kitchen..!!!”

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

*British humour *

Absolutely politically incorrect and hilarious


Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque…
They’ve told the public not to panic as they’ve managed to push it inside.

========== During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there". ===========

Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind,
so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.
=========

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
=========


I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, “what’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”
=========

The pic about Neil Armstrong was hilarious.

An indian farmer walking through
his field notices a foreigner drinking
water from a pond, with his hand.
The farmer shouts, ‘Arre baba, woh
paani mat peena. Usme gayein or
suwar snan karte hai har roz!
The man shouts back, ’I’m a
foreigner, I don’t understand your
bloody gibberish language.
Speak English, you bloody Indian
idiot!’
The farmer shouts back in English,
‘Use two hands, u can drink more’

A plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells Gurpreet that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

Gurpreet replies, “I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here.”

the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a sardarni sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. Gurpreet replies, “I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this sardarni who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she is a sardarni? I’ll handle this; I’m married to a sardarni. I speak sardar’s language.”

He goes back to Gurpreet and whispers in her ear, and she says, “oh, I’m sorry.” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

“I told her, "first class isn’t going to Chandigarh

Hassan and Habib are beggars; they beg in different areas of Birmingham, England

Habib begs just as long as Hassan but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Hassan brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Hassan:
‘I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?’

Hassan says:
‘Look at your sign, what does it say ?’

Habib’s sign reads: ‘I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support’.

Hassan says: ‘No wonder you only get £2- £3 !’

Habib says:
‘So what do your sign say ?’

Hassan shows Habib his sign….it reads:

‘I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan.’

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!”
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?
The son replied, “I do know!”
“Okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?”
“That’s easy, Daddy…” the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth..’ (This one is my favourite)

HOLY HUMOUR
^{^}^^^^^^^^^

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
“Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.
“Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady.

“Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say,
“Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
“Good Lord, its morning.”

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
“I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note
“I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:
“I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”

While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humour, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign…
“Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
“Reverend,” said the young man, “I’m so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”
The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”

People want the front of the bus,
the back of the church,
and the centre of attention.

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
“I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note
“I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

humari school prayer thi. our father who art in heaven.

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute..
The substitute wanted to know what to play.
“Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently.
“But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”

During the service, the minister paused and said,
“Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”

At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star Spangled Banner.”

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Being Poor

Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school.

She had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks; “How did it go?”

“I died of shame!” she answered!

“Sissy from over the road says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.”
Her mother answers laughingly, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed!”
“No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that daddy & you had to make me yourselves.”

marketdimer wrote:

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

humari school prayer thi. our father who art in heaven.

ye lo

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?”
A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy.
“Really? How do you know?” the teacher asked.
“You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven… "

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@



ye lo

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?”
A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy.
“Really? How do you know?” the teacher asked.
“You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven… "

Our Father, Who art in Heaven,
hallowed be Thy name;
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those
who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she’s interested in.

She said: Cheque books.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.